Wow... I've seen the whole, 'Muraki sees Hisoka as a younger version of him' concept before but I've never ever seen it written quite as well as this. The part at the end was just inspiring...I felt so proud of Hisoka (well as proud as one can be of a fictional character) for trying to take a different path. I'm putting you on my fave authors list right this second.

This is an excellent story, very well written and well characterized. Your grasp of English is great; I didn't notice any mistakes. In fact, the way you used tense, though a little confusing at first, is really effective in establishing a time line for everything that happens.
What I was most impressed with was the big role hate plays in Muraki and Hisoka's relationship (as opposed to lust, for example). Quoting Oriya really brings that all together. Hate as a motive is spot on for both of them. Even though Muraki compares Hisoka to a doll, there is definitely that tacit sense that what he really hates is how much Hisoka reminds him of himself.
Very well done. I will have to read more from this author.

Wow...just...wow. This seemed so poetic, yet so...I dunno. It's just amazing.
I liked how you portrayed his father in this, a balance between both caring and hatred. You also described the link between Muraki and Hisoka well. Continue to write great fics like this! _