Wow...the fact you wrote Morgan as someone willing to rape to get what he wants kind of freaked me out. But there were some cute moments to it, without that line!

1. It's Hotch not Hodge.

2. Morgan would never rape anyone seeing as he was abused which you find out when they go to Chicago.

Loved it x

Awesome at first, but I have to say, the ending sucks ass. I like happy endings, dammit! Now it's ruined!

This story has potential, however, I feel it would benefit from some consideration of the characters you're working with.

It's not enough to simply cut to the chase- you've got to build the emotional tension as well. You've told me that Morgan's fallen in love with Reid and that he can't resist; that's fine and I won't argue. But instead of telling me 'his love overwhelmed him', *show* me. Does his heartbeat pick up when he sees Reid? How does he phrase his concerns to himself before deciding that those obstacles don't matter any more? And if he decides to leave at the end, elaborate on his reasons why. Even if Reid doesn't get to hear them, your reader should.

To be honest, I find it a little hard to believe that Morgan would ever form the thought that rape was allowed, even in his own mind, without immediately wanting to dissect what it said about his own mental state. If you mean it as proof of how much he wants Reid, it can be interpreted in quite an off-putting manner.

Where Reid is concerned, I don't understand his motivation. I can imagine that he's dazed and caught-off-guard, but Reid has a very intelligent, quick and analytic mind. He's more than likely to say whatever comes to mind than to keep quiet from embarrassment or curiosity. Instead, Morgan's unexpected declaration of love was accepted as if it were perfectly normal. Neither that declaration or that acceptance seems in character to me.

Oh, and it would only add greater depth to your story if you showed some kind of deeper consideration of the situation that brought this overboiling about. They've just been shot! And I think that would carry some panic, some fear, adrenaline-rushes, worry (particularly if Morgan's in love with Reid) etc etc etc. Perhaps you could use that upheaval to push the sexual angle? Near-death experiences can result in people craving physical contact and sexual intimacy, if only to prove that they and/or the person/people who came through it with them are still alive and whole.

I'm really sorry if I come off sounding condescending or nasty. I don't mean to be. I genuinely think you could do this well as you are capable of telling a story. Your elements are all in place. You just need to get below the surface of the story into the guts of it. The emotion; the characters; the heart- why and when and how? Give it some punch. Your grammar and spelling are very good (very important in presentation) and you have a good concept of the dialogue and how it operates between these two. So if you tighten this up, it could be far more satisfying than it is right now.

Good luck with it.

this was so amazingly beautiful!~

You almos make me cry. It's very beautiful, but very sad also. Thanks for so wonderful history T-T (I'm sorry for the posible mistakes, but I don't speak english very well )

Actually, slash creeps me out. Getting past that, I found your story interesting. You need to use spell check. I think you should have developed the religious conflict more. Your descriptions are, IMHO, quite good. And the fact that I don't like slash but read yours all the way through speaks to its quality.

wow does there love show in the show?

*has never seen it but u make it sound so good!

Hey, I want you to ingore that Alex freak, he's an idiot, as well as far too cowardly to leave his e-mail so you can discuss this with him.

Now! I liked the story. I love this pairing, so you can't go wrong there. Morgan was kinda creepy, but whatever. The church thing isn't really an issue here, but you've already been told that, so we won't go there.

This is decently written. A beta will help with the grammatical errors, though, so send out for one. They are a huge help.

Anyway, I need to go. Keep writing!

~Marie L.

luv, the church only matters if you're certain denominations of Christian - Catholic, Mormon, etc - Orthodox and some Reform Jews, Muslim (though, if you're going by the historical standards, only married Muslims and unmarried female Muslims are prohibited from same-sex relationships. No lesbianism in THAT religion), and maybe a few other religions.

