First of all, I think the idea to the story is really cool and kinda reminds the episode "Bad Dreams" from the show's second season.

I liked the story and developments in it, although language was quite blurry. You might want to consider using a beta reader that will help you fix grammar and spelling mistakes because there are a lot of those throughout the story.

Ending was quite hillarious "Lindsay's. I don't wear strings, it's strikes at ass" - It made me roll off my chair with laughter. Great descriptions throughout the wholse story.

Over all, the story is wonderful, but needs a serious grammer and spelling work.