XO shino has a girlfriend! Wow I like the way you think

Holy cow! That was a long chapter! KIBAAAAAA!

PLZ WRITE MORE!

Amazing and truly sad loved it

Well, your story was quite well-written...with a few grammar and spelling mistakes, but those could be easily fixed. Quite a good fic in general, but could you please edit your OC a little? No offense meant, but she is getting really close to being a 'Mary-Sue'. Please give my comments a thought and thanks for reading this!

...i don't really like Rose-person (whatever her name is), she's a bit annoying...-

"Back in Konoha, Kiba and Rosalie enter the gates…hands held and bodied close to one another"

Hands held in what? Do you mean that they're holding hands? Bodies, also.

"exadurated"

Exaggerated. You could have just put your misspelling into Google and you would have gotten the correct answer.

I doubt some Mary Sue could change Kiba that much, even if he wasn't originally that rude.

. . . I don't see why there's any reason to shorten Kiba, considering that it's only two syllables anyway.

"themselves off of Kiba."

The "of" is not needed.

"By 7:20; the four arrived at Konoha hospital and all four entered through the doors"

Comma instead of a semicolon.

Shino doesn't flirt, nor does he stumble over words.

Oh! Will there be a Mary Sue fight? Will the bleed rainbows and cough fairy dust? Aww, I guess not. That's too bad.

Shino was indeed very OOC in this chapter.

I was kinda hoping for a more "detailed" oneshot of Shino... I really like the Kiba fic although the "Angel" jutsu thing felt a little out of place. They're ninjas not Christians. Anyway, your story is going into my fav. stories list. Thank you for such an awesome fanfic.

HOLY SHIT , SHINO'S GOT A HOT GIRLFRIEND ( and for your information, i'm a girl)Kiba is so sweet ( school girl scream ) and he's so cute X3 and so HOT! * starts to drool * bare chested Kiba * snaps out of it * ok well i love this fanfic it's so ...so , um ... SO FUCKIN' ASOME AND SO FUCKIN' SWEET AND, And, and , uh ( i'm a little dumb right now ) OH YEAH! WOW! OH AND i really really really love the o.c. chariys ( but Kiba is still the best X3)

p.s. plz continue on this story for at least 2 more chapies plz!well i g2g so byez * waves like a maniac * see yaz next chapie!

Good Story!Luv it!...but Shino's mine grr...MINE!

YAY!UPDATE

“ALRIGHT GUYS,” Kurenai sensei, well, shouted, “Due to the overpopulation of genin, Team 8 has been given an extra member.”

Oh, yes, because there definitely aren't enough jounin in the village to accommodate said genin. Naruto's graduating class wasn't that huge, about the size of a normal class.

"Shino, Hinata and Kiba glared at their sensei in shock? Wonder? Both?"

Hinata doesn't glare. She fidgets, blushes or something else like that. And pick one emotion they have and stick with it. You're the one writing this, you should know how they're reacting.

"trying to calm Akamaru… apparently it worked."

Well, if you say so. I can't really tell because there's nothing there to tell me by description that it happened.

"“WHERE THE F(beep!) COULD SHE BE!”"

. . . either use the word or don't use it. Don't censor things in fanfiction. This isn't TV. Kiba's never used such language in the manga/anime, either.

Hmm. I won't copy and paste that whole purple paragraph of how beautiful the Mary Sue is. It would take too long to take apart.

"her eyes were a soft ocean blue"

Which part of the ocean? Because, you know, the ocean is different colors in different places. Are they really dank dark blue, or blue green, or bright blue like some places? I think I need more description.

"lovely rose/passionate red"

Choose one color and stick to it. I think we'll be able to figure out which shade of red it is with just one describing color.

"She wore a long, angelic white long sleeved shirt with blue denim shorts that showed half her thighs"

Did they show the rest of her legs, too, or just her thighs?

And while Hinata might be the kindest, she's also the shyest and wouldn't be the first to step forward. Kiba would be the first, even if he was so mesmerized by the Mary Sue's incredible beauty.

"Kanuraka Rosalie"

Wow, what a totally out of place name she has.

"Kiba pointed to the white ball of fluff in his jacket, Rosalie’s face lit up,"

Delete the commas, replace them with periods.

