And then this story died of indigestion

awesome story. loved reading it!

An amazing story. Great characterization. Excellently written. Great cliffhanger.

It always surprises me how long it takes for me to read relatively short chapters such as this. Anyway, nicely done. This chapter was a very good read. I especially liked the bits in the Bulgar house; it's nice to see the Sacaen side of Lyndis (well, not nice in 'good for her unforgiving nature', but nice in 'finally, some more of her past'). Oyon-baba was especially interesting, mainly because weird old sages always interest me (I blame Yoda and Obi-wan Kenobi).

There was one bit where I think clarification was needed. It was right after Lyn runs into Florina outside the mercenary station. Try to clarify who the man talking to them is, since two guys have 'leered' at Lyn in that scene. Was it the bald old man or the rude Sacaen (well, both are Sacaen, but I needed a noun) is what I am trying to say.

You seem to be unrelenting in suspense, recently. Sain isn't out of his coma yet and already you are putting another character in danger (though Farina is really just a stranger here). Anyway, very nice, and here's to hoping there will be more to this after November.

Freaking amazing! OMG! Is Farina going to be okay? Please write more soon! Why do you do this to me ever single chapter has me begging for more!

Hey Trimurti :D :D :D Yay, another chapter of LoH! :D :D :D Allow me to begin as I usually do, by listing any errors or nitpickz I could find...

"made Lyn's annoyance rise"

The wording works, but I think just something like 'started to annoy Lyn' or 'annoyed her somewhat' or something might be a lil' less clunky

Anyways, that was actually the only lil' error I could catch, although maybe I should have looked harder v_v This was another really good chapter...as I say about your fiction a lot, I *really* like the attention you pay to worldbuilding, with lil' details about how the buildings in Bulgar were made of adobe, the stuff Oyon-baba mentioned in her rituals, the Northern Chinese food, that kinda thing. Great stuff. And is that Farina will fired off his shot at? :O! Talk about a cliffhanger!

The characterization and plot in this chapter is also excellent. I like how you tied in the story with FE6 with mention of the Miurgre and Lyn having been hired to protect it, and also her confrontation with Yune, having turned his back on vengeance for the Lorca. v_v One thing I also like is how adept you are at writing exposition and narration from a POV, like in Wil's case. Once again, great work my friend :D

It certainly has been a while. I am quite happy to read this once again, though do to the length of time I actually had to go a remind myself of what was happening. Leaving us while Sain was in peril was a strange move on your part, I must say.

Though the chapter is a large discourse on the mercy-blow, you managed to make it interesting, suspenseful, and steeped in foreign atmosphere. The Sacaens are certainly a difficult bunch, aren't they.

Lyndis was fairly complex in this chapter, perhaps more so than she has been before (though it has been a long while since I read those chapters). The conflict between her personal desires regarding Sain against her desire to be accepted by the Sacaens and identified with them was written extremely good.

I am not quite so sure on you interpretation of Kent regarding Lyndis and her mercy-blow. Though I will admit to having a certain bias for the character, I also think that, seeing as he is a medieval character, he would be more concerned with serving his lord as best he could as opposed to following the orders regardless of the end. Look at Kent's supports with Wallace to get a better understanding of what I mean.

One could argue that this is a Kent before he has had that conversation with Wallace, but I would argue that the medieval nature of Caelin would have made the service idea at least the ideal form of fealty as opposed to the more modern military ideal of following orders to the letter.

However, since it is not in my power to control what you think, I would at least argue that Kent should not have said "What are your orders". Orders are a very modern military word and it takes Kent out of his era. I would encourage the usage of either service ("What service do you desire?") or to make it more plain ("What would have me do?") Either way, the choice is up to you.

I reiterate, though, that this was very well written. Please, keep up the excellent quality of your work.

Well, I'm glad to see this going again. The story continues to come up with ways to entertain and do so while being logical, detailed, and questioning. I look forward to the next installment, whenever that may be.

Yay! An update! Sorry it took me so long to get this review out; it's a bit of a madhouse where I live at the moment.

