your amazing. love this a lot. i really couldn't say enough so i wont, but thank you.

the main thing that struck me about the opening is the use of information, i know many people have stated this before, but a lot of information is given to soon. What i believe the major appeal of games such as final fantasy are, is that they use in medias res, or in the middle of things, the story doesn't have a very concrete start, and thus many of the characters already understand the world around them. In the game, many of the details of the world are revealed to the player by remarks from the characters. A note about a city in the past, or a conversation about a battle from long ago don't give the reader the details but help flesh the world out in a realistic way. as many people have said, it would probably be a greater choice to start with the opening as it was in the game and let the finer points of the world, such as shinra's creation, (which i never knew and was quite interested in reading, im not sure if you made it up but it was very well done) come up with conversations between characters, or when the reader needs to know them.

while other people complain about the word count, i really don't see the problem in you writing, i thought it was well done, i just found issue in the organization, which is much easier to adjust. You really are a great writer and i hope you are able to finish the story. keep it up :)

It's too boring, and you add your own shit in. Just stick to the normal storyline, start with aries walking about, then the train etc. And the prologue gives away too fucking much man. It's like you crammed in the whole plot in like 10 sentences. Feels like shit. If you want to talk about the president's past do it in another chapter because you need some shit that will capture everyone's attention, especially if your doing a ff7 novelization, I mean god damn that game is loved by pretty much every gamer ever.

The train is a perfect start slips right into action. Do it son. Make it work son. Fuck you son.

Why did you stopped writing come on complete the story you were good in doing that if you will complete it just send a mail to me my email Id is

where is the rest of the story

Dude i love your first chapter, I just read it and I would love to help like HARDCORE! I've played the game a thousand times and i find it ecstatic. Plz send me an E-Mail of my request. , alright i hope i get to talk to you soon!

A few minutes later, Cloud and the others had made it down the secret passage into the basement. They all spotted the basement door and stood in front of it. (Who starts a chapter with a sentence like that?”

“Hey Cloud, I think that this is the door that needs the key,” said Red XI. (Convenient.)

Cloud nodded, and walked over to the door, placing the key in. He turned it, and the door swung open.(That's what happens when you open doors with keys—too much explaining on the little, unimportant things. That's why your word count is so high.)

“Yuck! Cobwebs!” groaned Yuffie, quickly(-quickly) breaking them all(-all) up with her Shuriken(You use this word so much.). (cliché'.)

“Cloud, you don’t think that there’s really a man in there, do you?” asked Tifa. (In where? I know it's a coffin, but I haven't read it yet.)

“I don’t know, Tifa. If there is, he might be long dead by now. But there’s only one way to find out for sure,” replied Cloud, stepping into the room while the others followed him. (There is no voice; they all sound the same in my head—other than Yuffie, who's just plain annoying.)

The basement turned out to be full of open coffins, nothing else. The only coffin that stood out was a closed, purple coffin in the middle of the room. (How many coffins? Were they lying atop of one another? Was there enough room to walk? Were they leaned against walls? A purple coffin? Vague; you need to find a balance in your descriptions—too much, not enough...find a median.)

Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, Red XI, Aeris, Barret and Cait Sith walked over to the coffin and they all suddenly heard a low, calm but otherwise emotionless voice inside of it. (Why do you have to say all of their names? The group would do, the seven...things like that. Reading all of those names is mentally tiring. A reader would likely stop reading after a few of these instances.) (Low, calm, but otherwise emotionless? How many adjectives do you need in one sentence?)

“To wake me from the nightmare…” said the voice from inside the coffin. Suddenly, the coffin lid flew open, and a man got out of the coffin. ( From the corner of his eye, Cloud noticed Tifa and the other girls flinch, while Barrett quickly aimed his gun toward the coffin, and Red XI growled and snarled. The lid opened with a creak, and out from within rose a pale, expressionless face, his eyes as cold as stone. A red band was wrapped around his head, and around it long, black hair fell freely past his shoulders.

