Come on you said you'd have a squeal

The amzons in your fic are almost as bad as the Islamic terrorists in our world.
Both do not respect any but themselves, both seek to compel others, neither can learn better.

Cross this over with Oh My Goddess. I say that the reason no fool has destroyed the world yet with the knowledge Ranma has is that the Powers in OMG have intervened.

Belldandy has sensed the death of Happosai and investigated. Some mortal Urd cared about in the past was murdered by the amazons because of a KISS.

While Nabiki is evil IMHO Ku Lon is EVIL. Even an amazon elder cannot opposed a Goddess.
You could have the old ghoul cursed and locked, or just turned over to Hild.

Once Ku Lon is gone then Shampoo can win Ranma and start a tribe of Japanese Amazons, with sane laws.

Enjoyed the fic, looking forward to the sequel.

Amazing story and I like the unique perspectives of each of the characters good job!

Nice story. Yes, it's dry. It's still a fun read. For me at least. I mean, seeing all the idiots I feel have it coming finally getting theirs is a good thing. ::nods::

I personally think that this ending works fine. Ranma becoming the grandmaster at least puts the one person who truly sees the danger of those summoning attacks (and any other his guarding) in a position to put a stop to them without too much objection.

It may not be what you considered a perfect ending, but it's an ending that WORKS.

As for everything else, well I think the other plot threads are brought to a point that they can be laid down. Nabiki and Cologne? That animosity as is established would probably never be resolved. Best end it with them at least at an uneasy peace that still actively fighting.

I really like this story, it's well-written.

Hmm, I like it. ciao

"A simple perusal with any elementary physics book will show that it is impossible for two people to leap..."

I have no problems with first person narratives, nor with people thinking more expressively than they speak. But Ranma, right at the start, is actually thinking in a kind of Oxford don manner that makes him very, very OOC. Yes, I know you want to show that Ranma's smart, despite his father's best (worst?) efforts, but that can be demonstrated by the depth of thought, without utilizing plush phrases such as "a simple perusal," or "an elementary physics book." Which is another problem: Ranma's smarter than he's given credit for-so goes your story-but here, he's not just smarter, he's extremely well-read, highly sophisticated, and snobbish.

Unique, Very Unique. A bit condensed and could use a bit more development.

This is a very thoghttrough and well written story! Bravo!

I would like to use this first chapter as a part of a thread start at the Anime Addventure. Please let me know if I may do this, I will do no such thing without express permission.

Mousse knowing protections from the demonic/"From Beyond" elements you've ascribed in this chapter is quite reasonable. Given his relative youth and his language skills being extraordinarily good for a ypoung man as isolated and near blind as he is, it's very easy to presume he is a first class summoner, if not capable of portals.

Of course, his sight may be so crap due to earlier sights of Things Man Wasn't Meant To See before he got the defenses quite right. It might explain his unique reasoning (apart from and beyond his subterfuge, as he needs to hide this art the way Saotome hides his intellect, and for the same reason-mutual protection of himself and others).

Concerning the detente between Nabiki and Cologne, as soon as one perceives a slight by the other, the detente begins to fade because one or both of the parties becomes dissatisfied with it. Of the two, I would think Nabiki much more susceptible to such an influence, although it would be unsafe to entirely rule out insult as motivation for Cologne.

The utter elimination of Happoasai, struck me as something rather close to a Hogwarts without a Peeves. Possible, but somehow dreary. You have several ways to bring him back if you really wanted to do so.

It seems probable, to me at least, that Ranma could, would and should gain control over his curse and could conceivably teach such control to other victims of the cursed pools. This alone would be good grounds for a sequel and could be a factor in the politics (politics in the broadest sense of the word) between Cologne and Nabiki.

I have yet to ever write a crossover story, and seldom read them or recommend them, but A sequel to this yarn would seem a natural for a crossover involving Lina Inverse, the very earthy sorcereress in the Slayer's universe. Of course, one need not use Lina Inverse, but one could create a similar character for the job. Your audience, however, would more readily accept Lina Inverse.

As for how the conflict is finally resolved between Nabiki and Cologne? How about both of them recognizing the madness of MAD for what it is and developing respect for one another? It is, after all, something the US, the UK and Russia should have already done, yes?

And, yes, I am baiting you with these ideas hoping to provoke you into writing a sequel.

This is pretty neat. I would wish for a sequel, but not one that sounds like the direction that the ending notes was headed for. One of the really great things about Lovecraftian horrors is the horror of them. While this whole story skirted around the edges and gave a brief glimpses with the death of Happy, it didn't really fall into the cosmic mind-breaking horror that is typical of the genre.

While I would like a sequel, it would be much better if instead of concluding the different relationships it was about some massive bad thing happening. While I would prefer a crossover (maybe chuck Ranma into a Eva timeline where the angels are a minor outbreak of the otherworldly badness that is following behind them, or he gets sucked into the Warhammer 40K universe and uses his knowledge to survive) as I am most fond of them, you could just have it that something about Happy's death or his final struggles as he dies opens the door for more things to follow through, maybe (another crossover) tie it into Sailor Moon and have some demonic invasion that they try and stem before Ranma has to help as he knows more about these things then them (also allowing new people for him to date (I vote for Hotaru) that isn't his ex's or an original character)... But whatever happens, you really should have some enemy that he either has to use horrifying skills to fight against or defend himself from.

Well, good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Nice, but could bear more details.

It's an interesting concept. Like you said, the Lovecraftian undertones just sort of got dropped as you decided to explore the "how would an intelligent Ranma solve his problems." And the end doesn't resolve anything, even in the sense of "a new set of problems." Other than that you've decided not to write any more, I wouldn't mark this one as complete because it doesn't feel complete. Still, it's an interesting read. It just would be nice to have a little more closure.

You're right there isn't really a way to resolve the Cologne and Nabiki situation. Not without having someone who can control the effects of Jusenkyo enough to cure her. And although you talked about Love Craft and weren't able to go full horror like you wanted to I doubt anyone other than Gosenkugi would be foolish enough to even attempt the kind of contract that would let that happen.

The only real sequel options I see would end up with that whole thing staying in place on a back burner and following Ranma through a romance story arc. Maybe even having the results of Happosai's failed summoning fall to the not so tender mercies of perhaps the Sailor Senshi or maybe defeated by Aoyma Motoko's Evil splitting spirit sword technique.

It's an interesting piece but I'm not sure I'd want to read a sequel if it did attempt to resolve the Cologne/Nabiki situaiton.

Daniel Thomas Stack

Spokavriel yahoo . com