Supposed to have been posted 15 September 2012, at and the Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents. My computer went down again in June of 2012 with a virus. Then in late November kotorfanmedia went down for reasons unknown, so I was stymied in my attempts to post the reviews. I had waited for it to revive, but you on deserve your reviews.

Your opening paragraph was far too long. Remember that a paragraph should deal with only one idea. By my count, it covered four.

Some confusing sentence structure and lack of punctuation; As an example, 'It is said you have passed with honors every single one of the assassin tests thrown at you and that is something that I Lord Leon can advance to a level that will make the mere mention of your name to those pathetic Jedi a death sentence'. would read better as;

'It is said you have passed every single one of the assassin tests thrown at you with honors. That is something that I, Lord Leon can advance to a level that will make the mere mention of your name to those pathetic Jedi a death sentence'.

The other problem is flow. Think of a river; your story should flow smoothly from place to place, taking the reader with it. Overly long paragraphs or confusing sentences are like sand bars snagging the reader and dragging them to a stop.

The piece is intriguing, but I don't know if the Sith carry over the 'Padawan' into their lexicon since all you ever hear the Dark Jedi calling a student is 'apprentice'.

you are taking way to much time

update already damn it

awesome. i have never seen such a powerful original story

wow. This is actually the best fic I've read recently! Do update soon. It is very rare that a fic with completely new charachters and backgrounds manages to capture my attention completely.

Usually the whole ideea of fanfics is that the attention is already granted by the fact that the stories are about already famous/loved/hated/known charachters, but so far your charachters are new and extremely interesting.

Update!

Outstanding, wish I could write as well as you do well cant wait for the rest of this good job keep them coming :)