I didn't realize I ever read this. How could I miss it? I don't know a lot about Buffy as I only watched the show a couple times, but I do know a little about Willow and Xander, so I really liked that you focused on them. I really like how you focused on Willow's sadness and pain at losing Xander, so I can only imagine her joy when she saw him alive.

I've got a soft spot for vampires...I should mention proper vampires, not vegetarian sparkling vampires. ;) I like the ones that tend to follow the traditional vampire rules, so I really love that Xander's a vampire. I've no idea if that's canon, but I'm assuming so. Therefore, I really love when she finds out, she finds it hard to believe.

I'm also glad Xander kept his love for Willow after transforming and promised he wouldn't hurt her. And then when Willow makes the decision to be one herself, that was really beautiful...especially when Xander seemed to be so gentle about it. The end line was absolutely perfect. I really enjoyed this. Well done. :)

I loved how this one was so potent and fantastic right off the bat, with the imagery and the pace. Willow's character works really well all the way through the story. The ending was absolutely haunting and strangely engaging, is that makes sense. I love the way that we get to see this bond between the two of them, and how they have to be able to work together in such a time as this. Such a gorgeous tone throughout this, and it definitely carried me all the way through. Gorgeous!

Cheers, dearie!

I've heard about this fandom but never seen any of it - Buffy, Willow and Giles are all just names to me and Xander not even that - but I gather this is quite AU anyway, so that probably doesn't matter too much...

I actually guessed the 'twist' in this story well before the reveal, at the point where Willow wakes up to find that Xander's fingers are cold and he is still stuck outside the threshold of her room, not having received permission to enter: not sure if this is a good or a bad thing! In fact, given the subject matter, as a story this is remarkably non-horrific: the vampirism is presented almost as a happy-forever-after mechanism, and in a way it's actually a very gentle love story.

There's quite a lot of foreshadowing evident, some of which is presumably conscious on the part of the characters (neck-stroking, and "Talking, moving Xander here", when the more usual formula might have been expected as "not dead talking, breathing", which he presumably isn't!) and some of which presumably isn't ("I would die for you"). I wasn't clear about the significance of the black leather jacket as a vampire indicator - this may be something that has more meaning if you've actually seen the episode.

I don't know Willow's character, but she is established here very clearly as a quiet, dutiful and studious girl. The line I particularly liked from that point of view was "and fed her fish": however depressed she is, she still feels responsible for her pets!

A couple of strange word usages in the text: "the vampires were ever becoming more numerous" is not technically wrong, but it's very Biblical and antique in style, and I would assume that you meant to write "were becoming ever more numerous" - in itself a formal and old-fashioned expression enough. And "[she] was but a shadow of who she had been" ought, technically speaking, to be "of whom she had been", if you mean to use that very formal register: otherwise I'd maybe write "was only a shadow of the girl she'd been" or something along those lines, to avoid the need for the oblique case.

"Outside of her nightmares" is a grammatical error to my ear, but American usage seems to have adopted the extra 'of'. "It felt like she was being pulled away", on the other hand, definitely ought to be "It felt as if" in this context: "it felt like an orange" versus "it felt as if they were alone". And "grinning" to me needs an adverb not an adjective: "grinning more broadly" not "grinning broader".

I think the phrase that resonated with me the most, for some reason, was "but his face was his own, so she wasn't afraid": it's a reference in a way back to the "horrific faces" of the vampires at the start of the story, but it says so much about the relationship as shown here. He is Xander, and while that essential truth remains so, all else can be taken on trust.

And it's beautifully and very simply put.

You have a lot of filler words in this, which paces the fic quite nicely. I wonder if that first "could" is necessary in that first sentence, but after that it creates a sort of dreamesque and defeatist quality. An interesting choice of narrative voice, but it works very well in this context.

[but the pale red-haired figure who wandered those hallways was but a shadow of who she had been] - a gorgeous line.

[Sleep held no solace, though it was late] - I accidentally read that "as though it was too late". :D Though that didn't sound quite right.

[She opened the door and looked up into a face she had lost all hope of seeing outside of her nightmare] - interestingly, this sentence still holds that defeatist quality in it.

[But got easier] - it comes out a little forceful, being in a paragraph of its own, but other than that it was a nice ending: the sort that gives closer to the fic, the characters and even the title.

Never did get around to watching Buffy, but this was a really neat fic, Rosa.

Disclaimer: it's been many years since I watched Buffy and I don't remember much about it, sorry!

I do, however, appreciate Giles being a badass. A badass wearing glasses :p It's a very succinct first paragraph you use, very light on detail, but that may well be a result of Willow's trauma. I would have preferred to know more of what Willow felt, smelled, touched, etc - but I also imagine that's canon and just me :p

The revelation of Xander's vampirism was a shock, as you no doubt meant it to be. Again and probably because of my canon-fail, it felt very abrupt to me, with almost no set-up of either character, of why Xander's a vampire, and of how Willow really feels about it.