I like the way this chapter starts: "Lyn hated waiting" ays something about her, about their situation, and it sets up the sense of helplessness that continues for her- she can't so anything but wait and fidget and worry. It sets up the entire chapter nicely.

[“Sacaean adults don’t fall”] Wow. Even if the guy was only saying that it's not normal for a Sacaen to be unhorsed, this line really made me want to punch something in lieu of this guy. He comes of as unfeeling and uninterested in spades. You did a good job showing that he is worried a few lines later, though. [Deliberately, the healer looked away.] Especially that one- that made me think 'well he's not a complete jerk then'.

[“I can’t do that,” she whispered. “He’s my friend.”] When Lyn said this, though, I had to collect my bearings for a little bit. A line in front of it showing her personal opposition to her culture's traditions would have been well-placed here, because the line [This was what it meant to be a nomad, and she and her friends were nothing if not nomads now.] really did make me think she was resigning herself to Sain's injury.

The conversation with Dayan... I don't have a lot to say about that. I only noticed one thing that struck me. I saw some support for Lyn- if only subtly- when Dayan only held the pipe and abstained from smoking it as the other men there did, knowing that she wasn't going to be offered it. That made me appreciate Dayan a little more- you can see a quality of leadership in him.

[they were inseparable and she didn't have the power to separate them.] You've said the same thing twice there and it just sounded clumsy to my ear. It might just be the reuse of the word 'separate'.

[She exhaled, thinking Sain, I'm sorry for taking too many liberties with you when you're not even awake to enjoy it] I smiled when I read that: it's exactly the kind of thing someone- anyone- would think around Sain when he's out cold.

You're right: I wasn't expecting a prolonged argument about euthanasia, no, but it works within the chapter nicely, partly because it's obvious the conflict isn't completely over Sain: it's Lyn-as-Lyn arguing with Lyn-the-Lorca. It highlights how much of a pull is in her to go back to Sacae, and how at odds it actually is with her basic nature. Which, considering this is Lyn we're talking about, is surprising, but still very well-written- it feels natural to her.

Anyway. I'm already eagerly awaiting the next installment. Keep it up!

I use this screen name for anonymous reviews, because someone once said that I had crushed their dreams by reviewing long reviews. (They had wanted to leave a long review for someone on a 'fic, and realized that they could never outdo me.)

Anyway, continuing from my last review.

Lyn's greed. I can't get over it, for some reason. Again, a nice touch, though very understandable when you break things down for her. First, she's only half Sacaen, half Lycian. Hell, she's Lorcan, not just Sacaen, which makes her a...well, not much, since the Lorca were a small, rather insignificant tribe. The fact that she's half Lycian suggests that her own people might not have ever truly accepted her, either. I'd like to play with that in my novelization a bit, actually. Maybe it's even one of the reasons her people would not follow her. Also, she's a woman. So she struggles on all sides, doesn't she? Just like any other human being, she wants to be accepted and loved for who she is, but people judge her for being Sacaen, for not quite being Sacaen, for being Lycian, for not quite being Lycian, and on top of all that, for being a woman. (And an independent woman, at that.)

[For a man who kept himself so rigid in the face of his duty, the signs she saw in him were that of a controlled breakdown.] That's definitely Kent, right there. Also, that Lyn's own control seems to break at Kent's presence is very... Ah, it's sad, that's what it is, because she knows how close he and Sain are. I do think that Kent is a very controlled person, at least as far as his emotions are concerned. Either he was trained to be that way, he has always been that way, or it had to do with the way he was raised. I'd like to think it's a little of a lot of things, actually... Considering his lack of social skills, he might have even trained himself to be that way.

[“Kent?” She looked at him, her eyes taking in his impassive features, from his smooth brow to his slightly parted lips. That there was not even one wrinkle of stress worried her. “Kent, are you all right?”] You're going to make me cry if you keep that up.

[He closed his eyes, his eyebrows slanting downward. “What are your orders?”] Damn it. That he follows her, still, that he sticks to his "new" vows to her... Oh, Kent. Those lines are very powerful, and carry with them so much emotion... Even though they seem as if they're about a lack of emotion, you and I both know it's not true. He still calls her "Lady Lyndis", still respects her... and now he's willing to do what needs done, no matter how much it hurts him.

