Thirty-one chapter in and I do have a couple of critiques to make. While this story is one of the most well written fanfictions and has original concepts that is nicely done, there are times were I feel like the character deaths or Link feeling ill gets to be too much. I'm not saying I'm against it, but I just think it needs to be toned down. I get that some of these gorons don't play a real big role, but if that's the case, I think it's better to leave them out of the story instead of adding them just to kill them later. I'm also still waiting to see character growth from Link. I know these experiences have been emotional and he has self-doubt, so hopefully these experiences will be the driving force that will lead him to toughen up and make a stand for when he fights Ganondorf. I can't say anything more since I'm only halfway through it, but so far these are my thoughts.

Wonderful story, great ending.

Is it me or does anyone else find the idea of one-eyed Link bad ass?

I definitely see Dave Bautista playing Darunia.

Well done. Much more realistic.
Link behaves exactly how you would expect a normal person to behave in his situations.
Honestly, I almost cried for him, several times in fact.. He's lost so much, and been through stuff that no ten-year-old should never, EVER, have to go though.
And to make it worse, he thinks it's all his fault.

I wish someone could tell him that even the purest, strongest, and bravest of heros can't win every battle. They can't expect to be perfect at everything.
They cant be expected to save everyone.
And they can't place all the blame on themselves.

Overall, this was pretty interesting. It took me a while to get into it, being fandomblind and all. But, I think what makes this work unique is that it takes a much more serious tone than what the games imply (I ended up researching the plot of the game to see exactly what was going on). The fact that Link suffers from PTSD, experiences revulsion at some of his own deeds, and that great sacrifices were made in the end really made this story pop as being not just fanfiction, but believable fantasy. Great work!

Best,
Zad

So, things have definitely taken a "dark" turn here (pun intended with the whole Shadow Temple). Still, there are several things I like. I liked the explanation of how "undead" work in this fandom. It made the whole notion quite palatable, and I do mean that in a general sense. This idea really could apply to any scenario regarding the walking dead.

While I did find all the clues about sheika culture a little confusing to wrap my head around, I still found it all interesting. You've really outdone yourself with the cultural histories behind the various races in this world. I think that has been one of the strong suits of this work.

I can't wait to see how this all ends in the final 11 chapters!

Best,
Zad

Your story is AMAZING! And I love that you incorporated how the Hero of Time lost his eye. I think that while Nintendo would never have released the game like you wrote it, I would still have played it. The self-doubt and confusion of Link, becoming a grown-up was well placed, and I was always a little miffed that it was never in the game. He didn't even miss a step in the game, which I can tell you right now is something he should have done, because suddenly being big should screw with you, a LOT. You are a great author, and aside from a few words that didn't fit the context they were used in, and maybe... 9? typos I actually noticed it was PERFECT. Thank you for writing this!

In the spirit of Halloween, I come to you with a pen in my hand, dripping red. Pray it ends quickly.

"...it (change "rose" to "raised") its fangs to strike." "Rose" is autonomic while "raised" is being acted upon. Example: "The spider 'rose' to its full height; The spider 'raised' its forelegs threateningly." See the difference?

"...she shouted, darting out (add "of") the way.

"Biting back (change "a remark of his own" to "his next retort")... Link rolled out (add "of") its way..."

"Just like the creature(delete apostrophe)s in the meadow..."

honeyeater... so we have a spider-and a big one at that-but no hummingbirds? On another note, lots of "spider"s all at once. Perhaps calling the spider "it" every so often will keep it from getting repetitive. Unless Pennywise objects?

"more giant(comma) creepy things."

"Okay. Be careful down there(comma) Link..."

"Don't worry. I'll make sure he stays out of trouble." [Navi called up reassuringly.] Link distinctly heard her murmur [afterward], "I hope."

Navi opened her mouth, trying to (add "get") a word in..."

"Link(delete apostrophe"s") wondered if he should intervene..."

"At the confused look the fairies gave him(comma) he added..."

"The same one in which the fairy in front of you died." Does Link often hear voices in his head like this?

"Navi trembled slightly, not answering. (No new paragraph)Link did not like her hesitation at all."

(Italicize "No, I have to do this,")

"...she zipped in front of Link, pausing only briefly to wait for (change "Link" to "him")."

