You're probably 30 years old. Lonely, and probably never been laid.

Great fic though

Your probably not gonna read this review since you wrote this story so long ago but...oh my god. This was one of the best Akira fanfics-
No one of THE best fanfics I've ever read. I can't even describe it. Everything about this is so amazing from your writing style that fits the tone of the story so perfectly to the characters which are so in character sometimes it's scary.
I love how you incorporated the movie and manga within this story as that future Tetsuo could have had if he had crashed into the boy. The character development was great and GAAAHHHH! I just really loved this! I especially loved how you wrote Kaori. She was spot on.
Though the ending was a little bittersweet and made me sad I'm glad you ended it the way you did. A mushy ending would have felt forced as much as I had wanted Kai to be happy...
And I guess he kinda was?
Ahh well I guess I should shut up now. Just know that this was one of those fanfics that REALLY impacts the reader and moves them(hell it moved me which is sayin somethin since I don't usually get into fanfics or yaoi for that matter)

For some reason this is my favorite chapter.

I mean I liked it when Kaneda said ‘we’re not un-through!’ Or whatever, the characterization is great and I can actually feel what it would be like if this were to happen to kids in real life, the drama and the shit they would have to put up with.

But I still yearn for Kaneda to be a little more sensitive about the whole relationship, and if was a little longer maybe he could start to wonder if he really loved Yamagata, just something random that I would’ve loved to see Kaneda OOC. Ya know? (It's always kind of a fun to see your favorite characters a little OOC) Great work! But I haven’t read Death Note or the other series that you’ve written for, so are you ever going to write another Akira fan-fiction? Yaoi or Het I would love to see another Akira fan-fiction from you.

Maybe a Kaneda/Tetsuo with Kai/Yamagata fan-fiction?

good story though I doubt youll even care about this review since you wrote this so long ago.

But still just wanted to say I like this first chapter.

This is by far the finest AKIRA fic I have had the pleasure of reading, yaoi or otherwise. I liked the style, I liked the internal monologues (which I did not find to be schizophrenic in the least), and I really liked the secret keeping (and their reveals even more). However, I have one complaint... the ending. I feel like Tetsuo was kinda, um, "swept under" no pun intended. Kaneda was also kinda just shoved over to allow Yamagata and Kai to have their cuddly end. I feel like the whole story was unresolved, or like the loose ends were not not tied to the degree which would warrant a "the end".

If I begged really pitifully, do you think you could be persuaded into one more chapter? Perhaps a clarification on Kaori's and Tetsuo's end (if indeed that is the end you chose for them... which seems a little ::sniffle:: awful) and perhaps everyone else's take on that particular subject. Does nobody notice they both just ... were gone? Where dos this all leave Kaneda's gang. Kai is out, Tetsuo is out, Yamagata is in but with Kai who is... well, you know the story- you expertly crafted it.

Please please please one more chapter to fill gaps and tie ends? Please? The rest of the fic was so damn amazing!

Wow, I loved this. Delicious fanfic. However, I'd just have to say, the last two (give or take) chapters were... lacking a bit, to put it nicely.

Actually, if I had reviewed this after reading one of the other chapters, I'd be crazy with praise. It was well written, and pretty hot. Especially Kai, the rent boy! *hugs him* Though I think you do those crazy-use-dashes-a-lot thing (can't think of a better way to put it, honestly), which get annoying if you do them too much. I think you should be a little more subtle in that approach.

Hey, this is a good review man, I'm trying to help you here! Don't hate me D: Anyway, VERY VERY well done, just lacking at the end.

Hmm... well, everyone else has already given all the praise that I'd give, so I'll stick to constructive criticism. I loved that other one you wrote (Out of the Ashes) and expecting to like this one just as much. I... didn't.

I read this one and was hoping it'd have a happier ending, 'cause the last one made me sad. While the ending to this one is a bit ambiguous, it's certainly not as sad as the other one. But the thing is, by the end, I didn't really care. I was so angry with all of the characters that I couldn't empathize with any of them. They were all just so... stupid. And very unrealistic - I just didn't believe the characters at all. The only character I found myself caring about was Tenchi, whom I felt was quite well written. So even though Kai and Yama get to be together... I just couldn't care. That part at the very end of the other one, where Kai is talking to Yama, it made me cry. This one... I really felt nothing.

