This was really good! Short and not necessarily sweet but all the better for it. I like what you did with the POV, and overall this was unique and nicely written

That was definitely dark, but amazing. I could feel this haunting vibe that Jack had. Not the mention the way you described his eyes was beautiful. I found myself wanting to gaze into those pools of ice. And Ralph's and Jack's characterization was spot on. Jack had that same territorial sense to him, and Ralph was resistant. Very well done. Any chance for a continuation, even though it's been years since you've worked on this?

This is an awesome story. Jack's psychoness come's through great, and I really like the immediacy of it all. I think Ralph's character isn't out there and forceful enough, though I do like the reaction he has int the last four paragraphs.

OMG... That was...AMAZING!

The amount of detail in the was brilliant and the plot was wonderful. I sound a little too enthusiastic but oh well.

I loved it. You got the character's personalities so well.

Excellent.

Well done.

Take care!

oh how deliciously dark, very psychological and intriguing. Only v.v.v small criticism I have is that in both of the stories I have read of yours ('in his gaze' and 'fault') You have used the word 'ozone' not quite in the right way, it doesn't sound right or really fit the story. 'Air' would suit the need perfectly. But Hey, thats just what I think, no offence meant.

WOW this may be terribly late, but I must tell you that I love this! Thanks so much for sharing!

Ooh, yes, very nice. *favourites*

Oh... wow. That was excellent. Completely enticing. It was very creative to write in second person! I absolutely loved how torturously slow the story moved along. Very impressive and added to my favorties list.

Dear Editor

wow realy good, i was listeing to a slow song that went perfectly with this just not, kinda violent, poor raplh, but still really good writting

Sounds like Ralph got extremely beaten up in this - poor boy. But anyway, good work!

Wow, very deep. It was pretty deep, I liked it. But poor Ralph has all that pain...

Blunt but brilliant. even better that the stories being told to the character. really well written nice one

Oh my god! Oh my god... I wish I had something to say... It's macabre! Well done though.:)

Oh, man, that was good. I finished reading it and was like "...wow." The part where Jack attacks Ralph and drags him into the water and all that was very realistic. Ah. Wonderful.

That was so hot. TT_TT