Interesting. Good start.

Greetings.

A good story, even if it was with Raphael Sorel.

By the way, why no Ivy?

Laters.

James Hanson

I don't have time to finish reading the story so far, but I have to say that this story is impressively written. However, a few things are not so much wrong as...inappropriate.

For one, you use description is some bizarre places; for instance, your description of Nightmare, while intriguing is nonetheless rather unexpected and almost unnecessary. We know quite well what Nightmare looks like, unless you're trying to write it from Raphael's point of view as he observes the wielder of Soul Edge.

Your first four chapters could easily have been fused together to make just one, and splitting them into chapters seems to make it quite disjointed. I know the feeling, when you finish something which could be a chapter and you want to post it, but it's much easier to read if you wait until you've finished the scene; a chapter usually details a specific series of events surrounding one area; in this way, the battle between Nightmare and Raphael would be one chapter, Raphael reliving the memories on the ship as well as his conflict with Xianghua would be another and his battle with Emmanual a third. You also re-use some words and descriptions to the point where it's almost boring-the description of anger as a red tinge. Rather than describing what effect the emotions may have on the way the character views the world, you could try writing emotions introspectively, as the character tries to wrestle with the comprehension.

It should also be noted that a proper assassin would be very careful to hide the bodies so as not to be caught by someone coming home unexpectedly; assassins are quiet, not stupid or suicidal. If Emmanuel is as well-informed as he should be, in all likelyhood he would be aware of either Raphael's search or his skills. As an assassin, regardless of how good, he would be unlikely to chance being found and killed.

Finally, keep in mind that this is 1570 France. The term 'daddy' was not introduced until much later; Amy would be far more likely to call out 'papa' or the French version 'peper'. Just a heads up, since it was rather strange to suddenly see.

Other than those qualms, this is very well-written and suprisingly enjoyable. I maintain what I said-write about emotions as well as their effect upon perception and actions.

Keep on rockin'.

I cried hysterically, the whole time of reading it, after Amy's death. I'm going to explode if poor Raphael isn't reunited with his beloved foster daughter.

1 lost live to spare at least 10. I think that Raphael had nothing to loose after all.

It ended sad...but i guess it was the only way. This was a great emotional fic. I hope you write something else SC related soon. Poor Frenchy! *sobs*

Somebody help the poor man! Even if he IS insane! I don't want my favorite fencer to get exectuted! *cries very, VERY loud*

*gasps* I didn't review. I am so sorry. I love this fic you know. And the chase scene was wonderfully discribed. I am still worried for Raphael though. I hope he gets his self together soon. before the law gets a hold to him. Someone should help him. Please...

Several things: 1 - Did you know that you don't accept anonymous reviews? You probably should, you'd get more reviews if you did (though I'm amazed that you've gotten so many as it is).

First real point: Isn't it 'coup de gras?" or am I just being foolish. My roots are in Russian, after all, and not ze snooty French. (j/k)

Second: Directed at Mousey - Raphael IS that insane, which is why this fic works. Having Raph on his spree was a very interesting character developement device, as he descends slowly into barbaric insanity, being gripped by the power of Soul Edge. I think his brooding madness is a great tool (which I am so totally going to steal).

Last: YOUR CHAPTERS ARE TOO SHORT! I guess this is just my opinion, but I always thought a chapter should be...well, a little longer. Your are under 10 words on average, which makes it very hard to get sucked into the story.

*sobs* This is so sad! Poor Raphael! I did quite enjoy the bloodiness though. Though I am afraid for my favorite Frenchman's soul. I really don't want him to be come the new and improved Nightmare. *sobs some more*

Quite an good fanfiction. I really like it. Continue it, really. Don't try to make me suffer by stopping writting please! I'm a sensible one... lol.

Dude...he's not THAT insane! How dare you make my favorite person a psycho! You'll be hearing from me!

Such a pity whay happened to Amy. Now it seems Raphael is going berserk on the nobles.

Please continue. Its getting very interesting.

You've almost got me crying! Poor poor Amy...Poor Raphael, in more ways than one. Again, superior description with the battles!

NO! *cries* She can't die! She can't die! Poor Raph! *cries even louder*