A. It's Vinnie Gognitti, NOT "Cognitti"

B. Please put spaces between your paragraphs. Having everything so close together makes it difficult to read.

C. Pretty good take on Max's noir style, although a little editing would really help your prose.

But pretty promising thusfar.

Your take on Max Payne is great. Rockstar should use this storyline for their third game! It is smartly written,and the dialogue is wonderful. PLEASE FINISH THIS STORY PLEASE!

No Send Backs! TAG UR IT! this is so scary. send this to 15 people in the next 143 mins. when you are done press F6 and your crushes name will appear on the screen in big letters. this is scary cuz it works! if you break the chain you will have problems with relationships

I love the beging of the story.

nice i think that its pretty good keep going i want to read the rest

Quite descriptive and well written.

Good job so far

I really like what I've read so far, but its funny because I started working on my own Max Payne 3 fanfic and came up with a very similar situation! (Though I was using more elements of Die Hard with a vengeance in mine)

Perhaps its just the logical direction that the next game should go in, but this was written much better than anything I've attempted so far so I give it a big thumbs up because its the sort of thing I would have written had I more skill.

This is really great so far

Can't really correct you on anything, as everything's great

update soon

Great job so far, you've realy captured the feel of the game in your work. The dark undertones, the metaphors, slap up the graphics and SFX and this could be one of the graphic novel bits of the game. Minor note though, If you tun on the T.V. in the manor on the last mission you discover that Bravura survived his attack and was in treatment. You might already know this and are planing to have him show up later, or not, but I thought you should know.

This is a pretty good take off for a Max Payne story. Very Payne-esque dialogue...but then again, almost too much, as some of the lines seemed ripped from Sam Lake ("It started with the death of a woman" is a fantastic line, but you might have wanted to try a different take on it).
Also, looking forward to to the next chapters, but also wondering on the pretenses of this, and if you knew
*SPOILER WARNING FOR MAX PAYNE 2*
.
.
.
.
that Mona lives at the end of Max Payne 2 on the DOA difficulty.
.
.
.
.
*END SPOILERS*
Anyways, looking forward to the next installation.

Great stuff.
You could confuse this writer with the actual Max Payne script writer.
After reading the first chapter it got me hooked just as a good thriller or Max Payne story should.
Looking forward to reading more!

Nice! The prologue was great and Chapter 1 was very interesting. I would love to hear more!

A good start to the story. This is good it sounds like stuff Max would say.

Great chapter and this story is amazing. Keep it up and please update this soon with a new chapter.
Later,
Zemos