The obvious connection between vampire drinking and sex is really nicely portrayed here, and the dialogue clever; I really liked the last line.

Warning: I've seen only the first episode of Buffy, so I'm rather fandom-blind :P

I really love the way you began this. Your first sentence is short and to the point, but it does it's job - it's enough to intrigue a reader and pull them into the story, to make them want to know more.

I also really liked the way you gave us an insight into her school life, and the way that she was seen by everyone else through her mourning period. Your reference to life going on without her was lovely, because it helped to build her loneliness - she has no one but Xander, and even he was taken away from her.
(Though I have to wonder where Buffy was. I thought they were best friends? And Mr. Giles too...Or am I just showing my canon-ignorance?)

I did find the dialogue a bit stilted though - Willow doesn't come off as shocked enough to find that someone she was sure was dead isn't exactly gone. Even for someone used to vampires, I imagine that would have been a huge surprise. The same thing goes for Xander being a vampire, and agreeing to become one herself - it would have been nice to see her debate with herself over the issue, because she has associated vampires in general with evil.

I also found the ending a bit abrupt. I think you could have continued this a bit more to give it more complete ending than this...maybe something about her first feeding from another person or something...

Regardless, this was overall a lovely piece, so well done! :)

The short sentences and disconnected feel they gave were kind of incongruous in the beginning. It felt as though you were just recapping canon. The fifth paragraph used those sentences much better, though, showing how her peers viewed her, as if through glass. The ending was a little abrupt, but the way it dropped off was interesting and gave a feeling of being open to interpretation.

I really like your opening paragraph. It’s unique, since it slowly lets the reader into the story in layers. It really stuck out to me as skilled writing since I felt like I was drawn from hearing about a past event right into the middle of the action. First, there’s the opening sentence: /Willow could never forget the night the vampires took Xander away from her./ which is really good as an opening since in just a few words, the reader knows what happened to Xander, and it is implied that it was a very traumatic experience for Willow. After that information, you move nicely into action, to make the past event start to come alive: /He'd told her to run as they dragged him away, but she couldn't—couldn't even move./ There’s a lot unsaid here about the closeness of Xander and Willow’s relationship. Then, with the last sentence, the scene comes even more alive:
/Two more vampires appeared out of the darkness and came towards her, laughing and growling, their horrific faces lit with the lust for her blood./ That’s a powerful line, and especially with the part of the story that implies that Willow has nightmares, I imagine most of them would be something like your opening paragraph.

You do a good job of showing how isolated Willow feels after the even with lines like: /She could be seen, by those who would take notice, sitting alone every lunch hour, picking at her food with no appetite./ She feels isolated since Xander has been taken away from her, and there doesn’t seem to be anyone around who can understand.

I liked the dialogue between them too. The only thing I thought felt a little rushed was how quickly Willow agreed to become a vampire. Even though you showed well how Xander meant everything to her, the vampires were the ones who took him away in the first place, and I think maybe she would have hesitated a little bit more. But, that’s just my opinion.

I also liked the tone of this piece. It feels kind of subdued and flows well, which I think fits the character and her emotions well. It’s succinct, and you say a lot with very few words.

Over-all, I thought this was a well-written powerful piece that nicely portrayed the close relationship between the two characters. Well done!

Due to fandom-blindness, I am unable to comment about characterization but I can talk about your writing.

It is a fine read with so much information in so few words and I like how I am able to relate with the main character. The transition from sad opening to a 'happy' ending was very smooth and barely stood out. It seemed ... natural. /Or canonical?

I don't know but the style of writing appeared experimental to me. That doesn't take anything away from the story though.

Great piece here.

. For the Story Of The Week Thread- Congrats on getting picked! . . Fandom-blind! .

Already we get an important insight into Willow- that she is still plagued by the day Xander was taken from her. The early character description here is great, and you don't go into more detail than you need to. Already, we can tell that she is sad and longing, and it hits you straight away and makes you feel sympathy for her. We can tell that Xander cares for her too since he tells her to run- and it's frightening how she doesn't even move, fixed in her fear. I think you really play on this fear by describing the vampires' faces as 'lit' with the 'lust' for blood. 'Lust', is like an uncontrollable desire, and I think this is what makes them so inescapable to the reader. We can almost feel Willow's fear. It was interesting how it wasn't Willow's capture that seemed to frighten her the most- more that she was more upset about being pulled further and further from Xander. The sudden realisation in the story that it was actually a dream reflects her feelings cleverly- she too seems like she's only just realised it was a dream as well, and her reaction is heartbreaking. I like how well you describe how traumatising the situation was for her, the way his face seems to be frozen in that same position for her. I think the 'shadow of who she had been' is great- traumatic experiences, as I've seen, really change someone, and sometimes makes them feel empty. The robotic-ness of her school routine gives the impression that, without Xander around, she doesn't even feel human. It's realistic that you describe everyone else's reaction- there's no doubt others would notice. I like that you've given a balance- that some did care, because there's always that few that will- but most didn't. I like the mundane nature of 'She had done her homework and fed her fish.' You didn't need to use hefty description here in my opinion because it perfectly shows the mundane nature of her life, how she feels emotionless and how nothing in life appears to bring her joy anymore. It seems like she's just become bored of everything, almost nihilistic.

