I love this story. It has to be one of the best on this website.

Great story

Keep writing as life allows

Nice doubledate.

Really liked the story so far but it is getting a little bit difficult to read through. The entire story so far has basically been Harry getting fucked over again and again while he drowns in his problems as everybody pats him on the back, tells him its okay and ditches him again. I have always thought it annoying when Harry is forced to reveal every secret he has and tell everybody every little thing. When Harry has a personal project of some sort and immediately everybody demands he tell them about it when all the secrets about Harry that they know are answered with "It's not important" or he is deflected away. I think you have done a great job at engaging me with Harry and how he feels, but man is it getting depressing watching him get screwed over repeatedly. I think the story has hit a bit of a flat and nothing is changing other than Harry's reasons to be depressed.

Excellent work.

Taken out of context (and possibly even in context) Harry's letter sounds really pretentious.

This is a very well written story. I love it.

maybe hades child

i bet gabriella is a demigod...

This is one messed up story, not for me,but i wish you well with it

Well Harry is becoming a bit a crap kind of guy. I would just tell him to forth ect as he has nothing to say of any importance he’s trying to and understand his life, he’s just wasting time trying to talk to people he does’nt want to here from. Right now i feel he should walk away, as he wanted to do from the start of his last summer. Perhaps take Gabriella with him..

What a load of tosh, didn’t like this chapter at all and a crappy finish, however it’s only one chapter and I liked the story so far, keep going.

DaveC

I live this

Intriguing first chapter.

Current feedback: I'm ~1/3 of the way through this and I feel like I'm forcing myself to read it.

It's like there's some great mystery constantly but never properly hinted at and drawn out for so long it becomes a chore reading until I find out what it is rather than a delight.

The main thing that gets me is how the characters, not just Harry but him primarily as he's the focus, have so little control over their emotions and that the plot is basically running along because of that.

Perhaps that's not the intent or perhaps it is and this is part of the big mystery, I don't know and I honestly don't think it matters any more.

I try to give something productive in reviews so I think I would say what I've seen from successful authors who use suspense and intrigue in their writing is that it tends to be fast paced. A series of small mysteries and reveals that follow along with the overarching plotline. In this way the reader is drawn in but not held there for too long before the reveal, the payoff.

This is also my opinion and coloured by my personal preference so take all this with a pinch of salt.