Again, a real nice little snippet. I enjoyed it.

:-D

A thoroughly lovely, yet complicated, look at the beginning of Tifa's time with Barret and Marlene. Excellent fic.

VERY sweet and lovely and I feel gooey now~

You write Tifa, Barret, and Marlene and their world in such a way that I can see that despite the squalor and filth and lack of anything 'nice', these three people can be happy...this story shows how Tifa could claim Barret and Marlene as her family, why the would care about each other so much. Home isn't the place, it's who you share that place with.

mar

You ought to get a frackin' humanitarian award. Instead, someone at the Genesis Awards site (see my author bio for a link there) thinks this might be a winning Short-Fic. No, this one is far greater than what you realize.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: Maybe one here and there... nothing that murders my eyes, though.

Style: Largely an account without dialogue (that might have been useful but I bet dialogue is a weak point in your style), but I dare anyone not to marvel at this.

Form/Pace/Structure: Mostly long paragraphs hell-bent on describing the one thing that most fan-fiction authors overlook: the sheer poverty and squalor of the slums. Although it isn't the most tidy presentation, it goes where you want to take us.

Plot: Now, this is what I absolutely enjoy. Without taking from the external spin-off games of the canon, you've successfully described Tifa's beginnings with Avalanche leader Barret Wallace, and perhaps the sort of things they did to secure their living and master their trades. You also offer an excellent amount of humanity to the slums and its denizens that is sorely lacking.

Characterization: They behave like they would. I don't know... there are debates about Tifa's bust, although puberty wouldn't have been terribly kind (that bit about slouching to guard herself is poignant, regardless). And describing Barret as a bouncer sort of makes a boat-load of sense. I'm not sure about Tifa's foster parents and their relative lack of perception about what their youth is doing.

Canon Consistency: Here's where we divulge. This scores half of what it can acquire because you dodge the insights provided by other games and Advent Children. Plenty of stuff covered in a game like Before Crisis, for example, might differ on where or how Tifa and Barret actually meet. But it rides solely upon the original game... and that's what matters. Nobody acts out of character, either.

Originality: Nobody else has described actual poverty in any of these stories on Final Fantasy VII. It's something that got lost in that whole mystical quest to save the planet kind of crap that we're always subjected to in these games. I pretty much hate having to save a whole world when the little world is far more compelling (and needs a lot more saving than the whole world could ever boast of). There's such a humane touch that I can't help but mention it repeatedly.

Does this fit? Yeah, if you read the start of the review, you'd have no doubt: this story transcends the awards themselves and stands by itself.

Overall, it scored pretty high on my little card I have to submit to the admin's attention back at Genesis Awards. I highly recommend this for a nomination for an award there.

Personal Notes: When I first beheld the game, I imagined the whole game would take place in the underbellies and undercurrents of that one city. That would be enough for a compelling game, for it to take place there. Wouldn't that be a marvel?

I also have a big load of empathy for the characters in this story. See, I lived in abject poverty in a small town-not a big city, but far worse-with nowhere to shop, work, or hang out within one mile of my house... if you could call it that.

I never had my own room-forced to share with two older brothers-and when I finally moved out, I forgot to purchase a vehicle first. I eke by okay, better than some, but the opportunities I should have are way out of sight without one. When I moved, I intended to at least stay in the city where public transportation exists.

Instead, I got stuck in what can be called a "South Boston Suburb" that failed to develop enough commerce or industry to support perks like public transportation. So I understand what it's like to be paid under the table and suffer some manner of alienation on the job.

So this story touched me on a great scale. I came into the whole judge process thinking I'd have to endure one too many romantic fics that would bleed my eyes through my navel. You sure showed me... in a good way, too. I hope you appreciate the work you have made here, for it is one of the best on the site... not because you got FFVII right... but because you'd appeal to somebody that never even heard of the game at all. Thank you.

I like this, a very believable and well-written account of Tifa's life in Midgar. Good job. :)

Too cute. :)

This is really interesting I hope you continue, is it going to be a barret/tifa fic?

This is a lovely story. I had never actually considered how Tifa came to live in Midgar and your explanation is very believable, if also sad and a little frightening.

I love Tifa's awe at the sheer size of the city. It seems like exactly the kind of reaction she would have, coming from a small town as she did.

I also really enjoy the interaction between Tifa and Barret. I like the way that they share their loathing for Shinra in a quiet understated kind of way. I love the way that Barret helps Tifa to feel more at ease in the tiny little apartment she's living in and I love the way they set up house together and look at that abandoned building and think of starting a business some day.

It's all just very cute and cozy and I really enjoy it. There should be more stories like this about Tifa and Barret. Your dialogue is very believable and you describe the two separate parts of Midgar very well. Are the bys who Tifa tries to refuse a drink perhaps young Turks? I wasn't completely sure about that.

Some nitpicking:

"After she was released from the hospital, Tifa was driven by a woman in a blue suit to a gray house near the edge of the plate, smaller than the ones near the center, with a postage stamp of the yard." "The yard" should be "a yard."

"The place paid her in cash, though less so after the time she tried to ask for ID, and she hid the money under her mattress." I would change the last part to ". . . though it was less cash after the ID incident . . ."

"Marlene and Barret already seemed to be." I would add "used to the apartment."

"We probably get evicted soon anyway, landlord's tryin' to act like I ain't paid the rent just 'cause I happened to mention Shinra's a bunch of murderin' scum and his son in they military."" I would change the end to "his son's in the military."

This fills in the gaps between Tifa ending up in Midgar and the start of things nicely. Loved the characterizations and the friendship between Barret and Tifa and Marlene.

Nice work. I like the way you characterized them here.

I liked this. Had those realistic ideas in it that mostly everyone ignores but probably shouldn't. I love the descriptions - they really set the scene well. The characterizations are very nice too. Marlene is too damn cute for her own good, isn't she? This is just what I wanted to read, anyway. Thanks for sharing!