estuvo muy entretenida tu historia, crei que explicarias que por eso chichi es asi muy dominante con goku y era debido a que debia controlar el instinto sexual de goku.
pero lo que escribiste estuvo muy bien

In this chapter:

You said "a bit" 33 times
You said "red in the face" 8 times
You even said "red in the face a bit" once
You said "sighed" 9 times
You also use almost the exact same sentence every time Goku eats throughout your whole story (some combination of licking some sauce from around his lips and saying "Yummy").

And that's ignoring the blatant grammatical errors throughout the chapter, such as missing words or your baffling use of the word "though" when you're not making two opposed points in the same thought. You need to widen your vocabulary significantly, but more than that you need to learn how to describe more with fewer words. Your current descriptions mention many different aspects of the scene, but you don't actually say ANYTHING. You use lazy descriptors like "an interesting design" rather than ACTUALLY describing the design or simply calling it intricate or ornate.

I think if you can go back through your work and find your own patterns (like a quarter of your dialog is "[character] cried.") and learn how to vary things up and streamline where possible, your creativity could be at the forefront of the criticism and more people would find your work approachable. Right now, reading your work is as mentally exhausting as explaining BDSM to Goku was for Chi Chi.

Also the entire thing about the apple strudle was you wasting your readers time. It served no purpose whatsoever. Kitty and Tangerine were already an established Dom/Sub so it didn't serve to illustrate that in any meaningful way, and Tangerine's grandmother isn't a more interesting character because you forced everyone to randomly eat strudel. You could have scrapped the entire thing and it would be better.

I could go on at length about how atrocious your writing is. Run-on sentences, repetitive adjective use, and describing things like cleaning a carpet with incredible detail but skipping over what you clearly intended to be mind blowing sex.

But honestly I'm more interested in talking about how creepy it is that you focus on keeping the story grounded in the DB universe by referencing things that happen when chi chi and Goku are children while completely ignoring the things that happen in Dragon Ball after they grow up. Even the shrinking violet personality you gave to chi chi in chapter 1 is how she behaved as a literal child.

I know you were prepared for criticism of your portrayal of BDSM relationships, and there are definitely a lot of problems there, but what you really need is criticism of your writing ability.

I really really really really liked this story, I think it was incredibly well written, and the way you showed the evolution of Chichi and Goku was very nuanced but also dramatic, if one was to read chapter one and then chapter four you would think it was two different characters. I also liked how you took the time to subtly flesh out the side characters too, they weren't one-dimensional, as it often happens in fanfictions, you showed various aspects of their personality wich made it easier to visualise them and feel a sense of attachment to them. I'm a bit sad that they ended up relegating their play to the attic but I guess it makes sense and it's true to their personalities. I also really liked how you narrated the ending, it felt a lot like a scene from a movie with the main character reminiscing in their late years about their youth, it was quite poetic in a way. Overall it was a lovely story, keep up the good work.

I like the idea and the overall writing of this story but the character Tangerine i dont really enjoy. there is a difference between a dom and a bitchy person tangerine is the latter first she starts off rude, which can be excused because she thought chichi was a window shopper. but then she is extremely judgemental to a person she met 2 minutes ago eyeing her up insulting her judging and her lifestyle her getting in her personal space sexually commenting on her husband and ect not only is this terrible customer service but also bad representation of doms and sex store workers. look im not here to stand on my soap box and scream at you this story is acctually really well written and does do well in many aspects such as chichi struggling with her inability to satisfy her partner "a lot of people have this problem" and the writing in this itself is top notch my issue is just with one person in hindsight I typed alot and I apolgize if this comes out rude or as a flame