I am glad I waited until I had the time to read this slowly - not because the language you use is difficult but so that I could give proper weight to each word you choose. This story touches on several thought-provoking issues - friendship, compassion, morality, hero worship and more - another reason not to rush it.

I found Toby to be an engaging character. She is possibly a little too perfect and precocious, but I suppose we are seeing her filtered via Trip and at a distance? I don't know if she is internal or external, but then, that doesn't matter as far as Trip is concerned.

Your portrayal of Trip’s state of mind after the events of The Cogenitor is most believable. His progress and growth from an event which was so traumatic for him was fascinating to watch. I wasn’t sure about the inclination to self-harm but I have difficulty in understanding that anyway. The reason you gave seemed plausible.

On a practical level, I personally didn't have any problems with the way you dealt with flashbacks at the beginning of the story, before you employed brackets to denote them. It was clear what was happening at the start and end of each one within a few words. The slight uncertainty at the very beginning of some flashbacks served the story as it enhanced the confusion that Trip was going through.

That was an absolutely amazing story! Your writing flows beautifully, I was very impressed, and you handled the story idea well.

I have a feeling that you have to threat a little carefully at the moment. You are getting very closely to being slightly...i don' tknow...the word is not cliche, but not matured either. I understand that Toby is more or less till a child despite her great intelligence, but it's not quite the stance i would use (only my opinion).
Also be careful with the catharsis ting. You explain it too much, it sounds like you needed to explainit to readers and not toby to Trip. i was hoping we would move in the dark valley al ittle longer, but well,it's your choice :) still i am interested how it will proceed. i hope we will get to see some friendship between archer/tucker too, if you are a slasher even more. :))

Congrats on a job well done...you've done a wonderful job with this story! Excellent writing, good dialog, great plot, very nice character development. You even managed a very nice made up character. I loved it. Is there more or was that the end? Either way this is a very, very well written story.
-FPP

Oh, boy. Tucker's in deep shite and it's not getting any better, ne?
Very emotional. I only have one little note - the part between flashback and current are a little vague. It took me a moment to realize that the time had shifted.
Other than that it's great. Looking forward to the next chapter.

I knew it was a good thing to suggest you to continue. I am very glad you are sending such long chapters, it makes them even more to relish because you can really sink into it.
I have to say that Trip is way out of character though. From what he know from the show, he seemed very somfortable with his family and kind of self-confident. Remember, he even went to show himself to Lizzy's classmates so everyone knew who they were starting with. But i have to say that I like your take on reality anyway and I am really looking forward to reading more. There is only one thing, the reality of presence and past with Toby is mixing up too much. It's confusing. Maybe it would be better to tell them slighty apart by writing the past in italics. I know that you try to make them blend confusingly, but it's slightly way confusing :)
The person of Tobey is very itneresting, she even gave me a slight irritation when she was speaking at the beginning. (but no way she would be six, no way). She reminded me little of the girl character in Malcolm in the Middle :) Hope to see more from you soon. I am soo excited how the reality and things will blend and what will come out, but Trip sure is down, he must climb a ladder to get in hell at the moment :)

Well, I don't think your skills have languished in the interm, mon ami.
This is a good first chapter. Especially considering that I don't even watch the show, and I've got a good idea of what's happening.
Damn I wish I had your knack for exposition.
Do me a favour, eh? REVIEW ME! There's some stuff there you haven't read yet anyhow. (Yes, this is shameless begging.)

Wow...great job! I enjoyed this!
-FPP

Hi!
I think fan fic is quite good for a frist timer. You chose a very difficult kind, kind of music fan fics. Believe me, those are very difficult despite of what people think.
There were several very, but very good and inspiring things. There just two small points, one is technical. YOu shoudl give more spaces between lines...you know like e.g. three-five lines, free line etc. It's much easier to read.
And you always do not have to quote all lines in a song you find inspiring, just wrap your mind around it and try to create a suitable scene or feeling, because like this I was a little confused. But otherwise, it was really good. I hope that my review was not too constructive to set you off, because I would not waste my time if I didn't see your potential. I hope you will keep on writing :)
Maybe you could work with this fic a little further, even write more chapters. It's a theme already written in several fics, but that does not mean there is nothing to write anymore. :)
Akin