"Rosalie announced with a high pitch, Kiba, being love struck, removed Akamaru from his jacket and put him on the ground (he wanted to please her,)"

A high pitch what? Also, change the comma into a period and put it outside the parentheses.

You definitely need less commas and more periods, or semicolons if that's too much for you.

"Kurenai interrupted the silence, AGAIN,"

Calm down on the caps, there. It would have worked just fine to use lower case letters.

"“Ok, I’ll let you guys get acquainted, there’s not enough time for training, cya!” with that, she bounded away to the nearest bar…"

I don't think someone like that would be made jounin and be given genin with that sort of behavior.

"The two girls talked for a while, giggling a lot, getting acquainted."

Hinata doesn't seem like the giggling type, either. I'm not quite sure how she'd laugh, but I doubt it would be a giggle.

"“And why do you wear glasses, its not like they’ll burn up in the sunlight,” Rosalie gently mocked,"

Somehow I don't think Shino would take that with just a smirk. He didn't like when Kiba made fun of him, I don't think some Mary Sue would make him react differently. Also, Kiba and Hinata wear heavy coats as well. And Kiba's often seen with his hood up and Akamaru in his jacket; I'd probably ask him over Shino why he does it, because that would be pretty damn hot.

"…VERY WELL…"

The caps lock key wasn't made for your abuse. Remember this.

I highly doubt Kurenai would be habitually late like Kakashi is, and ditch the team when they start sparring. She helped Shino prepare for the Chuunin Exam, so why wouldn't she be there during training?

"shurinkan (I think that’s how its spelled…)"

Nope, shuriken.

Damn, that Mary Sue really let them have it, didn't she? And she's so great that he couldn't even land one blow on her. Wow, she's speshul.

"“Nah! You guys can handle it!” With that, she vanished and everyone departed for home"

As I said before, Kurenai is not Kakashi, and therefore would most likely not have the same habits.

"Rosalie felt one HECK of a large blush on her cheeks"

Again with the caps. Caps should generally be used just to start sentences and for names. If you want to use lots of caps outside of fics, I don't have any problem with that. Hell, I do it all the time, too, but not in my writing, because it looks unprofessional.

Kiba's sister's name is Hana. It's pretty easy to look up.

"training against to strong an opponent"

Too.

"Rosalie felt her knee’s buckle"

Her knees have buckles? Wow, I wish my knees had buckles.

"she had never been asked to spend the night anywhere other than at home."

Well, I should hope she'd be asked to stay the night at home.

"GUY… THAT SHE LIKED (did I just say that out loud?)."

No, you wrote it. Anyway, author comments in the middle of the fic disrupts the flow of things.

"Today was the day of the Mission, Rosalie couldn’t wait."

All things considered, it would work better to say "the next day was the day of the mission," because "today" implies present tense.

"so hansom…"

Handsome.

"Rosalie peaked through the door again"

Peeked.

"were joined by there sensei briefly"

Their.

"(PRETEND THERE IS A REALLY, REALLY INTENSE FIGHT SCENE HERE)"

. . . Okay, but I think I'd rather have something written out for me. I have a hard him picturing these things.

"Her chakara"

Chakra.

"They were greeted by Temari who was guarding the gates."

Somehow I have a hard time believing that a genin would be guarding the gates, especially since she's the Kazekage's daughter.

"Kiba faked asleep."

Faked sleep, or faked being asleep.

"Rosalie’s eyes widened and she gave Kiba a huge hug."

Considering how much pain he was described to be in, I think he would appreciate being hugged hard.

"she blushed so hard she felt her cheeks turn warm."

Well, when a person blushes, their cheeks generally feel warm, even if it's a small one.

"She then gets up and walks out the door, without a word."

Wrong tense. She then got up and walked out the door, etc.

"Team 8 departs to Konoha, they wave goodbye to Temari for her support and continue to head home."

Again, wrong tense. Team 8 departed to Konoha. They waved goodbye to Temari etc and continued to head home.

Well, blatant Mary Sue, overuse of commas and underuse of periods, run-on sentences, occasional bad spelling. Didn't hold my interest much, especially when you didn't include the big fight scene.

Shino x OC's rock! I love it! Keep up the good work :]

Heh... it's good with long chappies!

i love the story! i wish i can write like you!...i just came here, so i'm having trouble understanding things. but keep writing like you do!