I don’t know about you, but I’ve always preferred to hear the bad news first (just think, you’ll have something to look forward to!), so I’ll give you my criticisms first. As far as technicalities go, I think that in the sentence “You were imprisoned for twelve years for a crime you did not convict,...” you meant ‘commit’, and also you kept switching back and forth between indenting and not indenting your paragraphs. Other than that, though, your spelling and grammar and whatnot seem to be top-notch As for the story itself... well, I know that ‘drama’ was one of the genres, and Sirius’ death is a very sad subject (indeed t_t), but still, some parts struck me as, well, /over/-dramatic. For one thing, you’re right that Remus doesn’t seem like the type to break down so easily, so while it might’ve been okay for some characters, to see him standing in the middle of the hall crying and talking to himself is... downright awkward. He could’ve at least sat down XD Okay, I joke, but seriously, that would’ve been one way to make it seem more realistic... weak in the knees and all that... Or, he could’ve had those exact same thoughts, but just kept them in his own head... In either case, a little more physical description might’ve been nice, to break up the speech bubbles as it were, because such strong emotions would after all probably have a profound effect on the body. Is he trembling? Cold and clammy, pale? All that stress was probably playing absolute havoc with his stomach. And one other thing, from a bit later during his conversation with Dumbledore especially - some of the dialogue reminded me less of Harry Potter and more of Hamlet. Consider: “Why, Albus? Why must it have been he who suffered such a dreadful end?” And Dumbly-dore’s answer: “And neither may I understand...” Not to mention: “Why? Why does fate then plan so viciously? The injustice of it!” They are actually rather beautiful lines - but they just don’t quite seem to fit in with this story. Remus’ monologue at the beginning was in normal speech, for instance. If you have trouble telling what properly expresses deeply painful emotions and what crosses the line into melodrama, try reading the lines aloud - preferably with lots of emotion, quite loudly, and to an audience ;) Anything that makes you feel really embarrassed probably needs to be toned down.

But, now that I’ve totally just ripped your fiction to little tiny shreds and stomped on them (;;), I must say that it wasn’t all bad. Dramatically portrayed or not, the depth of raw emotion is just stunning. I actually didn’t think it dragged at all; somehow I never got bored, even though it was all talk and no action (which of course is not a criticism by any means, just harder to do). When you do use it, your ability to describe scenery from the character’s perspective is really good (“He waited as the ragged door materialized, followed by the stained windows and the rest of the dark, filthy house, and then proceeded up the crumbling stone steps,” etc.). Not to mention, you had a catchy opening (always a plus). In the end, I think you just need to take a closer look at how people cope with grief. There’s dank depression - it would’ve been interesting to see Remus’ reaction when he first heard about the meeting, or his interaction with the other members of the OotP, if he’d managed to get himself into a nice funk where all he wanted to do was sleep - or raging, or denial - ‘I don’t want to think about this, I’m going to pretend it didn’t happen’ - and, most important of all, a touch of wry humor, if not from Remus then at least from the one comforting him. Humor will balance out the drama and make the whole situation seem more human. I’ve heard that laughing opens the reader up for crying - not that it has to be, or even should be, literally laugh-out-loud funny in a story like this - I don’t know how to explain it better than that, but I think it makes sense...

*wipes sweat from brow* Congrats, this may have been the longest review I’ve ever written. I’m sorry it seemed so negative t_t Trust me, I wouldn’t have even bothered if I didn’t think your writing had so much potential. Your hope in your beginning author’s note has definitely been fulfilled; I think there’s something really special about this story. There’s certainly a lot of talent there (something about how it kept me from getting bored the whole way through, I suspect ), so by all means keep on writing. Though, don’t expect another review like this anytime soon, whew... *grin* And on another note entirely, if you don’t hate me forever and refuse to read anything I write ever again that is, that Oujiro/Wizard story I promised is actually coming along quite nicely - a prologue plus two chapters already, w00t! Maybe I’ll post the prologue today, just to make up for raggin’ on you so much...?

Excellent story...I really enjoyed it from beginning to end! Wonderfully written! Could you review some of my work sometime? I have a goal of trying to reach over a thousand reviews on my Harry Potter pieces...I would really appreciate it. Thanks...

A little draggy but not in a bad way -i still love this fic :D I can't believe JKR killed Sirius either! It's just rude!

I love this fic! I'm not the biggest fan of Harry Potter, but your work is amazing! It did seem a bit draggy, but what are you going to do? Also, I am going to take this oppertunity to beg you to update Aragorn's Sorrow soon! I'm dying from the suspense! I realize that I, being the queen of procrastination, have little to no right to ask you to update, but I can try, can't I? Again, great fic; definately going on my favorites list-

~~Elendil

Your story made me cry... *sniffs* This is very well written. You have such a great way with words... this flows very smoothly and naturally, I wish I can write something as good as this! *sniffles* I'm going to print this fic out... I want to have it with me. *grabs tissue and sniffs loudly again*

very nice.

i love remus and sirius, and this fic almost made me cry. i dont cry much, so congrats to you. this is wonderfully bittersweet and sad, but made me smile at the end.

beautiful.