I think this is a sweet story.

Man everybody wishes they could do that to gendo lol

a nice good peaceful happy ending.

I'm Alexis Svitkona and I approve this story.

Pretty good, dude.

Interesting, but one problem.

Rei was killed by the 16th.

:P

Being a little hard on yourself, aren't you?

While it's true that this one-shot was pretty short, it had all the elements I want to enjoy in an Eva-story: Shinji and Rei together, Shinji and Yui reunited, Gendo getting his brains beat in, closure for all.

The story is short, and quick in most parts, but you did a good job of it. Keep up the good work and stay true to yourself.

Hello!

I read your story and liked it a lot! It was really good, a lot of potencial.

One thing though. Grammer. If you want your addiance to love your work then use a program like Word to edit your work.

Well thats all for now! Love to all!

This reminds me vaguely of the Chronicles of Narnia - Last Battle ... everyone dies in the end but it is still happy.

Likewise, I shall restrain comment on the quality and presentation. That you know it's bad and your sorry is good enough.

Just joking. Anyway, if you want to become a masterful writer you must first study that which you wish to write.

I reccomend (English) for quick introductions and barnes&noble or amazon for books.

Since the goal of most writers is to make an enrapturing, thought provoking, emotionally inspiring work, I can best reccomend:

PSYCHOLOGY (Study of mental processes and behaviors - Psyche means "soul" and logy "study of" - centrally important in Evangelion, due mainly to the fact mostmof the characters have psychological or personality disorders.

BIOLOGY (Study of the physical composition of organisms - extremely important in Evangelion)

PHYSICS (Study of the laws that hold the universe together - also very important in Evangelion)

THEOLOGY (philosophical study of God/gods and the Divine in general - centrally important in Evangelion)

PHILOSOPHY (Difficult to define)

COMPARATIVE RELIGION (study observing correlations-similarities between many different religions - extremely useful for understanding some of the symbolism in Evangelion)

METAPHYSICS (philosophical inquiry into the laws beyond the laws of the universe) - Meta being Greek for "beyond" - so "beyond physics".

Like I said, you can learn the basics from wikipedia. Now, it is much, much better to read books written by the experts on the subjects, but wikipedia (in addition to supporting websites) can tell you enough to inspire and give you the general idea.

I also reccomend you work on your structure. It always pays to write an OUTLINE for the story before you write it.

no bad

You are to hard on yourself, while I can tell this is your first story it is not bad. Just give yourself time and learn to bevelop your pacing a little better, it seemed like you were trying for to much to fast here. All in all I have to say on a scale of 0 to Awsome this story ranked a: Pretty Good!

Since it's your first fanfiction, I will skip the comments on the quality and the presentation in terms of your choices of words. I'll spare you from my personal scrutiny.

Anyways, I liked the story though. Albeit not well thoughtout, I could at the very least see what you wanted to convay. I could see a happy reunion between Shinji and Yui, and then Shinji and Rei, and how pissed everyone was. Good job on a good plot and storyline.

Now if you want some ideas on how to make it better if you plan on a rewrite, which is sometimes a good idea, I suggest you work on your descriptive writting. You should use words that really express how the Shinji felt. Heck part of the reason descriptive is so that we can 'paint' images and scenes in the minds of peoples heads. Why do you think people use imagery when they want to convay a particular gorey scene, or a happy or romance scene? Descriptive writing is one of the best tools a writer has.

But it doesn't stop there. Writers could easily put in alliteration, methaphors, hundreds of various poetic devices. As you write more and more, and read others works, you'll begin to pick up this stuff. And pretty soon you'll be able to hone your skills as a writer and join in the middle class writers like myself, that-fan, or Bebob Samurai or upper class writers such as Random1377, Innortal, or PitViper.

Hopefully you'll be able to rise as a writer.

Well anyways, that's all from me

Cheers Ja ne

P.S. I hope that this review was helpful in some way