[“I understand,” Kent responded. “My father had not wanted to linger, either.” The words, so simply spoken, caused Lyn to face him, all at once surprised that it was not just an invention of her people as well as feeling the need to reach out for him, even though there was so little emotion in his words.] I know I quote lines a lot. I'm so sorry about that, if it seems that's the majority of the space of my reviews. But this. I like this. That Kent can understand Lyn's situation or rather, her hesitant viewpoint, is nice. Especially because she worried, no doubt, more about his reaction than any of the others, seeing as how Kent has known Sain longer than any of them. That she wants to reach out for him is sad, but also strangely beautiful, I think. She wants to comfort him somehow, (at least, that's my impression) despite the general lack of emotional attachment in his voice. I hope I'm not wrong, but with Kent being as good at controlling his emotions as he is, I'll bet he's only hiding them, even while speaking of his father's desire to die, rather than linger on.

[“Sain is...I will do it.”] That Kent voices his willingness to kill his friend out of mercy...it's just horrible, but in a good way. Is it because he wants to spare Lyn from having to do it?

[He was shaking, and she admired that he could so easily show his emotions, knowing fully well that she couldn't do that anymore, not without feeling foolish, childish afterward.] Wonderful job. Lyn's an adult, even though she's young by today's standards. For Lyndis to feel as if she can't show her own emotions... Well, she's in a boat similar to Kent, isn't she?

[But to say that the day after Chief Dayan praised her so...she was Sacaean, so...] Oh, Lyn... That's so heartbreaking.

[He likes to take his own sweet time. We just-we just have to wait him out. You know that.] B'aw! Wil! He's so right, though, isn't he?

[“I’m sorry, Wil.”] That she says it so plainly... Ah...

[“Kent, he’s like your best friend, isn’t he? So why are you-there’s no way you want to do this. C’mon, you can’t do this. You can’t just turn your back and run away when you know that staying together is what’s right for us. Don’t you know that?”] You really just want to make me cry, don't you? I know what you're doing! Haha!

I'm shocked, though, that Lyn responds, not Kent. I'm sad that Lyn can't even look at Kent, though Kent agreed with her. Lyn's next response is sad, too. [She had no choice.] She's so wrong. But she doesn't see a way out, does she?

Oh, I can't even imagine what Florina might think.

[Kent hadn't wanted anything of hers to be attached to this act, but she had insisted; it was her choice, and she knew he was only abiding by it because of his sense of loyalty.] I knew it. I knew he was agreeing because of her. It's upsetting, though, that he doesn't argue against it, I suppose, considering Sain is his friend, too, and his voice should be heard, just like Wil's was. But this is Kent we're talking about, and I remember in earlier chapters, how lost he felt having no one to serve under anymore... So now he has someone, and I think he's taking it...perhaps a bit too far. But can he really help himself? It's almost like...without Lyn, Kent's completely lost. How sad.

[Look at her. Look at what she was doing to everyone. More than anything, she knew that this was going to destroy them because she knew that Wil would never see her as anything more than a murderer again.] And Kent, too, I'd imagine, since he so "willingly" goes along with it.

Florina's reaction is so sad, too. I don't think she's simply too kind-hearted, but rather...hurt, that Lyn would agree to something like that, that Kent would agree, too. I doubt Florina can understand the way Kent can. But I do wonder, about his father now. I wonder if part of his emotional detachment is somehow due to his father wanting to die. Is he angry or bitter that the man wanted out? Away from...him, and from his mother at the same time? I might be reading too much into things, but it's a valid possibility that Kent's father's wanting to die instead of stay hurt him something terrible.

It would be hard to hear your own parent saying they'd rather die and leave you than stay.

[Her arm wouldn't move.] I'm a bit confused. Kent walked in with her dagger, and she's walking in with his? Why is that? I mean...

[I'm weak, Lyn thought. I'm so weak.] Oh, wow. It's so sad that she thinks she's weak, but in reality, we know she's strong for going against the Kutolah and even her own heritage to save Sain's life. That takes real courage.

