don't wright about inapropriater thingd

you need to watch your language

Please continue

Ok so this was written in 04 you must be near 25 by now. If you r still on here I recommend retouching the story and by that I mean taking out the authors notes. They are immature and not something I'd want following me now that you are grown. If u cannot take criticism you shouldn't write. I would never pay my hard earned money for an author that spoke as you do. It sort of gives a bad name to the rest of us americans I'm from the east coast though so maybe ppl in California just always speak that way. Some if the reviews were flames like the girl who so inappropriately told you to "go die" but as you will learn the world us filled with jerks who don't shit fairies or fart rainbows. You need to grow a thicker skin. Many of the comments were simply advice or constructive criticism and you jump down ppls throats. Also being published doesn't make you. "great" author "twilight" got published and so did "Jane eyre" and "a tale of two cities" yet "twilight" is utter crap and can in no way be compared to Charles dickens or Charlotte bronte yet all three stories "got published" . There is a huge difference between stories the have possibility to become classics and drivel that we do live to read like the Sookie stackhouse novels that will never be literary masterpieces but r enjoyable just the same for what they r. The equivalent of a daytime soap versus masterpiece

Instead of "she was relieved of the last one the most" I would have said "the last one relieved her the most." A beta would be helpful even published authors have editors they aren't infallible. Anyway it's good so far perhaps the other reviewer didn't mean grammar but content and the way your characters speak but since you're young I think that your writing will obviously mature with age

Dum dum dum... Oh Severus Voldemort's calling.

Only now does Hermione realize that her brilliant plan is going to separate her from her friends.

I love the concept of Severus giving secret points to Hermione.

What about going back to Hogwarts? It will be much safer there. While I am happy Voldemort didn't have Severus kill her right there it strikes me as odd that he would send them away. Also this being to protect Severus has gone out the window since he was seen attacking one of his fellow Death Eaters.

What the hell! Hermione is being careless. I mean I understand she believes in Dumbledore, but that doesn't mean be foolish. I'm glad Minerva was there for her on the train.

The plan is awesome, but what about a funeral, and the boys? She is leaving a lot to chance. I don't know that Harry and Ron will be able to cope with her loss.

Hermione is plotting. I think among her reasons for speeding up the pregnancy should be the war so she can help.

The calm before the storm. I'm happy you gave them this moment. I can't wait to see how the rest of the school will take the news. Then again it is already Febusry of her 7th year. She may not need to tell everyone.

The cryptic phrase returns. I'm glad they're finally able to get what they want. I can't wait to find out what this potion does.

The dark mark is on the left arm. That was very foolish of Hermione to follow him. I'm glad you had him summoned, and Voldemort calling them girls was funny. Poor Severus is being pulled in so many directions.

So these four are they interested in teaching? Did Dumbledore choose at random who would be paired with whom? Was it to flip the houses or by subject of interest? You showed good emotional movement by the end of this chapter.

Finally a Dumbledore who is in character. I am an aspiring author too, and I respect your wishes to only discuss plot. Why couldn't you be bothered to have Severus summoned by Voldemort. The conversation could have happened perfectly well elsewhere. It just doesn't make since for him to be able to slither his way into Hogwarts when he wants. The dark marks exist so that he can call his followers to him. Sorry it just doesn't seem possible.