In the beginning story was very good, amasing. But afterwards it loses it qualititet. Some things are happaning too fast, other doesn't make so much sense.

Now you shall die a slow and painful death

Misty "Awesome first chapter! How can I give someone criticism if they did an awesome job? Oh Rain since your the queen of negativity do some criticism."
Rain "Should have had more dialogue should have had a longer chapter, less detail because it was just loaded, however be glad it wasn't to loaded."
Misty "God that's just negative... Next time you give criticism do it nicely."
Rain "Since you my Hikari is so nice do it yourself."
Misty "Alright than! You writer did an awesome job, I liked the fact that Yami literally whined for Yugi! Was it mean for me to laugh because it just sounded way to cute? The details were perfect, however a little to detailed, I actually think it could have used more confronting with the characters, but we have that later on, and we also have Yugi coming in sometime soon so that should give a little more dialogue maybe! Okay bye bye!"

...my mum always said people who have kids with family members have really stupid kids. I dont have anything against it either, though. not that I would like, think of my brother in that way.

...that WOULD be wrong.

please do a sequel!

i like his third talking i think its cute i used to do it so yeah let talk like a third person the evil badgers have spoken :3

What an amazing story. I absolutely love it!

*Bows down to epic story* Fantastic job! I lvoe how you add so much personality into your writing and the plot was genius.

Nice job!

kirby

Nonisel: thats the best story I ever read! and what a perfect ending!

Selinon: the like your idea though *smiles slightly*

Selinon: about time that Yami acts on his bloodlust!

Nonisel: wonder why every yami desired blood? *shrugs shoulder*

Nonisel: creepy but cool! when I read the last ending it is the same picture when Yami was five, when he first draw the picture!

Selinon: calming serenity, sweet and lovely!

Nonisel: O_0 didnt see that coming, do know the father is the brother of the mother. wow, that doesnt mean I am against of incest that is the opposite, I love incest, but I dont like SetoxMokuba either, it is just wrong you know?

Selinon: hmm... they discovered their link! and their bond has deepen then ever!

Nonisel: that is the perfect idea! when they both born together at the same time! they actually acknowledge the other prescience that is too cute

Selinon: *reads at the end* they always cry but oh well, it is sad that he keeps everything bottle up inside.

Nonisel: *gasps* what?

Selinon: what is going on *reads the story over and over again*

Nonisel: they are both dead...

Selinon: *silence*

Nonisel: thats the best reunion I ever read! oh sakura is there so is Maru-chan ehehehe, didnt see that coming that they are together. *continuously rambling about Yugi and Yami's firs day*

Selinon: *slaps his forehead* as long that they are still together...