[“It’s okay. I just...I know you, so...”] That Florina keeps saying that is sad, but...amazing. It's like she's trying to imprint that fact onto Lyn's mind, that Lyn's not the type of person to hurt a friend, that Lyn's making the right decision, that someone DOES know and care about her. You write their friendship so well.

[“Uh, wait, what?” Through the light of Father Sky’s closing eye, she could see the rising hope on Wil’s face as he stared at her. Kent was looking at her too, his expression impossible for her to read past the shock.] D'oh! Kent's shocked! Also, Wil's hopefulness... This almost made me burst into tears, seriously.

[It made her wonder how Sacaean she truly was.] The saddest thing is really that Lyn has been able to reach no...actual definite decision about herself. She still doesn't know who she is.

And really, Lyn is...Lyn. It's just horrible that she can't see that. She doesn't have to Sacaen or Lycian. She just needs to be herself, because that's why her friends love her. I hope that Wil, Kent, Sain, and Florina can show her that.

Anyway, the euthanasia idea behind this makes perfect sense. In that kind of time period, also, I'm sure that people saw enough people die from hitting their heads/comas, that leaving them alive could easily be considered wasted effort. Might as well do them in and get it over with, eh? I'm against euthanasia, myself, especially when the person dying is one who can't even voice their own thoughts on the subject. In Sain's case... Well, Sain wouldn't want to die. It's just the type of person he is. If he could give his opinion, he'd probably ask Kent what the hell it was he was thinking.

So now I have to wonder...if Sain does wake up again, if he lives...will Kent and Lyn tell him what they almost did? Or will Wil tell him? Or will he just never find out?

Okay, so a final...bit here.

You do very well at characterization and plot. You seem to be following a plot that...is actually going somewhere. You also know how to deal with sensitive subject matter (such as euthanasia) with maturity and...clarity. Clarity, because you present everything so clearly, but not just one side of the argument... You present both sides. For Lyn, it's a way of living- or was. For Kent, it's already happened to someone he's cared about. To Wil and Florina, it's cruel and unnecessary. How unfair to strip Sain of a chance at living!

I love how you've dealt with that situation. That Lyn makes the decision to spare Sain... Well, I think it might, in the long run, lighten that load she's carrying on her shoulders. And Kent... God, I can't imagine how he must be feeling at that point. I'd try to put it into words, but I'm out of space again!

Thanks so much for writing!

Cheer

Hey there Trimurti! I'm so sorry about my slowness in reviewing. Honestly, I meant to get to this earlier. This weekend's just been hectic. As much as I love your writing and this story, I do wish you'd have updated this next weekend, since it's the start of my vacation and I'd have had the time to review immediately instead of making you wait so darned long!

Anyway, wow, since the last time I talked to you, a lot has happened. My grandmother passed away, I found out I need dentures (yeah, and I'm almost 23, so that's kind of disappointing, but also really good, since I'm tired of being in pain all the time), and I've written a billion things.

At any rate, it's good to see you back (and I know Samuraiter's coming back soon, too, which is also good). We need our old BNFs in this fandom. It seems to die without you guys. Hahaha.

Anyway, the only thing that sucks about this being updated is that I had to go back and read a bit to see what had happened in the last chapter. I remember bits and pieces about the 'fic, but not everything in its entirety. After all, it's been so long since the last update, haha!

(Also, I apologize if my review gets a bit spotty or doesn't make much sense. My carpal tunnel or tendinitis or whatever it is I have just isn't getting better. I can only thank God that I still have a job, though, so yeah.)

[She was told that it was the great conflict of her affinity and she would have to defeat it if she ever wanted to realize her true potential.] Very cool. I do see Lyn the same way, to be honest. I mean, I have always thought that she was a well-balanced character. Easily excitable, sure, but not impatient unless it was about something important, and not easily angered, either, unless she or a friend is insulted.

