Excellent. I am really unfamiliar with this "game" but your descriptions and flow are superior.

Sometimes when one is describing a confusing or mentally disorienting passage such as

this, it gets jarbled and the sort of chaotic and despair filled vibe gts lost completely in

confusion. You managed to avoid this, and kept it well patched all the way to the end. Great

Work.

Well I don't have so much of an issue with the paragraph breaks, because it conveys the frantic and jumbled emotions of your character. However I do think you need to work on your punctuation. For what it was, this was an interesting piece, but I wonder what Card book you are basing it off of? You should either make this clear (because I can't tell and I have read over forty of his books and remember all of them), change the category to something that applies, or post it on FictionPress as an original work.

~Silver

First off, this is the wrong category for this story.

Some advice: add paragraph breaks, begin your sentences differently, vary the lengths of your sentences, and above all, CLARITY. I have absolutely no idea what this piece is about, and it makes no sense. The overall feeling I get from it is confusion. It needs a lot of work!