There's a lot of misspelling in this chapter, all through out it.

I know many people have said this but... please get yourself Microsoft Office Word...or something that can do a spell check for you OR a beta! The story is amazing but there are some parts I do not understand whats happening because of the writing. I really want to know more about this story and where does it takes a romantic turn.

I WANNA SEQUEL!

give me sequel or i die...

Very interesting topic. I like the overall plot of a human being cleaned of their blood and heritage. A few spelling errors, but we all make them. Keep up the good work :3

This story is rather old but… criticism builds character as far as I am concerned. And this story is certainly lacking in the “character” category.

Usually I am not one for giving negative reviews but I must say that I was utterly unimpressed with this story. I read as much as I could tolerate to be fair (I also skimmed your later chapters), and while I would ask you not to take this personally, it would be a waste of time. This review is completely justifiable and I’m sure there are others who will agree. I am doing this not only for their sake, but for yours as a writer as well.

If you cannot write on a computer that corrects your poor spelling, do not write on one at all. Write by pen and paper and wait until you can professionally type it up. The spelling mistakes made it very difficult to take your story seriously and there is no excuse for it. If your computer can not operate a spell check… your own brain should with the help of a dictionary. Perhaps readers of a younger age are fine with the errors due to ignorance, but if you ever wish to make an impact on adults you need to tidy up your writing.

Most importantly, I would not even classify this as Halo fan fiction. You have merely borrowed names. I can see there is some effort at keeping everyone in character though it is poorly executed. You boast about reading all of the books yet your characters are so unbelievable it would be an insult for you to even reference Nylund’s and Bungie’s character buildings to the ones in this fan fiction.

I will assume you are younger which would explain the immaturity permeating this story as well as the poor spelling. However, I do believe you had an interesting story idea; I wouldn’t have clicked and read as much as I did had I not been intrigued. I had my share of “constructive criticism” when I started to write when I was 15 and I am glad it came my way. It may be a hard pill to swallow now, but receiving reviews that are anything but praise are good for you.

I have not written in quite a few years, but I still like to lurk here and have a good read… I am just reasonably disappointed when a story fails to deliver.

I digress.

The best of luck to you in your future writing endeavors. Please work on your spelling.

LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! Write More,PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE?

Bye,Half-Jaw32Overlord

Ps,I'm writing my own story too,First fic

This is in response to the guy below. Just to let you know, this is your story, so if Gin-Ryu wants to have a twelve year old girl be as strong as an Elite then she could. Did you ever think that maybe the Elite's shield system was deactivating and he was having Kakiia (me in the sequel) fix it so it was currently down. If you would have read more of the story you would have liked it because nobodies first chapters to their stories are good, not even yours o king! It's ok to give little things that might make it better but that's it, not saying like what you've said. Just relax and read the rest of her story. If you don't like it no big deal, just say you thought it was ok and move on.

Oh my God. Utterly ridiculous. You seem to have forgotten that Sangheili not only have shields but are also one hundred times stronger than a twelve year old child. Even if she did shoot him with the plasma rifle (which in itself would not happen!), his shields would protect him for long enough for him to melee her face right off her stinking human body.

I'm not even going to bother with the rest, creative liberties have given way to wishful thinking.

on the whole pretty good.

however, 9103 falling star isnt a very likely name for a monitor. not the actual name, the number. al the monitord (that we know of) in the halo universe have as their number a power of 7. such as- 343 is 73 (7 to the 3rd) 2401 is 74, and so on (supposedly). since your monitor is monitor of installation 00, as said in your story, his name, mathemaically speaking would be 0 falling star. just thought yu might enjoy that little bit of bungie 7 obsession.

Just finished the story and you better write a sequel Megan or I'll kill you! (Not really but). Awesome story though! Three thumbs up (if I had an extra thumb that is)

Gin-Ryu this is awesome, I really liked it a lot.

what happened to her ending up with the cheif

if she stays with the covenanant, i am all up for a sequel!

Definetly write a sequal! I want to read what happens.

Still great!