“To wake me from the nightmare,” the man said in a low, emotionless voice. He turned his head slowly to face the intruders. To Cloud, looking into the man's eyes was almost haunting; his cold stare could pierce through the hardest stone. But, confident in himself, and also his friends, he simply waited to see what the man would do next.

“Who is it?” the man asked sharply. He climbed out of the coffin, revealing peculiar attire. He was wrapped in a black cape, orange shoes protruding below. It wasn't his clothes, however, that were the most disturbing; he had no left hand, only a metal claw. (This is what I would say—or something like it—if I had the time to write this story.)

These critiques are not meant to offend you, only to help you. It's good that you like writing, and with practice, could be quite well. Keep up the good work

This was 20,0 words. 20,0. Average Fantasy/Science Fiction chapters run anywhere from 2,500-12,0 words. If all of these chapters are 20,0 words or more, you'll have the longest, most boring book there ever was, and the game won't be justified.

Now. I'm a huge fan of the games-seven and ten, in particular-and also love writing, reading, anything fantasy. This is, to me, full of things that weren't in the game. The dialogue is over-tweaked, and there are far too many additions. Also, when you're writing an action scene, or describing your characters escaping from a building, you don't have to go into every, single detail. You must have had over five thousand words before they got into the reactor, and fifteen thousand getting out. I think the train sequence was what? A thousand or more? The word to story ratio is way out of whack; lower your word counts. Condense; tell only what's on a need-to-know basis.

Also, I don't know how many times you used the first name of every character when a simple "she" or "he" would've been just fine. The more you use the name, the more I'm thrown out of the story-things should flow without too many stumbling blocks.

Also, you're taking far too many liberties with the characters' emotions. The creator of the game wanted the readers to know 'this much' about a character, when you felt to show 'that much'. You know? Giving off too much-coming on a little strong here. When writing this, write it the way you would write a story nobody's ever heard before-while still staying true, and only exact to the story. No liberties. Too strong on explaining Materia. Um...it was a little boring. I need more flare. Got it? I commend the effort, though-no matter if it's a little too much effort.

HOLY UBER FUCKIN HELL! I NOW BOW TO YOU MAN! I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND AN ACTUAL STORY THAT WASN'T AN OVERVEIW OF THE GAME AND YOU DELIVERED! I have actually been workin on my own version but your's has totally surpassed mine. And as an OK from you, I'd like you to email me and let me know when Chapter 71,72 and so on are available. Again, this is an awsome show of imagination. My e-mail is .

Sorry for reviewing again, but I would just like to say that if you need someone to help with the facts and plot of the FF7 story, if you haven't already gotten all of the information already, let me know. I would be glad to help. Anything to help a great story get done faster, that way I can read more :)

Anyway, E-mail if you want a someone that can review the story chapter by chapter and give insightful comments on what might make the story better. If so, my email adress is

Definitley the best fanfiction on this site! If you only knew my love of Final Fantasy 7 and how much I have longed for someone to come along and make a story version of it, you would realize why I enjoyed it so much. Put simply, excellent work, keep it up! There was a few a few rough patches of the same descriptive word repeating over and over, and a few minor misspellings, but overall a masterpiece in itself. I am aspiring to become a good author myself, and enjoy reading immensley, so believe me, I know a good story when I see one. This isn't just a good fanfiction, it is something that in my opinion should be, once finished, sent in to Square Enix to be reviewed, critiqued, and possibly turned into the official FF7 story.

Incredible. You, my good man, are brilliant.

The way you covered the Nibelheim disaster was outstanding. Could you please update me on the progress of your work, as I would like to get a copy of the completed version, when it's available.

10/10 Finest Kind.

YAY! Go FFVII novel! I absolutely love where you're going with this fic, and you mustn't stop now, not when I'm so caught up in it! :)

cool.

Yeah, I like! I wonder what Yuffie will do when she's against her dad. KUGW!(keep up the good work!)

azn~*~*~