you should fix the spacing of the paragraphs in some of these chapters

DeviantART link is broken

Love the beginning! I cannot wait to read the rest of it!

This is amazing i hope there will be a sequel to this!

Too much focus on fara imho

I know it should be obvious based on the title, but still

An afterthought for my review below:

It doesn't matter if your story is not perfect. It does not matter if it is flawed. It doesn't matter if you got many things wrong writing it. Those are details. These can be fixed and improved upon.

If you have a reader stuck to your words for eight hours straight, ready to punch anyone who'd try to take them away, you are an amazing writer.

Wow. Holy... That was absolutely intense, the last ten chapters. It's 4 AM now, as I finished reading this, somehow, even though I were supposed to be sleeping by midnight.

I've read better-written novels (yeah, I think I can call this fic that. On paper it'd be 800-ish pages.). I've read deeper stories. I've read more intellectually stimulating books. But in the last few years, or maybe at all, I haven't read anything that absolutely gripping and intense and captivating.

You've created a magnificent literary rollercoaster in the last ten chapters of your Pheonix from the Ashes. I hate you for putting me through all these ups and down. And I love you for that.

You should be proud of yourself, because that's what storytelling should be all about.

Thank you so much.

Okay, now before I begin, I'd like to first thank you for selling me on Fara, I'd been a bit iffy between her and Krystal before reading this fic, but this fic proves that the original is always the best (mostly anyway). second, You're fic was the first StarFox fic that I read which actually took time over things, So many of the StarFox fics are just along the lines of; they did this, Fox blew up the big enemy, they went and destroyed Andross' nine-hundredth rebirth/clone/etc. your fic rolls along at a nice pace that shows that just because it happens in a short space of time, doesn't mean that the story should be short. So I'd like to thank you for introducing me to StarFox with substance on this website.

Now then, Constructive criticism;

-

I felt that you used 'as' too much, I think that 90% of the times you used it - particularly in speech - you could have used something else that was a bit more natural. For instance, there were a few cases that went roughly along the lines of, "We'll cover you, sir, as that's what we're here for." I'd prefer something that is a bit less crisp and is more natural for that kind of situation, such as, "We'll cover you, Sir - that's what we're here for." or even "We'll cover you, sir. After all, that *is* why we're here." to me those just seem to reflect what people tend to say in society more. People just aren't that regimented. Plus, I find that dashes in particular tend to speed up the action just a tiny bit, and give just a sense of improvisation and unsureness which people in the real world have. In a nut shell, I find it to be more realistic.

-

My second criticism, and my main one as far as plot goes it quite a simple thing really. I do NOT feel that Fara should have been involved in the battle with Andross on Venom; my reasons for this are as follows;

spent a long time in this fic building up on the reasons why Fox wants revenge on Andross. How he killed Fox’s parents, all the people he’s killed in the war, threatening Fox’s team mates etcetera. Thus by the time we reach Venom, Fox has the biggest personal grudge against Andross. The others have all been mistreated by Andross at some point or another, and they all want him dead, but Fox’s reasons are clearer and more personal. So when he reaches Andross, it’s not just a fight to free the Lylat system, it’s also a very personal fight for him. So then when you throw Fara in there, particularly because she then saves Fox from certain death, I think it completely shatters the personal dimension of the battle which you and the comic spent so long on building up. I don’t mind Fox getting help, like in the comic where Slippy and Peppy blow up Herbert, but I think that that was Fox’s fight, and should have primarily remained his fight alone.

other thing is that in the next part of the story, Fara essentially becomes the lead main character, with Fox slipping back into secondary main character. What I mean is that we spend a large amount of time in Fara’s point of view, more I would think than Fox. She is also revealed to have some sort of psychic power, and the fic is less about Fox facing off against Andross, and more about how Fara deals with the news that Fox is going to die, and the fact that she loves him. So I while I love the Fortuna part of the fic, I just think that with putting her in the Andross fight as well… it just becomes too much Fara.

the reasons I just stated, about how the fic becomes more Fara centralized, I think it would be nice for Fox to have a swan song of sorts with the Andross battle before he steps back a bit from the spotlight.

-

Those are really my only main concerns, I like how you wrote Peppy, I like Slippy too, although I perhaps would have had him do a bit more (in the mechanical field or something), but then I think that Slippy is a rather underrated character. Falco’s good, although he sort of gets sidelined as Fara steps into the role of Fox’s counter part. I love some of you’re secondary characters such as Gary, you managed to walk the fine line of giving an OC (which he basically is; 1 line in the comic doesn’t count) a big enough personality, without having them out do the main characters. Pepper I liked too, except he should have had his lollypops. And I have to say I think you have the best version of Andross I’ve ever seen (I love bad guy who you can absolutely love to hate, but can still make you laugh with their antics, like demolishing desks in a fit of rage). I really like Fara, except for her appearance in that battle… but I think you captured her personality pretty much right. All of us, when we are in situations we don’t like, don’t always think rationally, hence the bit about wanting to get kicked off the team etc. Fox is good, if maybe a little bit emotionally unstable, but then he was in the comics too so I won’t hold that against you. & it was good to see you shove Fay and Miyu in as well.

