Kanako's a detestable bitch.

okay I got to say I don't like this story on chapter two and already mokoto's character has been destroyed. at least three or two laws have been broken the arranged marriage plot is absolute bullshit and the fact that mokoto's sister would just sit by and do nothing is stupid this man that is supposedly her father would be dead by decapitation faster than you can say hina. all in all you go and ruin three characters and create unneeded drama. the idea is interesting but this does it for me I give this a 4.10

This is a very well written chapter and as such, it pains me to say that...
The premise here is very much crap.

I mean, modern day Samurais and such speaking of honour. But clearly this was a match in which the winner was readily visible and thus allowing it to go as far as it did was quite barbaric.

Then you go and add the whole Shoji drugging Motoko bit, which was just all sort of weird.

...forgot where I was going with this but, suffice to say I like the writing but the general plot here is just off.

It took me far too long to relocate this story (about two years, roughly). Still every bit as good as I remember these five years later. I think you'd be a wealthy woman were you permitted to sell it.

(Man, screw the one-review-per-chapter rule. That's garbage.)

"...paler than usual as she fell before the toilet and emptied her bowels quickly into the basin."

Yep. That's Thai food for you. Can't believe I missed that lovely little hiccup the first time. Few such mistakes manage to readily fit the situation anyway. ;]

Best Motoko and keitaro fanfic

After many years since I last read it, I still think this is the best Fanfic ever written, it even blows Akamatsu out of the water by far.
It always irked at me how Naru ended up with Keitaro in Akamatsu's story "probably as she's based on his wife", when as you elegently explained in earlier chapters; quite similarly to the feeling I had on completing the manga is that Motoko though strong in body needed more heart and keitaro though weak in body "except for the whole immortality thing" had the strongest heart. They just seemed to be the best to complement one another.
Once again thank you for this amazing story, though slightly upset at the loss of their first child, but it did add a very interesting twist.
Lyther

Your inclusion of incorrect Japanese makes some parts painful to read, particularly with regards to Motoko and Tsuruko's interaction. For the record, the Romaji (english spelling) of the term "older sister" in Japanese is "Onee", not "Onne". The term for "younger sister" is "Imouto", not "Onne". Also, given the high regard that Motoko holds Tsuruko to, she usually addresses Tsuruko as "Onee-sama", not "Onne-san". Older sisters in Japan, and Tsuruko is no exception, usually call their younger siblings by their names (Motoko, Motoko-chan. Motoko-kun is also acceptable for non-close siblings even if Motoko is a girl).

There's also the part where Keitaro addresses his grandmother as "Oba", which translates to "Aunt". "Oba" is a term you use for your aunts and older, but not elderly, females. You should use "Obaa" instead, because Hina is Keitaro's grandmother.

There are a few more mistakes, but those are the glaring ones that made me write this review

It would have been better if you just wrote everything in English instead. The writing style and the story itself contains quite a bit of western flavor (the general phrasing of your characters' dialogues is distinctly American-sounding despite how much Japanese you put in. They say Japanese phrases that literally never get said in Japan.) anyway, so nobody would have minded. I was able to ignore the mistakes after a while, but they definitely soured the first chapter for me.

There are a lot of things I want to say about this story. Honestly, the worst part of this story is CB calling out all her mistakes in the disclaimer. I'll tell you right now, completely ignore that notification. Once you do, you will find one of THE best written and best developed stories on this site.

Cons: As I said, CB calls out grammar and spelling errors quite often in her author notes. Honestly, it detracts from the story as I find myself at times trying to find those errors. Sometimes I do. Most of the times I think she is being unnecessarily hard on herself.

Pros: Where to begin? First, this is an AU story that feels well within Ken Akimetsu's wheelhouse. Yes, the focus is shifted off Naru (thankfully). Kei and Motoko are both shown in a light that can be easily drawn from canon material. For me, the ability that CB shows in keeping the characters within canon and still going AU is a huge draw for me.
Second, CB actually crafts a well told tale. In a community with story lengths of 300 or so words, CB gives us a near epic tale of 372K words. Within those words, she develops a well rounded set of characters and paces a tale that WILL Draw you in. One warning, don't pick this story up if you only have a few minutes to read. You will get sucked in.

First off you are a good writer. The art of writing is to be good enough that the reader forgets there is an author there. You reach this many times.
Some suggestions that will help you in professional writing; which I suggest you consider pursuing btw.
I use the fan fiction mobile app's text to speech feature and Section separator lines with a random set of symbols is annoying. Professional publishers use a single hash # center justified. Admittedly yours aren't as bad as authors that use a line if xxxxxxxxxx ... Which comes out as a minute of the phone screaming sex sex sex sex...
If that doesn't freak you out, nothing will.
Though this story is years old I hope you've kept writing. Good luck.

er...since when is su british

Very interesting start! I loved how Keitaro was tied up and thrown into the trunk. So very him .

I liked this a great deal, and I was not really familiar with this world before - you motivated me to go find out more. thank you

Bravo, bravo my friend. This was a beautiful story. My thesis has suffered because of it... but I have no regrets.

I loved how you progressed the plot... the character development, the accuracy of how you portrayed each character as they react to certain situation.

The beauty of it was the reality of it all. (minus the supernatural turtle demons and secret techniques) It still portrays reality of life, its bitterness that we cannot escape. I applaud you and love this story.

Thourgh that equation men are only evil cubed because women are evil themselves