Here's what I think went wrong - you took the good aspects of the first story, and blew them up to an absurd extent. The inner monologue - in the first one, it was just subtle enough to be believable. In this one, it seemed that EVERYONE was schizophrenic and was hearing voices constantly. The beautiful, beautiful angst - the first one, it made me cry. This one... it seemed overwrought and trite. Like, you'd figure that all the times Kai and Yama talked, if they genuinely cared, they wouldn't both be total assholes to each other, no?

Which brings me to the other major criticism, which is repetativeness. Especially the last half of the story. It basically seemed that in the last few chapters, you were telling the same story over and over again. It felt like they could easily be compressed into half the space or less. By the end, what was really keeping my interest was Tenchi and Hiroshi, as I'd grown so tired of the other characters and their repetitious... idiocy. And even when it seemed like Kai was finally starting to grow some, he sees Yama again and it's the same old thing. I just kind of threw up my hands at that point.

Anyway, this is probably one of the longest reviews you've ever received, so I'll try to wrap it up. All in all, a good CONCEPT, disappointing executed (especially because having read the other fic I KNOW you're capable of so much better), but with some parts that I nonetheless really enjoyed. And great work on the characters of Hiroshi and Tenchi. That was so twisted, I loved it. But yeah, if you ever had to pick between one of these two fics to enter in a convention contest or something, pick the first one. It's the better work, by FAR. (I just wish it had a happier ending. ;_;)

(PS: I ain't trying to drag you down. This is purely constructive, since I know you can do better. Cheers.)

Okay, HOLD THE PHONE! Are you tellin me- that you killed off Tetsuo and Kaori? How could you? X[ They're like... my favorite characters! And you were doing so well with them, too, dammit!

::calms down slightly:: But overall, this was a fantastic story. I usually don't read yaois- though I do make some exceptions- and at first I only starting reading this for the KaoriTetsuo action (hey, I'm just being honest). But I have to say, I really started getting into it, and I mean all of it. You're writing and developement of the characters I think will about capture anyone. I also found it thought provoking in the chapter where Tetsuo and Kaneda faced off, and when Tetsuo pulled that knife on him. I don't know if you meant to do this, but hehe you made it very... literal. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I found it interesting how Tetsuo stabbed Kaneda in the back, and you know- that saying? "stabbed in the back?" I dunno; found it very fascinating; nice touch indeed! :)

Awesome AWESOME story, and I hope to write as well as you someday...

This is DEFINITELY going on my favorites list.

~Ja

P.S. thanx for reviewing my story.

"Kai laughed. “So it’s okay for me to stalk you, then?”

“Sure. As long as you don’t do heavy breathing phone calls after three a.m. I need some sleep.”" Haha, that was hilarious. This is really good, can't wait to read the rest!

I just found this story and I'm not sure how the reviews worked or if you are even still looking at them but I wanted to express my gratitude that you wrote this story. Sound weird? I really liked this and thought it a well rounded story, unlike some of the ones on here that are all about sex with no plot, written by people who can't spell.

MESSAGE FOR BLACKMOMBA 38 (can't think why you'd be reading this, but hey):

I'm sorry I didn't get back to you earlier, but you didn't leave an e-mail and you're not an author on - I was hoping you'd post your fic and I could contact you in a review of it. Yes, I would be happy to read it - please post! New Akira fiction is always good.

As for Tetsuo and Kaori, I'm afraid it's not a happy ending for them. (I don't want to put spoilers in for my own story _)

My e-mail is on my profile - feel free to reply to this if you want, or post your fic!

i liked this story, however i wanted to know who did yamagata choose in the end?

cos' he doesn't break up with kaneda but he's not really 'with' kai either.

good story.

chinadoll -'' x

It's me again! I forgot to say something. I'm thinking of sending my own fan fic in. It's on Akira, its called Love and War! If i do post it will you read it? It's rated R for language and LEMON! I thought it was pretty good. Anyway good fan fic but, you really got to say what happens to Tetsuo and Kaori you can't really leave it at that!

WOW! WOW! WOW! I thought you're Fan Fic was really, I mean really well done! I think you are a very talented writer. The way you describe everything with such detail is incredible because I can almost picyure everything that's going on! I am a big Akira fan and I really like reading fan fics on it. I have to say that this is the best Akira fan fic I've ever read! I really like the way you made your own characters. I noticed that a couple times you mentioned that Kaneda was a jerk; well yeah I know what you mean. Even though he's really hot! *giggles* Keep up the good work!

theyre dead? o have never been so disappointed at in my entire life
i rate your ending a 2, and your story over all a 5