It's effective that Willow seems cautious in her slow steps to see who could be knocking on the door so late into the night, since I can imagine she's probably cautious with the number of vampires growing. It was a surprise to see that it was Xander coming back for her! :D I like how he seems to hold her in a rather romantic position whilst she's coming around as well, since it gives a great sense of comfort for her. The way he wipes the tears from her face seems to show this too, and it's actually a very heartwarming turn in the story that I think works nicely. He seems to show that he cares by the way he straight away realises that maybe now isn't the best time for humour. I like that the description appears to get more vivid about Willow, like the 'flash of defiance', as it's like after seeing Xander, the life is coming back to her. The way he looks into her eyes really gives that element of truth when he says he wants to stay with her as well, I think. I like the transition in tears- they used to be of sadness, and now they're of joy. Her reaction is interesting; I like that she isn't all over him after he says that he's a vampire, she's also quite wary of him due to the vampires taking her away. It's nice how he tries to reassure her, and I like the character development hints that maybe he'll make her feel less afraid of vampires now, but I suppose the memory will always be there in the back of her mind, sadly. :( Despite her feelings of weakness, just Xander's presence seems to be giving her the strength to do so much- even put up with something so painful. The ending is great, I think - 'it' doesn't seem to just refer to blood-drinking, but also to life in general. With Xander, it seems to be easier for her.

I have no concrit for this; I think it's very sweet and it really makes you feel sorry for Willow in the beginning, and happy that Xander managed to be able to stay with her in the end. Keep up the good work- definitely worth being a Story of the Week. :)

I'm not fandom-savvy, but the first line sucked me in completely and I had to read on!

This is such a hopelessly romantic story, and I love it :), not so much for the plot itself, but for how you strung your words so beautifully together to convey the emotions of the protagonists, particularly Willow. I think I've said before in your other stories that you have this sort of... detached tone that doesn't work at all against your narrative, having a sort of blunt melancholy in it and beautiful in its simplicity. And that's personally my favourite tone to read. You used it expertly here. My heart was particularly heavy when I got to this paragraph: "Some said she needed time. Some worried she might never move on." The perfect example of objectivity conveying emotion.

Ah, yes, the transformation at the end. I've always thought such transformations have a grim feeling to it, but you managed to take it and transform it into something warmer. Her resolve to follow him until the end of time is very moving.

I did, however, find the last line just a teeny tad too abrupt, but that's just my personal opinion. Plus, it was a great way to acknowledge your title :).

Great work, and definitely very worthy material for SOTW!

All the best,
WV

Warning: Fandom Blind

So...I'm not really sure what to think about this one. It seems that Willow, for the most part, is pretty desperate. I like how you portray this, but it seems a little distant to me, like I'm not really feeling the emotion, but it's certainly there. It was like I was watching her through a tunnel or a tv show, so I couldn't really truly sympathize with her.

Xander seemed almost without personality, granted he wasn't in the piece too much, I didn't really get any traits from him other then that he loves Willow, which he voiced aloud.

I'm not sure about vampire lore in this fandom, so I'm just going to go with that you become one if you're bitten. I'm a little weirded out that Willow would so willingly become a vampire for Xander, but then again I don't know their past and whatnot, so I can't really talk.

For your writing itself, it seemed a little bit choppy, but overall, it got the message across well, which is what I think matters. For a short piece, it had a good balance of description and actions and dialogue, but the middle seemed to go a little quickly for my tastes. Maybe delve into Willow's mind more?

Overall, it was pretty good, seeing as I'm fandom blind. :) Great job!

It's been a million and a half years since I've seen Buffy, but I think I vaguely remember this episode. Wasn't it something to do if Buffy had never become a slayer?

I was have admit I was a little thrown by the WillowxXander thing, because I only remember Willow being with Tara, but I think her and Xander were a thing once? And wasn't she also with Oz? I really have to rewatch the show, haha.

I feel like you really captured the grief that Willow was feeling. When you lose someone precious to you like that life goes on, but sometimes you don't. Willow seems like someone who is surviving rather than living, everything is mechanical and there's no joy there anymore. I also liked the scene when Xander shows up at her window and they both share a tender moment, before Xander asks her if she'd do anything to join him. It says a lot about their love that she agrees without much fear on her part.