So all in all I really liked you’re story, I liked how you put some of the more memorable bits from the game in too, such as the space armada. Terrific job. Would read again (and again. In fact I’ve already read it about 4 times). And I’d love to see you’re version of the 1 eyed Andross and everything else from Star Fox 2 in a sequel. You don’t have to take Starfox 2, an original plot would do just as well, but please, come back to writing Star Fox.

Sorry for my long winded and round about review, but then it was 4 in the morning when I wrote it. And have fun if you do decide to put pen to page again. Trust me, if you write, I’ll read.

I cant believe i haven't found this fic earlier. I must warn you that I'm not a big fanfic reader,

i read maybe 15 or so in my whole life so. And also,unlike you i write kind of bad in English, so

don't mind the structure or grammar please. And by the way this is full of spoilers.

But before i start reviewing, since this fic was completed like 2 years old and i don't know if anybody will

read this, I'll tell you how i got here.

A month ago i knew nothing about starfox other than it was

a fun game on snes and n64. But after talking about "old times" with my friends they made me

think about starfox. I was wondering what info i could find on the game on Wikipedia, then

i found the old 92 starfox comics, read them all in a week or two. I was a little unsatisfied

with the way these awesome comics were forgotten by Nintendo and the way they rewrote their story

completely on the n64. So i kept digging all the fan sites i could find for information and more

info on the comics and their author Ashura Benimaru Itoh(he's myamoto's friend and he plays guitar, and

wears leopard printed clothes, he worked on earthbound too).

Then after a while i tried fan fictions,

i visited a forum and found this post forums. ?topic3066.0 (i hope

html encoding didn't screw the address), even if the comment was quite short and lacked arguments,

since it sounded to be about one of my favorite character in the starfox universe beside fox and wolf,

Fara phoenix. So i started reading, got hooked up as soon as i noticed it was inspired by the

sf comics. Since summer started college stopped, so now i had a lot of free time and had to limit

myself to 2 or 3 chapter per days or else i would have read it in one shot. Then after many cliffhangers

i finally finished reading this awesome fanfic.

Anyways, you could teach a few things on storytelling to Nintendo, because they seem to need it

very much especially seeing the way they screwed the story of starfox a couple of times.

First of all, your good at making cliffhangers but please don't overdo, i mean it didn't kept me from sleeping

at night but it was hard to leave when the last sentence mention Fara's ship disappearing in a fireball.

I know i saw it coming that she would make it, but since you didn't follow the comic exactly, and the title

was phoenix from the ashes, i still had my doubts. But i must say i really loved that, as much as i hated it.

I mean it was funny how in one paragraph i could go from "I hate you", to "i love the way he wrote that part"

(don't worry, it didn't ended on an "i hate you"), it kind of add another emotional layer over the whole thing.

Another good thing, you made an incredible description of the corneria base.

I could almost draw a plan of the general layout of the base. I don't know how you pulled this off but usually

each time someone describe a place, the next time they visit the place a few chapters later

nothing is in the right place, but you didn't seem to misplace anything or make walls pop up from

nowhere, except maybe at the end, the infirmary seemed to have been repaired rather quickly for an underfunded complex

after slippy's explosion.

I loved how you expended on the whole rebel side of the team while they were on papetoon, the whole simulator

training part was great too, and also the whole media coverage part.

But i didn't liked the way you removed parts that were revealing andross's motives for blowing up james's car,

and where all hell breaks loose on papetoon and fox gets pissed off.

That brings me to my big deception, some parts from the comics were left out or sometime modified in a weird way,

like the battle on corneria, since there isn't only one country on corneria and since the cornerian forces are like

some kind of united nation, i wonder why you delayed the invasion to fit with the day the team was ready to fight.

Well my main problem isn't with the invasion being delayed, its more the fact that it kind of turned into a weird

space/land fight. And also Adross when he invades planets doesn't just attack military structures he attacks civilians

too in the comics, you can see a big city with holes everywhere in the first fight scene, the one where Fara is

in her custom orange and black arwing.

Also i didn't like the way you found to have Andross capture slippy, i mean even in the sf comics androids aren't that

advanced and even herbert2 wasn't looking like a pig even if it was meant to. But you kind of cleaned up with the

last part in Andross's base where there were androids of Fara and fox, and they all got fooled and almost started

shooting at each others. But i would have loved to see what you would have written on their trip to titania and

the part where fox and fara were talking next to the tree and then the cargo crashed into the ground.

