Computer posted before I could finish.

I was saying that the Description here sounds like she is built like a mannequin in department stores rather then a metal frame with layers of plastics. Might want to add a part about looking past the surface layers to the frame which would be Blackened with flakes of silver peeping out.

Just something I noticed, hope you are doing well.

As far as I remember about Nier; Project Gestalt was given little more then a discription , being that it was a project to use magic to split human soul from their body, then let the white Chlorination Syndrome burn out,(not that the human realized it was tied to magic, meaning that the project was doomed from the start), which the human bodys would be left to free-roam the world -(not enough storage space I think)- as for some reason is not effected by the magic sickness when hollow, though if destroyed, The Shadow Lord would be used to recreate new Vessel. As for its appearance, it was a large glowing ball of red lines around a sphere of almost rainbow color. (looked to be more or less a reskined projectile in game, or I think that was what it was during the boss fight)

The writers were not big on real depth of how this would all work, more just the cool factor of it all. But, yea-thats all there is on the subject. More or less why I suggested that if you want to continue with new angles with inserting into this game that the option of a Found/recoverd/discoverd or just plain injected soul in a box would give more leeway into what you could write about. But I wont bother about this anymore, Ive said my piece and youve said yours. I just wanted to make it clear why I kept going at the idea and how it could be used to free you up of some current constraints.

As for the chapter, Its good, though I think your discription might be a tad confused

First thing I noticed was that a few times the dialogue was stuck in-between sentences in a paragraph.

I dont know if it was intentional, or not, but it makes intaking the story a tad difficult to digest. You might want to break some of them up into smaller more focused chunks. Though not bad. This is still a good story so far in-my-book.

As for the story, I dont know how she is going to survive cannon as the base attack was fairly thorough as far as my memory goes. Especially if she remains by the entrance area. But I am curious on how she will do so.

Thank you for Responding, but I think something was missing in the review that it didnt get across:

I wasn't asking that they have to fight, nor that they had to have an active role. Merely that I think most people would be asking why they were not hot-seated for a direct trip too the moon base, or question how they jumped somewhere into the future. As in we as a species dont really let others do the deciding for our own good, that most people I know would be figuring out a way to get from under the thumb of their "protectors" in this situation.

That is what I meant by "passive".

As for the android bit; I was referring to project Gestalt and the machine used to contain all the essence of the human race.

If such Technologies are available, (and it should with it all being power/maintained by magic), that creating a simplified and reinforced copy compatible with YoRHa systems is in-no-doubt an easy order to complete. The tech is available and should be heavily documented. So, Why would they not immediately do so with the chance of White chlorination syndrome still being a real probable threat to a human? (not that much different then amputation) They value human life so much that the idea of any sort of risk would be considered traitorous out right. Them letting a human on earth be let back to possible contaminate the rest of their species with a foreign body would be denied.(remember only a select few know humanity is gone, but I would still argue the rest would quarantine them on the idea of protecting the others they think are alive)

The rest of the idea is that they could similarly benefit from being a soul in a jar by piloting a android body like the androids around them. No need to worry too much about our main dying from mistakes or being kept out of commission, just like the others she just hast to worry about the others they knows being hurt.

Hell, you could even do a mobile satellite with the their soul-jar kept safe from harm by 1. being high in the atmosphere thus far from threats, 2. being mobile and thus never having a set position to discover or exploit by the enemy. Magic already eliminates the lag/interference between earth and space, could have even better translation time due to magic being involved.

That is my reasoning for the conversion idea and its merits for these types of stories.

The writing quality is good in terms of your spelling and grammar, but the following part of the Content Guidelines is broken for being a second person or you-based story:

Entries not allowed:
5. Any form of interactive entry: choose your adventure, second person/you based, Q&As, and etc.

You need to remove all of the elements related to the reader and replace them with any canon character or original character. Switch to first person or third person point of view. You can always put it on another site where it is allowed like Archive Of Our Own or deviantART.

Is this a soft reboot?

Im asking because it seems to be near or close to the same premise to your other story, being; human ends up in Nier: automatta and is allied with both android factions, ends up being attacked, thus is hospitalized, leading to her needing to be lead around by a leash until they finally start to seek answers. My question thus stands: are you trying a different angle here?

Otherwise, I dont feel that this really improves the overall story formula as so far we have your previous story, just sped-up to four rather then the twelve chapters we had. (and that was mainly due to the character growth and development padding, which was really the meat and bones of the story with her insert nature being the side-story guts of it all) Once more are are stuck with a protagonist that seems to be so passive that its almost painful to watch.

If you really want drama, why not just start off with your main character being gravely wounded thus ending up in a ghost in the shell scenario; her spirit transferred into a android body. You could spend the whole story with her questioning if she is really alive while giving a good excuse why she could at the very least explore the world while everyone else is trying to keep her safe. Nothing harder then trying to get the last human to stay safe if she feel like your caging her in. Worse if she can fight on the same level as combat models. Though that brings me to my next point.

Its jarring that your characters keep surviving (crashes from Atmo, not being crushed under literal tonnes of cement flooring), yet only receives light damage (Lost an arm with burned off skin, now she just has a broken ankle), that I have to wonder if you fear crippling your character, make them impossible for you to empathies and thus would not be able write a realistic take on their actions.

Dont worry about bad things happening, it why we read in the first place. We all love reading about others who get screwed over yet some-how get what we truly desire, (which is were point out we all know this is a shipping story, not what I meant by "a deferent angle"), its the the bitter the air, the sweeter the water sort, yea know.

I love your work