I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to reply!

:P I can swallow the villains having the dragonballs. You write very very well.

Nice invention of Bulma's. It's exactly the sort of thing she'd do.

I feel sorry for Puar this chapter. You characterised her so well and her interaction with Yamcha... wow!

Everything about this chapter was fantastic! I like the way you've structured your scenes and the way you ended this chapter leaves you thinking.

Thanks for the update!

I forgot to mention that Bulma keeping a journal and what she writes in it is a lovely addition.

Hm, no Oolong this chapter, but this was good.

Having Shu steal the journal for Pilaf successfully... it's very interesting. The way you described it and the fact that no place is impenetrable is wonderful. Shu sensing ki is certainly plausible and an interesting idea. Pilaf's reaction to his last two servants, well I suppose that's justified.

I noticed one or two spelling errors, the one I remember is you've used the word taught when you mean taut. Taught means to teach, taut means to pull tight.

You do fight scenes very well and the contrast between two fighters who are almost on an equal level, and two who are not is really pronounced. Action is hard to write, but well done! Both Piccolo and Gohan and the interaction is interesting. I like the training scene with Videl. She's so in character and I think you managed to capture Goku very well.

I like your descriptions of ki manipulation, both in this fic and in The Beginning of the End.

You aren't over using the 'it's all Goku's fault' line yet you can feel that that's still what the story's about.

Pilaf wants to fuse with someone? Oh god, what horrors will that bring? His confusion at some bits of Bulma's diary is classic. I can see him muttering, "worthless drivel". The dragonballs were all collected and ready for him. How perfect :P.

You must finish both this and The Beginning of the End. I need your rich descriptions! :P

Pilaf's self centred self importance is great. This scene was hilarious! It's interesting that you made his interest in World Domination only extends to one planet, his home world. His characterisation is very funny. I could give you plenty of quotes which I think are just perfect, but that would be most of the scene. I never imagined him to be so eloquent! He's so delusioned and determined!

“Yes, man,” Pilaf just managed to keep his balance, “are you drunk!” This line has me in fits!

Oolong's laziness is perfect. His thoughts on his staying at Kame House are also very interesting. You mentioned Yamcha. Yay! (He's a personal favourite of mine.) The conversation between Oolong and Master Roshi is very realistic. It's interesting to see Roshi haunted by his long life and how uncomfortable that and the topic of conversation is making Oolong nervous.

Maron has great timing :P. That was great comedy. It's nice how it's there, but fairly subtle and in character. And it's still somehow Goku's fault! I love it!

Jumping back in time for the Bulma and Vegeta bit made it interesting. Nicely links up everything. I like the topic of the argument and they way it was written, slightly civilized, but still insulting. Vegeta's attitude is down pat and Bulma's smugness is just right.

The way you finished this chapter off had me laughing again and it works wonderfully!

Lovely detail once again.

I love the premise to this story. It's interesting the two characters you've decided to contrast and very scary at how similar Pilaf and Oolong think. I like the way you're doing it so far.

I like how you have Oolong transforming to help himself out. It's fun and his internal thoughts are hilarious. It's interesting also as to who he transforms into.

Your description of Pilaf and his space station scene was great! I love how it's told from the Chief of Docking's perspective and how Pilaf can still strike fear into people (with the help of an overly armoured spaceship of course :D).

The way you added in both character's scenes that it's somehow all Goku's fault I liked. It flows really well and makes me smile.

Maron is very cute :).

Your writing is beautifully detailed!

I like this chapter. I love the spar session between Goku and Videl, very well done, from the fight to the conversation, it was perfect. Update!

SM

This chapter had some funny parts, from Oolong going on about Master Roshi gatering up his pension to Vegeta and Bulma being...well themselves...and going at it over a journal and a key. I'm curious to as what he invention is so update soon.

SM

I take it this is about Oolong, which is a twist since not many stories are but wow...that last part. Him saying that Goku ruined his life, now that is interesting. I want to see where this is going and why he's making such statements. You have me interested. Update Soon.

SM