Secondly, i loved the secondary characters, especially Garry, Celine and Ayne, i wish we could have heard more from them

especially at the end. And you could have developed them a little more in the part were you started skipping battles

because fara was angry with fox, instead of saying how everybody was tired from their battles. And ever since i saw pepper's

assistant in the comics i wanted to have him do more stuff around and have a name, but now each time I'll read the comic

i bet i wont be able to not refer to him in my mind as Garry, it fits him so well.I also loved the references

to wolf throughout the fic, we could almost sense the growing rivalry especially when fox didn't save wolf's father. And

i think it was a great idea to have myiu and fay in the story except that myiu is a little out of character for a

young tomboyish lynx. I think that if you developed more the secondary char near the end by putting them in new situations

or in new emotional states it would have been even more interesting.

Also Andross didn't seem to be able to make his mind, one day he wants to kill whatever moves and gets super psycho,

and some others time he capture the whole team to tell them he should kill them but he does not, and gets even more psycho.

Sure he is kind of nuts but even in the comics he had a relatively fixed goal, and seems to be actually not a unidimensionnal

villain when we discover his motives and that there was actually a part of him that was good before he kills it.

Thirdly, where all the goofy stuff went? Sure it was kind of dumb especially the hyper twinkie and stuff, but some of

this stuff added another layer to some characters, like pepper's lollipop obsession, if it wasn't a Nintendo magazine

he would have probably chewed tobacco or smoked cigar. Or Herbert the pig android, show that andross tries to find what

he lost when he was young, his parents, who were pigs in the comic. The whale ship also was weird but it explain where

his father is gone and why he can help fox. I'm glad you kept the dancing squirrel thing and even reused it later, the first

time i read that i think i laughed, its just so weird, i guess in japanese it was something like a traditional dish

or something went horribly wrong when it was translated.

Fourthly, i don't mean to insult you but for easier understanding I'll call this part the dumb stuff. This is everything

i remember i noticed was weird or "dumb". I personally found strange the way fox had his flashback and become non-responsive

but still was conscious, personally i have something a little like that, some kind of obsession or so the doctor said, whenever

i think about stuff i did, i always find something bad that i did and make it bigger and then i start having regrets and be ashamed

even if it happened years ago, and instead of rolling on the ground in semi-coma, i usually just growl in anger to snap

out of , the other thing i found strange was how fox becomes more and more low on self confidence and loose

his "edge"(i hope that's the right word), he become more serious, deep and less smart ass. Also at some point fara turned into

another character after the accident, and started using words she didn't used before and become incredibly

emotionally unstable and childish. I know she is supposed to have been affected from her trip in the regeneration

tanks but i don't know, there is something that just doesn't fit, i don't know precisely what. Also, i found strange

that fara never showed that much gratitude to fox for saving her a couple of times, she didn't said thanks or brought

back the subject after usually. I don't know if someone saved my ass so close to death that much time in a row i would have

at least said thanks or maybe tell that person i have a debt to him for saving my life, or maybe i would just be a little bit

more tolerant of that person afterwards.

Next, is the annoying stuff. Slippy, but you cant remove him, at least you made him less annoying. Peppy surprisingly

gets quite annoying with his quotes and being always right, i guess it should be normal since fox and falco say that

often, but i would have loved seeing him do a big mistake for a change. Now, i can tell that at some point you started to be

out of synonyms, reusing some expressions quite often. But there is two sentences that all the characters say too often,

"by the creator" and "that it is", or maybe they don't say it that often but for some reason each time i read these words i say to myself "oh no not again".

Also, i think that sometime the characters shouldn't guess what fox or fara, or anybody thinks right away since it not that apparent or

rather complicated, but strangely some characters guessed it easily. There is also the inverse, like the whole argument between

fox and fara about not dropping fara from the team, i cant believe she expect to be dropped by the dude that has a crush

on her just because she thinks she is bad even if she is a better pilot than slippy! And she should know that since she likes

to fight and showed it so often that fox would know that this is what she really wants.

Oh and by the way i think you went a little hard on fara, she accumulated more body injuries than the rest of the team

together. Especially in the last 3 chapters when the android fox crashed, and gave her false hope and even completely fooled her and almost killed her,that was kind of just a little too much it was

almost funny, i would have laugh at that one if i didn't thought fox was dead.

And, the end is a little deceiving but not as much as the one from the comic, except that i find it strange that

pepper just dismissed everybody from their job on the base, i thought they were almost like a family at this point

he could have at least offered them a post in the army or something and he should have showed up at fox's bed. And

why nobody they knew celebrated with the pilots for their victory, like the engineer ,or garry, or celine, or myiu,etc.

I know the base was almost desert but still i cant believe everybody just left the base, its a little unlikely since its the only military base on the planet.

