Rereading this after 12 years and I am grinning my fucking ass off. Still holds up well.

... Alucard is a dead vamp.

This was nutty :D

poor allucard it makes me wonder where does the blood go

so fraggin funny i nearly fell outta my chair!

""Walter!" cried Integra. "Oh, Alucard's been down right unreasonable. Is it true women put their mouths on men's penises?"

Walter almost fell down dead. Almost."

I laughed out loud at this part. And Walter asking if their periods were sinked. And again when Alucard took issue with the tampons.

LOL. This was hilarious. Thank you so much for writing this. I do have to keep reminding myself that Integra was left with Walter and Alucard since she was 13, they both sort of finished raising her.

I also love how completely unfiltered Alucard is.

Laughing myself silly here :)

Don't smite me D:

who'd think alucard, notorious mass murderer that he is, would fear tampons? seriously, the major could have just pelted him with rounds of them shot from dart guns and he'd have run away screaming like a banshee.

this is as delightfully funny as the the story wherein our heroes are watching television together. i typically prefer darker fare, and while alucard is an emo writer's best friend, i found myself really enjoying the two rather fluffy stories of yours that i read tonight.

particularly good here is your portrayal of walter - poor, long-suffering walter...who just happens to be an erstwhile sex god. he was my favorite in this piece.

thanks for the story.

Oh my word, I haven't laughed that hard in a looong time! That was just what I needed to get me through my exams the coming week. Thank you, kind stranger, for that bit of joy in my life. If I knew you in the real world, I'd give you a big ole' hug. Unless that's not your thing. Then I'd just nod respectfully to you from a socially acceptable physical distance.

...Lolz. Seriously, major lulz has been had.

Kiddie and Teenage Integra is usually pretty funny, what with the overly serious way she tends to regard everything.

Also, where DOES all that blood go? Considering the sheer amount of the stuff Alucard has drunk over the centuries, he should be as big as a house or something.

LoveloveloveLOVE IT! Good lord this is hilarious. It makes you wonder how life really went when Integra was young.

You are awesome, I've never laughed this much while reading a story :)

it hurt, i was laughing so hard trough the whole thing. you are indeed a genius, goddamnit, i love you! haha!

Seriously, what makes alucard hates the tampons so much?

That was so hilarious! And Alucard stealing tampons! OMG awesome! XD