please update this fic with a new chapter i cant wait to see what happens next

The premise for this story is a blatant self insert fic with no purpose. Just thought I'd say.

Get a better premise

Okay, first off names, they need to be capitalized. It's not john its John. Secondly, 706 words is extremely short, especially for a first chapter. Thirdly, you need to seriously work on your grammar, and I do mean SERIOUSLY.

What you have right now is a fragment, it is basically a 'scene' not a chapter. You need to work on how to put more feeling, description, and general interest into your writing. It might be smart to also start a word of the day program, pick up a dictionary, find a word you don't know, memorize it and its meaning, and find some way to use it during the day in a correct sentence. Written or spoken.

I might also suggest reading a few other stories, such as Avatar 1/2 by sleeping bear

Insertion by Carrot Glace

and Locked outa Love: Guest Ki by BTB

for a better idea of what makes a good self insert.

Other suggestions I can make is pick up a thesaurus, start listening to your english teacher, and just generally try looking around for other good stories. Also start trying to come up with interesting, involved and somewhat complex characters, idea's and what not. I'm not trying to be mean, rude, or anything, but you do need some serious work here to get anywhere close to a good self insert. Believe me there isn't many out there, and I'd like to one day see a really good one with your name next to it. Heres hoping.

that was a nice start, and i'm courious about what you have planed for futere chapters...

cool idea, but kind of a slow start. you only need to say its 'am' when ur characters are reading from a clock or something. just write stuff like

'8 in the morning' instead. 'am' makes your characters sound like robots. oh and so you know, you have anonymous reviews disabled (so if youre wondering why you dont have too many reviews, thats why). i look forward to reading more of this fic.