You know, up to now my favorite fanfic of all time that reached me as much was Russ Brown's X-COM Saga

it was based on an old game, Ufo: ennemy unknow also called Xcom: ufo defence. Even if your fanfic is

a mammoth compared to his 9 long chapters, his fanfic was really rich and deep, it was even more interesting

since i was playing the game for the first time after i found it on an abandonware website. But now i must

say, even if you put less events than i would have hoped in, your fic is my new favorite, and i might even read

it a couple more times. By the way if you ever want to read a good fanfic you should take a look at it, its really

good, i know of 2 or 3 sites that have it but here is one . , just

scroll down to russ brown's fanfic.

Sorry for the long reading and saying too much, i hope you understood what i tried to explain. You surely noticed that when i had complaints it focused on small details

sometime but i cant make a review if i have only good stuff to say, well i could but that wouldn't be really useful.

Anyways, since I've been so inspired by your fic, that made the starfox universe believable, and explainable.

I decided to write a basic story that runs in parallel with

your fic without conflicting, and that would explain why some stuff wasn't seen in your story, a little bit

like "Concerned" did with the story of half-life2 but in a less comical way, but since i write like

shit and i am a student programmer I'll try telling my story through a video game but, im still in the concept phase,

i have a few 3d models and drawing and story elements, I'll see were that will take me since i don't have a team yet

and its not yet completely serious. I might even put up a website in the near future about starfox and this little project.

And finally, thanks for having messed with my head for a couple of weeks, with your story. And if you want to clarify some of the things i meant in my review, or anything feel free to e-mail.

This whole story is simply amazing- if you can make a sequel, there'll be some serious partying going on. :D Great job! I love the characters especially, great job with Fara and Fox (The Rush Home and Recover & Recuperation are my favorite, along with The Last Mile).

This is my single favorite story on this site. Just wanted to congratulate you on an amazing job, and thank you for a great read!

(And please do write something - anything - else, you're really good at it.)

I is only now that I am reading StarFox fanfiction, and I must day, I love this story, I like the comic story line far better then the GameCube games (not to mention the character design, I thing the gamecube versions are creepy)

I have to disagree with RedBay big time here, at least when it comes to Fara, her character was perfect, I don't see why anyone would want her to be acting like a spoiled whining kid, she's a strong person! (Fara is my fave character so I am bias)

I can't believe I'm just now "getting around" to reviewing. Sorry about that.

Great story. It was fun while it lasted, and it's nice to see a fic based on the original SF story.

Not to mention that a lack of Krystal was greatly appreciated.

I think RedBay's covered the bases when it comes to reviewing. Again, an excellent job, nonetheless.

I still can't believe it took me about 3 months to review...

Long indeed. But good, too.

Well, after two years it’s finally done and I’m not really fully sure what my feeling are on that. Well, I made it threw it as I said I would.

First off, I would like say Thanks for never being rude to me during the course of the last two years, it means a great deal to me. I know that some of my questioning more than likely where very bothersome and I do have a nasty habit of not backing down and I do like discuss and analyze. However, I’m still going to point out a few problems I had pertaining to the story I think it need some work, so I‘m apologizing before hand if I over step my grounds. I look at this as my chance to say anything and I’m treating it as such.

First thing, your battles scene still need a little work. They are sometimes a bit confusing and slow. One of the things that hurt them are too many long sentences (I know I’ve said that before) which always made my mind wonder and gave me far too much time to think. I have notice that you have began using the sentence length control in suspenseful situation and it has made them read so much better, but that also need to translate into the battles to make them flow. In short, three, or four line sentences really close together don’t imitate speed. And try not to repeat yourself, though this you have improve on a lot since the start.

Character development has been a bit of trouble, as well. I will say that you have always been consistent with them despite all this time that has gone by and that‘s really remarkable. The only character that changed any bit was Falco and I can’t say that wasn’t for the better, even just cooling down his cursing helped. Over all, your character never grew, they just remained pretty much the same through the entire story, so nothing changed them not even facing death. You see, I would really would have liked to have seen Fox mature into a strong leader or even get a backbone. I would have like to have seen Fara quite acting like a spoiled whining child who has to have her way. And the same is true for other characters. Notice, I have thing about them growing up and leadership. As a note, I do know a lot of this story dealt with their hardships and I have no problem with that and really I like stories like that, but also like to see the characters develop and change.

The detailing work and the consistency still needs to be considered. This is something I have come to see that a lot of people don’t put a great deal of stress on, but I do, because I believe that it speaks volumes about the story and the author. The detailing can also suggest things, that are or are not there.

One other thing I would suggest, is try to show more rather that telling. And when you tell be sure that it coincide with what you are trying to show.

If you do decide to continue to write, I bet that it would pretty good and wish you luck with, that’s if you do write it.