I hate it when authors turn Leo into a child abuser. He isn’t. Plain and simple. It’s things like this that make stories so unrealistic and barely tolerable to read.

No matter how suspicious Leo is of Chris he would never , and I repeat never, blatantly attack Chris with his electrokinesis for no reason, and Chris disappearing before answering their questions is not even remotely a good reason. What if Chris couldn’t block his attack? Do you really think a pacifist like Leo would condone murder like that?

The sisters and Leo are exceptionally cold and uncaring towards Chris. For example Piper says, “Leo heal him and them maybe we’ll get our questions answered.” While the sisters and Leo may wonder about his powers, they would have definitely taken care of any serious injuries before even attempting to question him and would not have stated it in a way that made it seem as if they only want to heal Chris so that they can interrogate him, especially after he just saved Piper’a life. This is extremely uncharacteristic of them. They may be harsh and demanding about some things but not in this cold and completely heartless way. Also, the sisters never would have complained about Chris not finding any information on the demon that had attacked them earlier if they weren’t there to help him.

The story is also unrealistic in how the events seem to occur. The demon’s actions don’t make a lot of sense. First he just attacks the Charmed Ones then he somehow managed to teleport them into his lair without touching them or being near them, which I doubt would have been possible. Even the demon that feeds on their desires needed to know what the Charmed Ones’ desires were in order to transport the them to those realities without physically sucking them into his vortex. I also don’t think the demon would make this a game. Why doesn’t he just attack them? The demon acts very childish.

I also think things need to be explained better. We are told that Paige had to watch her adoptive parents die again, but we never see it. If one of your readers hadn’t seen the episode that does show how Paige’s adoptive parents die or they couldn’t remember what happened, they would have no idea what just took place in your story. The author should be providing the reader with the details about what is happening; the reader shouldn’t have to come up with those details on their own.

Thanks for sharing.

j'adore

Not to be picky, but from the Chris we saw in the television series, I dont think he would have made this a game. And that is kind of what he did here by saying "if you catch me." The Chris from the shown was more serious, and I personally think he wouldnt have said anything like that not even in this situation.

This isnt a complaint, but this story isn't very descriptive. A suggestion would be that you actually write out the scene from the crash of Paige's adoptive parents, and include some emotional upheaval. Also, there is plenty of dialogue but the characters dont have much depth to them.

Glad they saw Wyatt in action

Whoa, lots of angst, good job showing how horrible it was

Nice choice of scenes to show

I liked the ending of it, good dramatic touch

Nice job capturing the reactions

Glad you had Leo see the light

Cool display of his powers. I like his line about running away being his life, they all forget he came from a war zoe

I love the powers you gave him, I always felt the show never showed his full potential. I like how Cole was with Phoebe