This seems to be like a chapter in a story, not just a one shot. Usually one shots have some sort of hook, to leave you thinking about the situation. This made me feel cheated, like I had wasted three minutes out of my day. It was a feeling comparable to bashing my foot into a cement pillar. I would know, I did that just yesterday afternoon. I think maybe if you add a few more chapters I could get more into the idea.

I like it!