[She bore the weight of so many deaths because she had failed to act, and even now that she had promised to go back and avenge the deaths of her tribe, it was still too late in a sense, wasn't it?] I like these lines, because I think people in general forget that Lyn probably feels at least (AT LEAST) partially responsible, deep down, for the death of her own tribe. I mean, I'm sure the others fought. I'm sure she fought, too, to an extent. But seeing as how she was in a coma for ten days, I'd wager that she couldn't fight very well, and likely couldn't even really defend herself. Instead of looking at things from a lighter perspective (ie: her father saved her life, sacrificed her for himself), she is (in my opinion) far more likely to look at things from the dark side. Or she might even wonder, you know, why her father bothered to save her. Why was SHE one of the chosen few to survive that attack? Divine Intervention? Did (God)(a god)(Mother Earth)(Father Sky) want her to live for some specific reason?

I'm working rather slowly on a novelization that I haven't posted yet, and those are pretty much the thoughts that I have running through Lyn's head. Not when the attack actually hits, but later down the road, when she's been alone and knows what loneliness really is... When she determines that she's really nothing special. (And other things, but I won't bore you.)

[She had to remain strong for everyone, and she clung to that thought and tried to keep her trembling hidden, buried.] That is SO Lyn. It's so her. I think she tries to be strong for everyone, especially Florina, who Lyn probably thinks needs that pillar of strength there for her. In this case, I think Lyn's the most mature out of most of the others- excluding Kent. (Wil, Florina, and Sain are the others I mean.) So naturally, she would feel that she had to be strong. I think, also, that she's very big-sisterly, and that also perhaps affects her judgment.

[Sacae was for Sacaeans, some of the more prideful tribes insisted.] Something else I want to address in my novelization. I have wondered if perhaps the Lorca were of the same mindset. If Madelyn was ever truly accepted into their tribe, and if Lyn was, perhaps, treated differently for only being of half blood.

[and she had to tell herself that the disdain she thought she had heard in that last word was just a trick of her mind or else she would do something unthinkable.] I really like the way you write Lyn. This is also very...her.

Okay, wow. You really have a way of writing things. First, let me say about the first bit, that I love the fact that you are addressing racism. I know that Sardonic Kender Smile did a wonderful, unique way of addressing it in a oneshot, ("Barbaric Charm") but not many people bother to stop and really consider what the races of Elibe are, or how they feel about one another. Lyn, for example, cannot possibly be loved by everyone in-game, as I'm sure there are people who would look down on Sacaen men and women. (Rath and Guy would also have these problems, though Rath is probably used to it, at least.) Anyway, that Lyn sees and hears the Kutolah healer's dislike of Sain (or foreigners in general) is a wonderful touch to this story. Her heart lingering in other lands was a good touch, too. Anyway, I have always wondered about the tribes of Sacae, and how they felt about other tribes, and just other people in general.

It is good, though, that the healer did not rail on Lyn for being of half-blood...yet. Seeing your title of this chapter, I do hope that we see more of this race conflict.

And the mercy? Makes sense. I do hope Sain awakens. Also, you wrote Kent well, too. He would just stare. Though he also seems like the pacing type, I totally see him as having a headache quite often, and have written that many times in 'fics. Wil's a pacer, for sure. Maybe even a ranter while he paces, hahaha.

[Kent had said nothing at all, the small frown on his face hiding as much of his feelings as it showed them] That seems a bit awkwardly worded. Maybe: [Kent had said nothing at all, the small frown on his face hiding as many of his feelings as it showed.] Or something.

[while Florina edged towards her to have someone to duck behind once Sain's roving eyes found her next.] I think it might sound better if "once" was "when". Anyway, I like that whole line, and I can see Lyn really thinking it. It would be so hard to see someone you cared about simply lying there. In her case, things are worse, because she knows his time is running out, more so than the others. (Though the others can't be strangers to the fact that a person in a coma will eventually die if they do not awaken. I'd say that Lyn herself, unconscious for ten days, was probably close to death.)

