i love

brownies! okay okay okay... lemme think... HIEI! yes, no? i really do love her personality, its nice but tough loving, thats so cute! please continue! thank you for ... reveiwing my reveiw? well thanks!

~sausuge!~

personally i like the A/N 's. the make me laugh! i think its a great story! (i like her personallity!)

great story

(this is not a flame...just some helpful tips)

Three words: DON'T USE A/N'S.

I'm serious.

Don't use them in random places. Believe it or not, it does annoy people. IF a reader is coming up tp the most dramatical point in the story, and is really hooked into the plot, it ruins the effect to an A/N in a place that completely interruots the action.

Believe it or not once again, nobody really cares what you think, and the excuses you make. I'm very sorry if I'm sounding harsh, and I hope you don't get mad at me for it, but I'm being honest here. It you have to make some pointers aboutt he story, do it before or at the end of the chapter.

As for the excuses, it's all part of writing to not be satisfied with what oyu have written, and unsure if you are "doing it correctly". No need for the superficial excuses.

Other than that...okay start. I noticed you did imporve your writing as you continued to update. BUt, you do need to spell-check, and perhaps have someone else proofread your work. You'll find that there are a lot things that you could work on, most of which is sentence structure.

Example:

Yusuke was running. Quickly. He was shouting to Kurama, trying to tell him to become Yoko to create the plant with wings, but Kurama was running too quickly to maintain the focus needed for the transformation, and no one was going to carry him. Suddenly, he felt his captive push off from his shoulder and launch herself in front of him, still facing the wrong way to run away. His sight was filled with the sight of glittering, moth like wings, and braced himself for the crash. When it came, he found himself wrapped in a tight embrace, than lifted up into air. He struggled and broke free, landing on the snow again to roll to his feet and leap further. Looking up, he saw that Skava had some how managed to grow wings, and was now shouting at him."

Trust me, there are too mnay commas. With shorter sentences, you can make this paragraph flow better, and also a better choice of wrods, to avoid repetition. I haven't watched Yu yu hakusho for a while, so I'm not sure what the "plant with wings" is... ;;

"Yusuke was running. Quickly. He was shouting to Kurama, trying to tell him to become the Youko(youko is not spelled yoko) to create the plant with wings, but Kurama was running too quickly to maintain the focus needed for the transformation. No one was going to carry him. Suddenly, he felt his captive push off from his shoulder and launch herself in front of him, still facing in the wrong direction to run away. His sight was filled with the glittering of the moth-like wings. He braced himself for the crash; when it came, he found himself wrapped in a tight embrace, than lifted up into air. He struggled and broke free, landing on the snow again to roll to his feet and leap further. Looking up, he saw that Skava had some how managed to grow wings. She was now shouting at him in a furious barrage of angry words."

It can still be improved, but it is much better then before. If you cvhange the rest of the paragraphs, who are ridden with too mnay commas, I'm sure most of thr story will flow better. Also, don't go overboard with the description when describing some kind of action or battle.

That'...it, I yeah...since you said oyurself that oyu have trouble visualizing scenes in your head, you should probably make a list of the things that you are trying to convey. That might help.

TTFN. (ta ta for now...just in case...lol)

Hey, I like the story! And nothing wrong with a girl being strong and smart at the same time! Do go on. You write great.

I thought the combat scene was fine. I could really see what was going on.

Of course, I personally probably couldn't write a decent combat scene to save my life, so coming from me, that's not much of a compliment... but better than nothing, ne?

General Mary Sue test. help find ways to help Skava not be one.

I believe my favorite parts are when Hiei threatens Yuusuke. It's quite amusing. I'm not noticing any spelling mistakes, I don't think, and the format and the like is fine. I'll be waiting for the next chapter.

-Queen of Roses

P.S. - See you on Thursday!

Your description of a moth/fire demon is kind of unreasonable. I mean just think about it. It couldn't happen. You could describe the boy's clothes more, but they probably are all wearing t-shirts. Congratulations on having little to none spelling or grammatical errors. And the humor in your replies and little ramblings actually make sense. We could all probably criticize more if we read this more than once, but I'm just not going to waste my time doing that. I usually just get an impression stong enough to rate when I first read, and your story is rated v. good at the moment. Worth reading. What is a Mary-Sue again. It's been around so long that I've forgotten. Oh, and Hiei has been talking way more than usual in this fic. You should fix that, or add H:- before each dialogue. Otherwise you could mix him up w/Kurama. Sry this review is so long. *Shrug* I'm also known and much hated for that.

cool! i say his hair's held up by wood glue

If you're mad at me for putting you on my Authors alert list, i didn't mean too i'm really sorry please fogive me! update soon! and will you read my story Anime Network Please! .

You're welcome! and I can't wait for the next chapter! Will there be any romance between Hiei and Skava in later chapters? Please tell me! Update soon!. O and please read my story called Anime Network! PLease read it and review! Thankx!

~Naoko Asakura 009~

The first step to avoiding a Mary-Sue is to acknowlage the fact that she's probably going to be a Mary-Sue anyway. If it says in the summary that it is/might be a Mary-Sue, I'm generally willing to at least try it on for size, to coin a phrase. It's the people that write Mary-Sues but have the gall to say in the summary something along the lines of, "not a mary-sue i promise plz r&r" that bug me.

As for the writing style, I like it, and I have found very few gramatical errors. Like, three, at the most. Congradulations! Bear in mind that this is coming from someone pickier than any of her English teachers.

Woo, I sound so serious... um... OOGA BOOGA BOOGA! There, that's better.

The thing about being a member for over three years is, in your reviews, you start sounding all... professional, or something.

...

writing is okay

storyline sucks

WOW! COOL! please update soon! .