Interesting idea, but you need to differentiate between who is talking. It is very hard to follow the conversation. And a little more background as to who Catherine and MacKenzie is would be helpful. I'd recomend finding a beta to help you with the details. But all in all, a good idea. Good luck.

The continued dialog (with no "said Cath" "exclaimed Penelope" etc) makes the middle setion quite hard to follow- especially when TinTin is added to the mix. Other than this, a good start- I shall be interested to see where this goes.