This fic deteriorated in quality after the 2nd chapter; it continues to do so.

It is disconcerting to read her as 'Hermione', when she herself doesn't know that's her name and wish to be called 'Athena'. It is clear that the others should at least know who they are, e.g. Percy WEASLEY the Gryffindor Prefect when Hermione and Draco "Serpent" Malfoy should at the very least know the Muggle-born friend of his youngest brother, especially since she was also in Gryffindor.

It was also disconcerting to read the line "It's the famous Harry Potter!" in the previous chapter. Simply 'Harry Potter' would do. You were overselling the point.

Then again, I don't know how much you've strayed from the works of JKR at this point. So time will tell. Still, at the very least, you should have made it so that Hermione answered to 'Hermione', since that's how you refer to her in writing. If you really wanted her to be called 'Athena', call her 'Athena'. As in, "Athena laughed to herself." or "Athena looked at him like he was insane. 'Are you bloody mad?' she said."

If you want her to be called 'Hermione', you should've added a scene in the previous chapter where they referred to her as 'Hermione'. Then, when she responded in confusion, they would know she's lost her memory, but seeing as Harry was still dead, and they had no other leads, and given the political climate, they had no choice but to send her to Azkaban. That would've been more gripping for the characters, at least, especially since I am assuming that she's friends/good acquaintances with some of them, or the people who arrested her are close friends with people who know her personally.

That would also explain why 2 people with no memory haven't been sent to St. Mungo's. (political climate)

This is horribly written. There are grammar, punctuation, and capitalization mistakes. The structure of your paragraphs is also bad. It's as if you're rambling or telling the story to a friend. The story appears unedited.

There are unnecessary thoughts. You don't have to type the arguments a character has with himself. They are tedious to read.

Be concise. Don't say with 10 words what you can say with five.

Don't add notes in the middle of a text. Characters are bound to be "out of character" in fan fiction.

Avoid unnecessary arguments between characters. This occurs in many fan fiction stories. Avoid arguments about hair if it doesn't move the plot along. If you want to give the readers more information on a character, you may add arguments like that, but only if there is no more effective way to go about it.

Lousy trial

Snape and HOOCH!?

"Meanwhile Ron was tango-ing with the Dark Lord (figuratively speaking)"
Priceless.

I love how you explain voldemort's distant cursing.. And the latino culture.. Tacos-to-go in Honduras Haha. You are hilarious.

The end of this first chapter is stupid and unrealistic. Though, if you mean to depict how little they understand the situation, that's fine. I mean let them just have a blank memory but not be stupid for god's sake!

ROFLMFAO! this was so fucking random! Haha, none of the characters were even a bit into character. It was quite plotless, but hell, I loved it. I can't stop laughing

only a few authors can write crappy stories and still have everyone love the story

Ah yes, I'm sure all hardened prisoners fearing their fate enjoy a pillow fight quite often.

Oh, haha. (me is laughing at my last review) Well, i guess the reason why i didn't think i know excactly what the story wsa about coz i never actually read the summarry. I only read this fic coz i saw the word "complete" in the summary. lol. i never actually noticed that its also "romance". yeah well, i'll still read it. at least ur idea was original. P

I can sorta see the plot, and i like it that way. U know, not too predictable, yet u have an idea of where the story is going. I like ur writing style and ur use of imagery, though i can't help noticing some typos. I think i only spotted about 5 in total or something, awesome compared to the other authors in And THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for not writing a cliche! Good job! and i love the angstiness (if that's what its called). ;)

Pillows in azkaban?

wow that was a really good story - i loved it and i think youre a really talented author and all and it was just really good.

Well.. this was amazing. I enjoyed every minute of it and am really sad this is all over. Fantastic job. Thank you so much for putting your time and effort into this amazing story. thanks!

Red and Gold