It was awesome

Shadow's gone stir crazy! RUN! lol

This piece warrants a moderately decent look upon it.

It's decently original, it's got a good amount of description, and the dialogue isn't bad (except for that last line, which seems less like a stunning epiphany statement and more of an insertion of a dumb line that happens to irritate you).

It's too short, though. And emotionless.

Because of length, you got your point across quickly, but sacrificed meaningful interaction between characters. Dialogue was useful, but not necessarily heart-felt. Just a plot device.

I think this piece should be longer. And not necessarily adding extra scenes to the end. Instead, fill the story up with meat and flesh. Veins, organs, and the like. Beautiful, flowing description that follows Shadow's decline into madness before being brought back to the light. Put more detail into the characters.

Or, alternatively, make it a first-person perspective piece from Shadow's perspective.

But still make it longer.

Rewrite the piece but don't take it down. Instead, write a different version of it, and post it as a second chapter or something. See what people think than decide what to do from there.

- Gogehenks/Norick Madcaskae

Holy Crap! are you really back after all these months! what happened to AWAE:2 Keys and Hearts? I'm dying to read that story! Please work on that! In addition, this was a good start. It's easy to guess your writing from others; it just has a special and unique style to it.

Good ol' fridge-foot! -pats him- This was short but sweet! I shall fave it, and it shall be my favourite! XD

*Giggles* Fridge-foot. X3

What a wonderful lil one-shot! X3

Lol, I really liked Shadow's little dilemma and the way Amy scolded him X3 So sweet! 3

*Faves*