I am having to contact you this way because cut out your email from the message you sent me. Could you please contact me somehow so we can continue our conversation.

Great chap, brilliant interactions, please update soon.

It's been a while, right? I read this the day it was posted, but I thought it would be best to ruminate on the chapter before I gave a review...and then life got in the way. Well! Let's get started.

Maybe this is a weird start, but I have to point out something at the end. I truly hope the next chapter, should you write it, will not end with the viewpoint character falling in a state of unconsciousness-it's a cheap way of ending a chapter, and I'm starting to wonder if everyone will get out of this without incurring permanent brain damage. :( Right now I will just consider it a coincidence in cliffhangers because of the setting, but it was a little odd the first time I read this chapter.

What really got my attention was the character-building of Admiral Mantal; I loved how you used it to further the reader's knowledge of Jumana. More than anything, it revealed that you are writing about a 'breathing' world, one with unexpected connections and vibrant cultures brushing (or clashing) against each other. That is one of my favorite things about this story, the breadth of your worldbuilding and how that enhances characterization. Even if you flub the romance-which I highly doubt-I would always come back just for the world you are revealing.

I'd also come back for the story. The revelation of the rune cannon surprised and excited me. What was especially nice about that was the fact that it was something that Ferid and Arshtat just stumbled upon; they already had their own problems and objectives, and now they've got to worry about rune cannon smuggling? Like I said earlier, this is evidence of a 'breathing' world, where other things are going on while the main characters already have other things on their minds. I'm also interested in something we've seen in Arshtat's viewpoints, about the purpose of Sialeeds' kidnapping. Her suspicions that it was more than just a bold-faced way to ransom her back to Falena has made me curious in a number of things, like how long you're planning for this story to be. I don't expect things to be very tidy in the plot, and that's what really grabs my attention.

Regarding the romance, I think what amuses me the most is that Ferid is internalizing it, while Arshtat acts multiple times in this chapter to help him but is otherwise not betraying much in the way of attraction. It really says something about their personalities, especially Arshtat's, considering the cliche about women dwelling on a man while the man is so forthright and always saving the woman. I like that; I know Arshtat is really not inclined to think about romance at the moment, considering her sister, but more than that she just has this really admirable personality where she keeps as calm as she can and gets down to business-this was most explicitly seen when she convinced the admiral to end Ferid's whipping. Your work with her has made her, in two long chapters, one of the strongest women I've ever read about (which is actually somewhat depressing). It does feel like you've put more work in developing Arshtat compared to Ferid, though.

In my short notes, I just have a few things to add:

Jumana betraying her cultural heritage to lie for the sake of Arshtat was one of the more understated touching things I've read recently. I'd love to know more about how she ended up as one of the Queen's Knights-very nice that you actually raised that as a question through Mantal.

Yahr interests me more than Georg-will you delve deeper into his character and past?

The first time I read this chapter, I was actually underwhelmed by it. It just didn't mesh well to my mind. Your chapters fully bloom on a reread or two, possibly because you pack so many large and small details into these fat chapters.

Actually, I will admit that I laughed the first time I read the rune cannon reveal-our discussions regarding SIV and Tactics just puts it all in a different light! But I like that, and it makes me think that I should finish Tactics soon.

No, really, how long is this story going to be?

I've got to go back to focusing on my own writing, but I'm so happy I was finally able to review this chapter! I can't wait for the next, and if you want to drop me a line I'd be happy to chat with you again. Thanks for writing such a wonderful story!

An update!

I thought you have discontinued the story!

Well written. And with a cliffhanger...

Hope it won't take another long years for the next chapter.

I haven't reviewed any fanfic for at least over a year, but I feel like I need to review this story, especially in light of your profile's statement that you're working on the second chapter.

With the caveat that I haven't played this game yet (though I've owned it since the day it came out), this is one of the most solid adventure stories I've ever read. Great adventure fic is always hard to find even in the most action-packed series (good romance is difficult to find too, but unfortunately not for any lack in quantity) because it requires not only great pacing and action scenes that can be visualized by the reader, but also an interest in maintaining characterization even in the face of all the dangers thrown at the protagonists. That ability to balance all those different factors is where your writing style shines, and I believe the fact that you use different limited perspectives is why the story works as well as it does. And personally, I love that this first chapter is so meaty; no one would've blamed you for making Ferid's first section its own, separate prologue, but I enjoyed how the story kept moving from there into Ferid and Arshtat's second, prolonged meeting.

Although I can't vouch for the characterization of any of the characters, after reading this chapter I know I want to read more about them. That's a success all on its own. And after that cliffhanger I have to admit that I want to squirm in my seat-what's going to happen now? Since the first time I read this was back in late '07, I have to admit that I'm pretty anxious by now!

A small note I have to make is that I'm very thankful for the ages given at the bottom, but I wonder if you could've integrated them better into the story itself? That's my only real criticism, sorry.

I'll be looking forward to your next chapter! I'm sorry I couldn't write a more detailed review...guess I'm still rusty. I just thought you should know that there are still readers who would love to see more of this story. :D

Oh, please tell me you're continuing this! This is amazing and a really good insight to their relationship before they were married.

i love your story please update

It's really a nice fic.

Hopefully you'll update soon...

Great chap, please update soon

Very good story, and well written. When should we expect an update?

oh i really hope you continue this story! it is fantastic! i really felt lke their personalities were in line with the canon universe. great job!

This is a great story! I just finished the game, clocked 130 hours, b/c I was in a car wreck and had to lay still... ANYWAY, obviously, with that amount of time invested in a game, I definately searched around for some fanfiction after beating it this morning. WOW! Your story is just awesome. I really hope this project actually does get completed... you know how a lot of stories do not. However, this story is not like "the others" because the talent involved with the writing is already above par, and excellent to be sure! I love this story. I like especially the snippits of Sialeeds youth, as I was mortified at the turn of events in the later part of the game.. so I am excited to see stories about her past, and such.

Well, keep the beautiful story flowing! You're an top notch writer, good joB!

What's sad about such a great start - is that we all know how it ends :(

But then, its the journey that matters right? :) Seriously this is one of the best fanfics, prose-wise, which I have had the pleasure of reading. You have a knack with description, particularly with scenery, and a very wide vocuabulary to draw from apparently. This is apparent especially in the first section with the description of the admittedly dull port of Hershville (notable for me only in that it was where I recruited two of the prettier SoDs :P) Likewise, unless you're really a boat/ship person,, you must have done at least some research on maritime ways, as you described the scenes on the ship very well.

I did find a few possible typos though:

~ “Where are you taking?” Serwid asked. ~

~ Ferid met her eyes and grinned. “We’re through the storm. Just the cruise to go, now,” she said with a wink.~ (Also, 'cruise' was a bit of a strange word to use...)

Characterization was excellent, (I like how Ferid was shocked at anyone not knowing how to swim - spot on) not in the sense that the characters acted like their adult selves, but more because you can see how these children could grow to become those characters, as a natural progression (and given certain known aspects of their "future", like the Armes invasion). I like how you worked Galleon and Yahr into this - although I must admit I was very surprised that you brought in Shula. Interesting, that.

Best line: “Lieutenant, she makes my ropes go taut. All of them.” Hehehe...

Excellent piece of writing! Please continue! I eagerly await the next chapter :)

*claps* I love this! Actually, I think Ferid and Arshtat are just a great couple anyway, but this story has an excellent take on them and their possible early relationship. Plus, Sialeeds as a happy little girl was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. *snicker* The whole "no touching" bit is fabulous as well. Please continue!