[There was the men's world and the women's world] Thank you for that! No, seriously. I think people exaggerate on Sacae's inclusion of women doing men's jobs. I firmly believe that they were relatively strict about women's work and men's work, and that they functioned as a community. Women did THIS, and men did THAT, and rarely did a woman do what a man was supposed to, and vice-versa. So I always thought that Lyn learning the sword was probably something her father chose to do to indulge her (she was totally a daddy's girl), rather than actual tradition. I could be wrong about that, of course, but that's just a thought.

[knowing that it would never be given to her] This is sad, but also...really great. I probably sound like a moron for repeating this, but again, the women vs. men deal; it's real, and even in today's society, it exists. I work with a lot of men who don't think women have any business working in a factory. (I tell them that if they paid my bills for me, I wouldn't have to work in a factory.) At any rate, that Lyn feels this sexism so heavily, and knows better than to do or say anything about it (even though it clearly bothers her) is just... It's realistic, I think. Lyn hates it when Hector judges her for being a woman in-game. (And he does it a lot, so I can't ship them, but it does say a lot about both characters, doesn't it?)

[Talliver] Should be "Taliver", with one L.

[so long as you can see in front of you with clear eyes] A reference to Wallace's mention, perhaps?

[even if we all wondered why he would insult our sisters by shunning them] YES, YES, YES!

Lyndis's greediness. I like that you've given her that... As weird as it sounds for me to say it, I think that Lyn craves acceptance. This isn't a trait I think fits this story specifically, but one I personally see in her in-game. She wants to please her grandfather so much that she's almost ashamed of herself and her...I don't know, lack of an ability to be a good "lady", as mentioned in her supports with Eliwood. It's like she loses her pride.

[She exhaled, thinking Sain] A comma after "thinking".

Okay, I'm almost out of space to review, so let me finish off this review, and begin a new one. I know, I know, I'm such a reviewaholic. I love giving and writing them. It's actually kind of sad.

So far, for this chapter, I'd like to say that you've handled Lyn really well. As I think I've said before, either via review or via email, I think you have a special way of handling the characters. It's as if you really know how to get inside their minds, and you're not nearly as wordy as I am; you get your point across simply and elegantly at the same time, not using too many nor too few words. I really have to admire and respect that about a fellow 'ficcer. I'd say one of my own faults in writing is that I use too many words when I don't have to. Unnecessary description, I suppose. But you don't seem to have that problem.

Lyn's greed was just...wow. That she's so prideful, but still found wanting, needing... It's something your readers can relate to, perhaps, if they stop and think hard enough.

Cheers,

-Manna

You're back! I missed you. As always, this was good. I had, however, in your absence, forgotten about the killing off of Mark. Which sort of dampened my spirits a bit, but what can one do? Anywho, keep on updating.

Please save Sain! Please please please please! T_T He's one of my favorite characters!

!

I'm not sure I can express how elated I was when I opened my inbox this afternoon and saw a 'New Chapter' alert for this story. Yes the cliffhanger from the last chapter was rather exasperating, but I say the patience paid off. Relieved that Sain has not died (refuse to say 'yet'). I actually found the whole euthanasia theme in this chapter rather interesting, from a cultural perspective. Was this based on any particular historical practice you researched, or was it just an idea that fit the needs of the story?

Again, so excited to see this updated. I still love your writing. Thanks~

Yay! Trimurti, I'm so glad to see this upd8ed again :D :D :D :D :D :D If I may be forgiven for it, would it be permitted for me to start off this review as I usually do...

"her emotions to spiral out of control whenever her emotions were churned up"

Might be better as "her emotions to spiral out of control whenever they were churned up"

less repetitive

"a passive accomplice to the crimes of others"

A passive accomplice *in* the crimes of others, I think :)

Anyways, those are the only lil' errors I could find...either my eye is growing less sharp or you're getting better :D I really quite liked this chapter, and not just because it was the first one in a while, either. You do an excellent job of framing Lyn's moral dillema-either follow the ways of her people and let Sain die, or do all she can to help them. I'm really glad she chose the latter...I hope Sain doesn't buy it ;_; Excellent work, and as I noted in previous chapters, you're still doing a very very good job of fleshing out the world of Elibe and its various cultures. Great to see moar from you! :D :D