can't wait to read more. i hope you update soon.

update soon please i like this story.

good start i like it.

its kl but the chapters are all so small! :)

please update

i like your story and i hope you update soon.

foxg2rl7

It's a great story line, and I think that you have great potential as a writer. But coming from a writer and a readers point of view, It's very hard to understand your story. In the begginning it's very exciting and action filled. What I have trouble understanding is: Why is she so mad at Anakin and Obi Wan?I went back and read the first chapter to see if I had missed it, but I didn't find it. If possible, in future chapters make a specific reference to why she is so angry with them. I mean I can kind of guess it had to do with the fact that she was chased and tackled by them. But it doesn't feel like the exact cause.

Also when you write sentences like this:

“Trinity, Wheels needs me to go pick up some kid, so he offered to train with you.” “Have I mentioned lately that I hate you?” Logan grinned, “No, not recently, bye kid.”

It's very hard to tell who is speaking at the moment and who is you want to keep that same style, you could try writing it like this:

“Trinity, Wheels needs me to go pick up some kid, so he offered to train with you.”

“Have I mentioned lately that I hate you?”

Logan grinned, “No, not recently, bye kid.”

Please take this critism as constructively as possible. Because everyone needs a critism to become a great writer. Take it from someone who is writting their own book. You have to cover all your bases to have even flowing story, and to give the reader backround info follow along with.

Keep writing! (Mind my spelling errors)

-Rachel

I checkout the site and couldn't find it.

Nope. It says that it doesn't have a file by that name.

Could u email it 2 me?

My address is:

I'd really appriate it.

Update!

Great story.

Please update soon!

I really like your writing style, and I definitely think this could be an awesome story. I DO think that you need to enlist the help of a beta reader, though.

good very good.

you need to write longer chapters and you wrote an eviel cliffie what happens next i must now

This story is very good. Don't quit okay.

OKAY THAT WAS AN AWESOME CHAPTER YOU KICK ASS UPDATE SOON I LOVE IT

THANKS

ok...

other than being a little morbid (ripping eachother to pieces? Literally?) I like this story. keep it up!