Nice

Great story dissapointed about how it ended so fast i would have had rei help asuka out of her depeession and have them become close friends then mayby more

Nicely done. I always thought there was more to Rei than most folks figured.

This is a little sad, but beautiful story. Respect to the author.

This made me cry. It's painful. Everything's very understated - no cries of anguish or grief, no huge drama, hardly any words at all in fact - but it's extremely real & believable, & I empathised with all of them so perfectly. The writing style is as effective as a hammer, but so much more subtle. It goes straight to your heart & aches.

Formatting Asuka's POV in italics was brilliant, it gives it an almost dream-like unreality that suits how overwhelmed she is & how she feels cut off from everything except her own psychic pain. Putting it all in 3rd person & past tense helped express that, the little bit of distance just made it more immediate & confronting. I really liked the similie 'like a ghost in the rain', I thought it was very accurate & effective. For all Asuka cares, she is dead.

You linked thoughts & perceptions really well to the narrative, it all went together seamlessly. Normally this many shifts in POV this quickly would have been awkward, but you manage it well by packing heaps of emotion into every passage so it's impossible to skin through.

There was one bit I thought was a bit off, where Asuka wants to scream. I just couldn't really believe that with how lethargic she is at this point she could feel something that strong. It seems a bit too active. But that's only how I read it.

I empathised with Hikari completely. That sort of helplessness, when she wants to much to make it all better, to reach her somehow, & knowing that there's nothing she can do ... You conveyed it really well. The point that she knew *something* awful had happened, but not what, rang true & helped express her feeling of being completely ineffectual.

The bit where Asuka can't understand what Rei's saying, because she's speaking in Japanese, was a gem of a moment. It forced a bit of distance from her, just a tiny bit of objectivity - enough to understand exactly how broken Asuka is, in a new way. & focusing on the word 'lost' a bit later on, the way it comes out is so hopeless & young-sounding, reminds you that she's still just a child really.

Yes, Rei is something of a saint in this, but it's not embellished or excessive. The fact that she never speaks, & is never actually affectionate or notably gentle, keeps it within the realm of believability. Her confusion is understandable, but the way she just continues with what she feels she ought to do anyway is very Rei-like without making her seem like a robot. Realising that her main justification is flimsy like paper, & the very powerful "Not while Rei had any human decency in her", give her a humanity that isn't too much of a stretch. Also, the fact that her narrative is all in statements with no questions, & never entirely train-of-thought or immersed in Rei's thoughts, helps keep what feels like the right tone to her character.

[Um, I don't suppose that doujin you mentioned, Angelic Impact, would be available on the web? Or just this story, anyway? If it is, would you mind posting the link to it somewhere? Maybe on your webpage?]

Tiny problem of phrasing: 'There was no way she could know that this image was anywhere even close to the truth'. I think in this context, "that" & "anywhere" suggest opposite degrees of certainty. Either "There was no way she could know that this image *wasn't* anywhere even close to the truth" or "There was no way she could know *whether* this image was anywhere even close to the truth" would have been better in my opinion. Again, that's just how I read it.

Overall, the emotional impact of this bit of writing is very effective, even though it's short. It really got to me & I love it. Sorry for blabbing on so much.

Man... nice. You are an excellent eva writer!

very nice

Got the idea from a hentai doujin-shi you say? Heh, heh, touche perverted one. Great job, this is sure to create a mass fan-boy riot!

J/K. It was somewhate orgininal (as are ALL of your stories). You cover a whole lot of ground, thus I think you should be nominated for the "most diverse author in the history of mankind."

Great stuff as usual, wonderfully sad and potent a great short read

which volume of Angelic Impact?

pretty cool... m... soapy Rei and Asuka... nice image

Not bad this one was kinda nice to read.

hey random wassup dawg this is pretty kickin

Pretty sad story indeed, nonetheless it is a very interesting concept that you borrowed here and, in my opinion, you developed it quite well.

For what I know the shower in Rei's room only has cold water...

Anyway, this was sort of nice, but it wasn't sad though.

Not too sad, at least.

I liked it.

HellbirdIV; Fallen Arch Angel 2nd Class

You know, the funny thing is that good stuff comes from you so often it's almost expected now. Which means that the instant after seeing 'by Random1337'I'm already convinced that the following story will be good. It's almost getting monotonous.

Write something bad for a change.