"...stopping only to retrieve the arrows that had fallen from Link's quiver." As in they fell from his quiver as he was walking or was there an archery fight I didn't know about?

"Can trees feel pain? Link wondered... Navi murmured sounding just as pained by the idea... He knew that the Great Deku Tree must have been in a lot of pain..." Lots of "pain" here. Navi could be "agonized" by the idea. And maybe Link could decide that, yes, the Great Deku Tree could indeed feel pain, considering the scale of the damage.

"Small spiders scattered, [fleeing from Navi's light into the darkest corners of the tunnel]

"...in a mesh of thick, white(delete comma) webbing."

"Great. Now Navi probably thought he was stupid. (No new paragraph) He cut the webbing..."

"Not with (H)airy (L)egs back there."

"Finally trusting that he was no longer too badly injured to move (change comma to "and") having recovered..."

"Link winced at the scolding remark. [Defensively, he said, 'I didn't realize the tunnel was ending.'"]

"...spider's armor (delete comma) before flipping it..."

"...feeling ill at the sight of the gooey innards. (No new paragraph) Images of another monster..."

"(Delete "Hoping Navi was right") (H)e looked for another tunnel..."

"...to despair that neither Forenz (change "or" to "nor." I mean, come on! When are you going to get another chance to use such an archaic word?) anyone else..."

"A part of him was convinced that (delete comma) if he spoke too loud(ly)(delete comma) the larvae would hear him and hatch." Ah, another instance where fear overrides reason.

"Gohmas only eat plants(comma) right?" Link asked, (w)racking his brains..." Ha! You wish!

The gohmas have jaws?

"With a quick slash across the eye, (delete "piercing it") he sent..."

"The last gohma was nowhere in sight, [not even the telltale glow of its eye]."

"...into the cold, dank(delete comma) cavern."

"...big enough for five Kokiri to stand side(delete hyphen)by(delete hyphen)side..."

"He knew that(comma) without a doubt..."

"Link(comma) get back!" Navi exclaimed.

"He slammed into the cave wall opposite with a 'glancing' blow." I don't think it's "glancing" if he slammed into it full on. "Glancing" would be more of a nick to the shoulder.

"...Link grabbed her thick eyelid, wrenched it down..." as in her eyelid started from the bottom and closed upwards?

"Was the gohma queen(delete comma) and her young(delete comma) victims of some magic?"

"We did it," he repeated faintly(period) (H)e glanced down at his leg..."

And now, I retire to my lair to wash the red stains from my fingers and to bide my time until the next chapter... Happy Halloween! Mweh heh heh...

"Saria tilted xher head..." Just a little hiccup here.

Other than that, this rewrite really paid off! I'm intimidated by how well it was done, as a matter of fact. No, Muse, this does not mean you get a vacation!

To be fair, I did read up on the game while reading this story to familiarize myself with the characters. So the surprise reveal of who Sheik was didn't catch me off-guard. Still, interesting. I really liked the scene where Link and Zelda went through the various gates, learning about Ganondorf's backstory. That helped really start to understand him as a character. I was also glad to see Nabooru again. She's been one of my favorites. And so, the saga still continues.

Best,
Zad

A thousand apologies for letting this get behind. I honestly have no excuse other than laziness. However, jumping back in, there has been a lot that's gone on in the past five chapters. Ruto still remains a personal favorite of your portrayal of these characters. Her tenacity and coy humor are an absolute delight. Still, the team's experienced a lot of losses, and everything seems pretty bleak. I'm afraid time travel stuff does sometimes go over my head, so I'm not entirely sure I follow all that's going on with Halvard talking about Hyrule's destruction and how he's tried to prevent it. Eh, I'll get there eventually.

This last chapter alone had quite a few surprises. Ganondorf's dead, or possibly dead. The witches are gone, and will Sheik survive? Well, now that I'm good and on the edge of my seat, I look forward to the concluding third of this work.

Best,
Zad

Lol just rereading some of this I kinda get the vibe that sheik is like Olivier queen from arrow and like is like Barry Allen from the flash personality wise

So ... is it sad that I heard the voice of kaepora as Deckard Cain? just curious.

I have to say, I LOVE what I have read so far. well done.

Keep Writing; I'll keep reading.
-Kit