cool story

kewl

_

hope u put the next chappie up soon

I'll read the rest soon. But I like what I'm seeing.

Aww, thats so sweet.

Yay! Happieness...

That was pretty interesting, definitely a nice read .

Sorry I don't have much to say right now, BUUT, keep up the great work!

Hm... the plot thickens.

I likey. Nice comic relief... although I find it disturbing that THAT'S why Anju always wants you to catch the stupid Cuccos. so they can end up a nasty supper.

You might want to try and put in a bit of imagery or more description though. Your writing style is nicely fast-paced, but I found myself skipping over sentences a bit if they weren't very interesting. Story is shaping up nicely, though. Keep it up when you can... believe me I know how it is not being able to update. my freaking COMPUTER got STOLEN. _

I like it so far.

I'll keep checking up on this one.

Cool, I liked the description of the swords. This chapter was pretty interesting, I can't wait to see how the rest of this story unfolds .

A few MLA deviations are scattered here and there, but you hold true sytactically most of the time.

I like it, so I will go into detail about the problems I've seen so far so that you will fix them in the future:

1-PACING! Not a single event is given precedence over another! There are no lapses in time... no jumps into characters' minds during walks... nothing. Remember, pacing is key to keeping your story from becoming a grocery list of events.

2-Dialogue is very well-crafted. You are far and away one of the better writers I've read in this regard. However, you could definately use some improvement.

"'I didn’t think you could run so fast.' Link said. They knocked on the door and waited for an answer."

I cite this as an example of what I mean. There are no indications of breathlessness, no words to describe tone of voice, no explanations of facial expressions, or anything along these lines. Dialogue description is one of the most important yet one of the most overlooked parts of imagery; do NOT continue to neglect it.

With that said, so far so good. Your characters are honorable and true, and though you cross the border into the realm of clichés, these lapses are few and far between to the extent at which they are forgivable. I look forward to reading the other chapters you've written.

Hardcore freakin' awesomeness! Powerful sense of betrayal... very exciting, too. The swords sound awesome looking, you should try making a fan art and then linking to em on your profile. I'd like to see your image of them. Glad you found the time to update; believe me i understand not having time or being distracted. I've had stories just go unfinished for two years.

Keep up the good work if you can!

Yay for Missy! I love your story so much! And I'm glad you actually decided to put it online after it sat around the house for a while. For all of you who don't know, and that probably is all of you, the author is my big sister...AND I'M SO PROUD! YAYNESS FOR THE STORY!Update soon or I will have to hit you!

PS: I know I can just tell you this at home, but as you know, I love writing...and SESSHY-SAMA!

I was going to be lazy and not log in...but seeing as how you have anonymous reviews disabled, I suppose I'll just stick with logging in...lol.

That chapter was awesome! I liked it a lot .

Awesome! Very creepy, and I have to say that I live with a three-year-old and Link in the first chapter was more than a little disturbing in his realisticness (especially since the one I know has blond hair and blue eyes. Actually so do i.) I like the placement of Ezlo in here before he became a bird hat thingy.

Lock seems like a very good character, and the "light" about Link seemed actually like a small tribute to The Matrix Reloaded/Revolutions, but I could be wrong. Keep it up if you can, this is going on story alerts!

cliffie! i like this story so keep going!