I bit of criticism I have is that I actually would have liked to see more hesitation from Willow. She agrees too fast, and she tells him she's scared, but the narrative doesn't really tell me she's scared.

Oh wow, it has been years since I watched Buffy but I vaguely recall some sequence like this and how heartbreaking it was for Willow to think she'd lost her best friend (I always loved their friendship, thought they were almost like siblings really in how they would squabble and tease and help each other). I really enjoyed this story and thought it captured both characters perfectly (Willow grieving and Xander heroic in telling her to run and then returning for her). Some lines I especially liked were:

((School continued and Willow came, but the pale red-haired figure who wandered those hallways was but a shadow of who she had been. She listened in class, mechanically taking notes but finding none of her earlier joy in completed assignments or shining test scores. She could be seen, by those who would take notice, sitting alone every lunch hour, picking at her food with no appetite.))-Perfect representation of one going through the motions while grieving for a loved one. It's all a top-down process at this moment, so intrinsic in nature we are only marginally aware of what we are doing. This is also excellent character development because it shows that a light has gone out inside Willow and that she is vulnerable at this time, and all the more human because of it.

((Some said she needed time. Some worried she might never move on. Some told her it would get easier. Most forgot, ignored, failed to notice—she was, after all, just another student, and she had always been a quiet one. People had their own problems, and the vampires were ever becoming more numerous.))-I like this as a subtle critique upon society and how they either try to fit someone's pain into something orderly, tidy, and when that doesn't work, just completely writes that individual off. I mighta liked to see some other character interactions here to really flesh out the situation and Willow a little more (her going postal on a few prep girls woulda been hilarious) but that is a personal opinion and no way a critique whatsoever.

((Taking his offered hand in hers and stroking it gently, she put her mouth over the open wound. His blood was salty and slightly metallic on her tongue. At first she almost gagged.

But it got easier.))-I think this line reveals the duality that exists within us- the human side that gets corrupted or influenced by love. A part of her wants to reject what is abnormal (the gagging reflex), but the heart embraces it (making it easier to accept and do)) wholly and willfully.

In sum, I loved this story. You told it beautifully and there is nothing I would change whatsoever. Awesome job on an awesome story!

Tiki Challenge Reward: Review 1/13

Plot:
- I like the structure. You begin with them being torn apart and circle back to them being together.
- The pacing is good. I'm glad that you kept the description of her decline to a couple of paragraphs. I might even argue that it could be tighter. With a short piece like this, it's important to really focus on a moment and to get to that moment as quickly as possible.

Characterization:
- You did a great job establishing just how much Xander meant to her with the sleep/nightmare description. This plays in later with her reaction to his revelation, her willingness to go along with it.
- The black leather jacket is supposed to mark Xander's change, but there's nothing to compare it to how he was before. If it's meant to seem uncharacteristic of him, it's not coming across that way. (I know that it's uncharacteristic in the show, but within this fic, it's not clear.)

Dialogue:
- "Talking, moving Xander here." A very Xander comment. :)
- Willow sounds a little formal when she invites him in.
- Some of it seems overly dramatic. And then I remember that they're supposed to be in high school, and love, in high school, is sometimes overly dramatic. Her world ends and begins with him.

Description:
- There wasn't much description, which actually works well in short story form. It stands out more when you do, like with the paleness of his skin, the coldness of his touch, and the taste of his blood.
- Great job describing her reaction to his blood. It was a short sentence, but extremely telling of her character and the impact of her choice.
- "Willow hugged herself because of the cold; she was wearing only her nightshirt, and it was chilly." It's a bit redundant having chilly and cold in the same sentence.

Style:
- Some of the phrasing is a little clunky. For example, "Also standing, Xander grinned." Maybe it's because the verbs aren't parallel, but this just seems awkward to me.
- I think my largest issue with this story is that the POV shifts between 3rd person from Willow's perspective and a distant 3rd person who is observing Willow.

Here's what I mean:
# Willow felt herself being taken by the arms and led away
# She could be seen, by those who would take notice, sitting alone every lunch hour, picking at her food with no appetite
# She felt the world spinning for a second, then all went dark

It's not exactly the same as head-hopping into another character, but it has a similar effect. I'm distanced from the character at some point, and it's disconcerting to jump back into her.
- When I AM reading from Willow's POV, it's done well. It never jumps to Xander, and I have a good sense of what she is experiencing.

Overall:
It's an interesting take on how Wishverse!Xander and Willow come to be. Knowing that Willow had a crush on him for years, it's not hard to see how she would give into him so easily. Cleaning up the POV issue would make it easier for me to connect to Willow and have more invested in her decision.