I'm sorry, I'm sure this is a lovely story, judging from the reviews it seems fantastic. I really tried, but I can't read anything that has me cringing every line and your fic did that to me. Maybe try getting a beta, that could help. Take a grammar class. Anything. Absolutely no offense to your content and ideas meant!

Your grammar is really bad. The way you word things, spelling, no commas, its all really really bad. I wanted to keep reading but it's too hard to understand what the hell you'resaying so I'm going to stop. I hope you can improve your writing because the story seemed interesting.

Just finished this fic! Amazing! I like that it doesn't quite fit the storyline, you've taken the characters and told a great story that's different x

I absutely loved this fic. I cried so many times which shows that you can really play with the readers emotions. Pob lwc with your own stories

April x

I ABSOLUTLY LOVE THIS STORY! it is so good and sirius is hilarious and i just love it so much! amazing job!

Your story is a bit off J.K.'s storyline. It seems like Peter is still going be the reason James and Lily die so...I was hoping this one would end in them STAYING alive...guess not..

She is as stubborn as a mule. Just snog him senseless and date him,then get over with this crap..

She HAS to have a miscarriage. If she doesn't then...well it wouldn't fit with the Harry potter storyline at all.

I dunno what to feel about that. Sad that Larry is gone in such a tragic way. Yet at the same time I'm happy that hes gone so she can be with James.

Larry can burn to death for all I care...considering hes a fictional character...that I happen to hate by the way. I want LJ! To hell with Larry. Give me LJ!

looks like it'd be an alright story,but I'm thinking about stopping here. It just isn't grabbing my attention. Its hard to focus on it.

I just finished this story! It was so so so good! I wasn't sure at first if I would like it because of Larry and Sammie! In my head they weren't even a possibility but you wrote them so well that I just couldn't help but believe this is what happened! This is something I wish J.K. Rowling would write! I love seeing different people's ideas on what happened before Harry! Thanks for your time and passion!

Well done your story is awesome and deserves to still be read!

X

Hello Krstna,

Okay, I finally got the time to read this story -bangs head against screen- I’ve been so busy with finals, test, homework, work, being sick (Geez, I fainted this morning -_-“ not that comfortable, I tell you xD) my own stories, betaing, the Naruto and Harry Potter fandom and life in general that I’ve barely had time to do anything fun , but . . . well . . . I’ve been writing on my own fictions of course – as I mentioned – because they’ve been my top priority, hehe xD Anyway! I’m here to leave a review, so that’s what you’re going to get! I hope you like short reviews; don’t know though -_-“ I'm not that good with long reviews, I usually leave long reviews when I find an interesting story, and you'll realise if this is a good story thanks to my review (from my opinion though xP) I’m rambling, ignore this paragraph xD

There was a lot of things I liked in this story, and I ADORE the fact that it’s about Lily and James as well as Sirius, I love those characters, and my new obsession is Harry Potter fanfics with Harry’s parents alive. It’s so freaking sad that he doesn’t have his parents in the cannon story, it makes me want to cry sometimes, because they seemed to be so nice, and I dunno if you’ve read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows but SPOLIER! SPOLIER! SPOLIER! It was so cute when Harry found a picture of himself as a one year old zooming in and out of a picture on a mini broomstick; you being able to see James legs running after him every time he passed the picture SPOILER! SPOILER! SPOILER! . . . TT_TT Well, well . . . ignore my whining, I’ve got some things to tell you. Oh wait . . . before that . . . you mentioned that you had read DH . . . hehe . . . you can ignore the above xD

First off: I loved reading this story! x3 It contained friendship, romance, love, family and the long, hard, sweaty, painful, opposite-to-enjoyable way for a great “relationship story”, even though it all was one big tragedy xD I’m a weird person, but I simply loved this story! (Hate the fact that so many people were killed, well, well . . .) I’ve got to say that I actually have some critique (I love critique, really, because that means that the readers are taking their time reading my story, and then think about it before reviewing :3) to give you, good, bad and constructive, hmm? So prepare yourself :3 At least I’m giving you a warning, huh? xD I’ve got a lot of things to say though and I want you to know that nothing is meant to be felonious ;P Sometimes, I ramble and then all of a sudden, there’s this little sentence that’s not supposed to be there you know . . .-_-“ Anyway!

The beginning of the story was great, you introduced the story from Lily’s P.O.V (it was mostly from Lily’s P.O.V all the time, and I actually liked that) and then, at random times James would show up as well, you had made yourself an introduction, and it was extremely well-written, which reminds me; you’re simply awesome with grammar, spelling, capitalization, DEATILS! (especially details :3), descriptions, emotions, keeping the characters quite IC, realistic writing and to keep a good length of the chapters as well as for the story itself :D I tend to write too much when writing a story, but when I read this, I realised that I write quite little :S I also liked the part where Lily were kissed by James in the beginning of the story, at the Ministry, and then Rita Skeeter was there . . . damn that hag . . .

But I’ve got to tell you about the things I didn’t like as much either . . . the sex scene was interesting, but at the same time kind of bad – don’t get me wrong, I love the story – but this incident that made me tilt my head and arch a brow. I can read sex scenes, and quite brutal scenes containing violence, but you’ve got to write it correctly, and what I want to tell you, is that; in this case, the scene and all that was great and well-written, but at the wrong time, the wrong place and just . . . well . . . it was wrong. This sounds strange, I know, but I hope you understand what it is I’m trying to say. It didn’t fit in the story.

Oh, I came to think about another great thing about the story; James’ reactions to the pregnancies were awesomely well-written; I reacted pretty much the same as him, but I cried as well (quite much to top it all off -_-“). But anyway, Lily’s reaction was off the second time she found out. I can understand why she reacted the way she did and why she didn’t tell anyone about it, but still . . . :S

Now . . . what else to tell you, well, the constructive criticism is left! xP It was a great story in general, but I noticed, from time to time, that things were too slow. 169 chapters and it was like . . . 4 years I think. It’s an art to be able and write a story at a good pace, I tend to write too fast, so yeah . . . I can’t give you personal advice on how to make things better, sorry -_-“ I DID LIKE ANOTHER THING THOUGH! xD James not dating other women! (Lily dated Larry, so darn . . . humph . . . I liked him though, so sad he had to be killed) I know, strange, yeah, but you know . . . he could have been jealous and all that at other guys for dating women, but he wasn’t, he had his thoughts on Lily all those years; he didn’t have time to be jealous, and that’s a sign of maturity :D

Something else I noticed was that you kept making the same error concerning the verb “to use” when it should have been “used”, you used “use” (Okay, that’s worth a lol! xD) It was written like this – as an example; “He had never USE one of those before.” Instead of it being written like this; “He had never USED one of those before.” I think I saw this happening 5 times or something, it may be a simple careless mistake, but since it happened repeatedly, I arched a brow. Thought I might tell you about it :]

All in all, I loved the story, and I’d like to see more from you, thank you for a wonderful story! :D -runs off to read more story where James and Lily are alive and about-

(So sad they had to die though . . . this was a story that could have been their real lives, but who knows :] You’ve got some amazing writing skills)

Huggles,

Mi

I would ignore "Sophie", the reviewer before me. She's an imbecile. This is an excellent story. It's well-written with precise diction and very few grammatical errors. (What she wrote doesn't make sense anyway, how can something be missing diction?) And she clearly doesn't understand how publishing fanfiction is plagiarism... People like her who have IQs below 100 shouldn't be allowed on this website, nor out in public without supervision.

Personally I don't like that Lily was about to marry Larry, but you more than made it clear that this is about Lily and James. Kudos!