SPOILERS for "Fisher King" and "Profiler, Profiled"

Reid, I think, is depicted as a fairly ambiguously unreligious person. With his mother's mental health taxing his childhood, his own higher than average intelligence (which nowadays, at least in mathematical and scientific studies, often leads to atheism) and the general tone he uses while describing religion-oriented killers, I believe he is, at most, a Christmas-and-Easter-Christian, who goes to church only on those holidays.

Morgan is harder to pin down. His mother is a very strong woman, he spent his childhood in borderline poverty, and a strong community (quasi-religious?) leader molested him. He could be anywhere on the spectrum of personal beliefs, but unlike Gideon, who seems to lean towards a Judeo-Christian personal doctrine, Morgan doesn't have any apparent religion.

My point is, you're making a big issue out of something that doesn't really factor into the decisions of most homosexuals, myself included. The fear that the bureau would stigmatize the relationship is legitimate, but it doesn't really stop people. The relationship may be hidden more carefully, but if two people were really trying to make something work, that wouldn't prevent them from having a relationship. Back to religion: many people who accept their homosexuality continue believing in their original faith except where it comes to sin and morality where same-sex relationships are concerned.

Sorry for the lecture.

i love, love, love ur work!

wow

(hay will, u cum 2 me if Alex says shit about u again!

if he has a prob with gays then he shoud talk 2 me and i'll show him wut the fuck us gay guys think of ur stories!

hes prob just mab cuz in your stories the guys alwas hook up and his boy and bite'in if ya no wut i mean!)

go susanne i promise 2 post 2! (leave ur add.)

wow and go nidrianruuthane! now this is a girl/boy that knows talent

u keep writen will!

show that s.o.b. !

oh and i also agree with the other love type stories like lesbiens or straight ones!

espesh. the les ones (my coz is les. u no)

_

all and all u rock!

wow good and who ever the bastard is that left the review saying put a bullet in your head needs to get a brain because they're not recognizing talent! your a great writer you could use a few touch ups but i love the gay story line i would put in some other love type stories llike maybe lesbiens or straights but great job.

Ok, so first of all, I would like to say that you should ignore the first reviewer. If they hadn't reviewed anonymously I would have probably sent them a message - You have a right to post your work here and half the function of this site is to help writers improve their writing through constructive criticism of their works. Anyway, that being said, you story is an interesting concept but it could have been executed better. Here are some things I suggest:

romance stories, its very important to take time to develop the relationship in the story before rushing into the hardcore sex description. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it just isn't that plausible with the characters you have chosen. Drag out the story and fully develop the tension of the characters having to interact with each other at work and be attracted to each other at the same time. "Sexual Tension"? People may bitch about it (albeit half-heartedly) but they really enjoy reading it so that when the gratuitous sex scene comes, people enjoy reading it more as a part of the story and not just smut (not that there is anything wrong with that either)

thing; dialogue. Dialogue is tricky - work on writing it by thinking what you would say in response and then modify it to fit the character's personality who's saying it. Right now, your dialogue is stiff and awkward - It's gets the point across but it really doesn't feel like conversation.

: Not too bad in this area - although it's mostly focused on the *ahem* encounter. Carry the description through the entire story. How the character's move and act when they say something, their facial expressions, the setting, ect - you do this a little bit but I think it could really be taken one step farther. If you get stuck trying to describe something, I suggest brainstorming adjectives - otherwise you didn't do too badly here - this is one of the better areas :)

: Keep in mind you ARE using someone else's characters and to write a good fanfic, you need to keep those characters as IN character as possible. Now with a subject like this, you are going to be OOC anyway but the trick is to write this LIKE it's in character - once you can pull off a slash romance and have people think that it could really happen - then you KNOW you're good. Things that stuck out as particularly OOC in this story - Morgan's thoughts about rape and the religious issue. Neither could I see either character thinking about or worrying about. Also the fast track sudden sex - neither would rush into something like that, nor drop it so quickly.

Anyway that's pretty much all I can think of - It's not a bad start and the best way to get better is to keep writing. I'd even suggest re-writing this one to see how much better you can make it.

Good Luck,

~NidrianRuuthane