The writing in this chapter was tighter than in the previous ones, so great in that front.

When Moody enters the great hall there shouldnt be a "crack" because people cant apparate inside the grounds or the Castle. Maybe you meant the sound of thunder (as in canon there was a storm during the feast) but either way saying crack would be confusing for the association with apparition.

Oh boy oh boy this is not gona end well. Hopefully things will go well. Either way this is awesome.

Ok thanks for the story, and the update on Hermione, glad she is not going to turn evil

Well that explains a lot.

Well done that right there was amazing.

Well done that right there was interesting.

Well this is it. The real adventure begins

i see only 1 problem with this story: no way in hell wil aunt amelia let susan stay with the dursleys without a personal visit

You have come up with a unique premise. There are many stories that have Harry and a twin separated after Riddle's attempt at murder, but this is the first I've seen that uses an existing main canon character as the missing sibling. The main problem becomes why were they separated, who was responsible , who knew of the separation, and when, and why do they reconcile.
This is the foundation for the remainder of the story and it is where your work has the most problems. Grammar and spelling problems aside, the question of why did Albus keep them apart after they started Hogwarts, and who else would have known about their relationship leaves large holes in the plot. If Petunia already knew about Harry, wouldn't she also know about Susan? What about Sirius, Remus, and Amelia? They certainly would have known. If Riddle went after Harry due to the prophesy, shouldn't he also have wanted to kill Susan? If so, why wouldn't Albus have wanted to include her in the blood wards he erected around his house. Why is he sharing all this with them now and not 3 years earlier? If Amelia truly didn't know about the origin of her niece's birth and relationship, wouldn't she, in her position of Director of the DMLE, tear into Albus about all these questions, especially if it meant that he was trying to take Susan away from her care and into the loving care of the Dursleys? Why use Susan as the lost sibling? What does she bring that an OC wouldn't bring?
Get a beta, answer these concerns, and you will have a much stronger work. I hope you continue to write and develop your talent.

nice story so far

Good story, I told you my view on Hermione in my review of the last chapter, but want to add how refreshing it is to see Ron be the mature one

I think the aunt's just put the fear of God into Vernon dursley one can only hope. Update soon

I don't like Hermione's attitude in the story. I don't know if it's the way she's talking down to people all horror always has to be in control I just don't like it but the rest of the story it's great

I can see the train ride home being very interesting full of many conversations and many different topics talked about

Conversations with friends are going to get very very interesting because now that explained that they have a sibling but they didn't know about. I imagine that those conversations may get a little heated. Update soon