More pls?

Can't wait for the next chapter

not exactly coherent...

not written in a way which resembles the way things are written. more like a small child blearily retelling a book they read, in a way which obscures all of the details and makes everything needlessly confusing.

this is published on a public website so I am allowed to actually review you.

I would recommend to

a. learn punctuation

b. read other, different books to learn the structure of a written story. as in, how to write a story. PJO's style seems so relaxed you can mistake it for being sloppily or lazily written, so if you try to ape it you can end up looking sloppily or lazily written. Please read some other books for tips on how to write stories, or read some short stories, or even some somewhat more reputable fanfic.

c. grow older. I'm not saying stop writing, you should never do that. But writing naturally progresses as we age, so when you're older you'll probably be better at writing. Unless you're like... already an adult. In which case, dude, what's up?

anyway, I hope your writing improves along your career.

If you're 1-8 years old, exceptionally impressive. If you're 8-11 years old, nice job. If you're 12 or 13 years old, step it up a notch, just try a little harder, and follow those steps. If you're 14-16, dude read some more books, because your writing is exceptionally sloppy. If you're 16... I have no words.

a

Very nice chapterr, maybe try to do another chapter of "When everyone bestrays" I like that series

Also Hades isn't Percy's uncle anymore -_-

Please Dont Abandon the story.

NUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Perfect and update soon please

Perfect and update soon please

So I like this story, it has a good plot and is well developed. But maybe you should focus on when to put commas and when to put full stops. It’s a bit confusing. Another thing I want to suggest is maybe using longer sentences, instead of simple sentences to make the story more interesting and to check if you missed letters in your words. Maybe you could show Percy’s hatred of Annabeth by writing about how Percy feels about Annabeth’s betrayal and how she ruined his life.

But again these are just suggestions and your story is already great without them but they can make it more understandable and enjoyable. But I love how the story is written and I’d like to see Percy seeing Poseidon or something or maybe part of the chapter through Annabeth’s point of view to see how she feels towards Percy. I’d also like to see Percy reject her or something. But my point is this is an amazing story and I hope you continue it. Good Job!

Plz update soon

Looooove it also warning if percy likes HER! again know i will stab you(jk)
Anyway its such a lovely story i love it! i need more

Amazing

Perfect and update soon please
Percy x harem
Percy x Artemis