going through this again in one place you say its worth 2 and then right down it says worth 3 (Ps this is for chapter before. I just cannnot post twice for one chapter

You should rephrase the sentine “since they couldn’t leave behind zeasauas hence the Delacoyrs couldn’t portkey away” too the Delacours couldn’t porkey away since they couldn’t leave behind Zeasauas. The phrasing you have now doesn’t make sense and it’s a run-on.

The math is off. It’s 13. 3331111 13

I will finish this story but honestly its jumped off a cliff for me. So many things are wrong how harry is a badass one moment and then he is utter shit and cries for everything. And last tonks dies. bS.

A small critique if you please for an otherwise fun story. What I am going to presume is a nine millimetre pistol will, if even a standard full metal jacket hits the shoulder, cause the one struck immense pain and will likely shatter the bones putting the wounded person often into shock. If the bullet was a hollow-point, Bellatrix's shoulder would have been shattered almost beyond repair. Check out YouTube for some visuals of what the FMJ and hollow-point will do. Part of the reason that international armed police do use the nine-mill hollow-point is because it puts a perp down and keeps them down. Otherwise a fun little tale.

So just got done with chapter 11...was gonna review and point out some pros and cons and then saw in the reviews of others that you killed off tonks...yet call it a tonks and Harry fic...so yeah...just don't write anymore if you don't know what you are doing please. I mean seriously you had it all...great plot, great story, great characters, you had the ball rolling son...then hey those characters that were gonna get together (Harry and Tonks) after Harry pissed away his friends like Edward did to Bella (and we all know how that worked out) well guess what one is dead...so yeah if you're gonna be stupid keep it to yourself please. Like seriously not trying to be rude but I love reading. I have been through at least 1000 books and 1000 fanfictions and I know you put a lot of effort into writing a book or fanfiction and I appreciate that I really do. But I put all of effort into main the time to read them...so do all the fans...so if you are gonna lie about a character pairing then just stop...this was time wasted toward an unhappy ending smh

Little note, if you haven't actually changed anything about Harry's first five years, then the summary is both unnecessary and off-putting. It's a HP fanfic, anybody reading will know the story up to this point.
Start your story where the story starts, don't fill us in on details we already know.
Then when we got to the actual content... well, Harry's thoughts seem irritatingly angsty. I'm not saying a teenager who's recently witnessed their father-figure's death doesn't deserve to be mopey, but the "Oh woe is me" hyperbole and ALL CAPS ANGST SCREAMING doesn't so much convey Harry's grief, as it does piss off the reader.
Still, there are so few Tonks fics...

Hi,

I kept waiting for it to come up in your very fine story but as of the Hogwarts weekend it hasn't. In the Azkaban breakout scene your Harry shot Bellatrix three or four times. In spite of your Harry (apparently) pulling a Roy Rogers and winging her each time, she still manages to best him or at least be his equal and get everyone (who Harry hadn't already portkeyed away) to escape.

You chose not to show us the aftermath from Riddle's PoV.

My question is, why?

Further, if your Harry had the skill to make portkey ammo, why didn't he blast everyone and send them into the English Channel?

It feels like you had him invent an absolutely fantastic gadget and he barely used it.

Again, why?

Old-Crow

Hi,

Outstanding chapter. Your Azkaban scene was first rate.

Old-Crow

I had a hard time with the formatting; dialogue should be in separate paragraphs. I know I sound like a third grade English teacher, but this story doesn’t flow well. I like the plot, but the story could use a revision.

Good story. Some things I don’t like in the last chapters but overall really good.

Aawwwww

Damn...
You are cold hearted. Does Harry really have to lose everything...? Hell, he won't even be able to get laid at this point...

The first chapter annoyed me to read and I almost stopped just because of it. Whenever you write, dont, under ANY circumstances, just make huge paragraphs about shit the audience already knows, its an turnoff

I think you have done a wonderful job with this story. Anyone who is disappointed or who doesn't enjoy reading it should go read a other story. You're a great writer! Stop putting yourself down, please.