Hi Bio, here from the special places challenge and fandom blind. I like the progress in this story from Azuma sitting alone in his quiet dorm room to the room being filled with friends and chatter in the final scene. I think you do a good job at capturing what this room means to Azuma at this point in his life, although I think if you made this longer and expanded on his emotions in some places, it might be more effective. As is, it's fairly short and straightforward, and being fandom-blind, it was kinda hard for me to get invested with these characters. The references to whatever sad event that Azuma's been through (his brother's death, I assume) feel very vague. I also found the "his big brother often looked at him" section a little confusing. Did his brother used to watch him sleeping and tear up? Was this one of the "short-lived moments of joy"? I feel like this section could be clearer. Good luck in the contest!

Ah how heartwarming!

Pretty good work. Good luck in the contest. I can't say much more as unfortunatly I am not too familiar with the fandom

Hi Biologist. Reading this for the Special Places Challenge.

The introspection about why Azuma thought the Mankai dorm was special (which is more of thoughts and feelings) vs. the rest of the piece with his friends flows very well. Azuma thinks that someone might sleep in the top bunk. And then Hisoka knocks on the door and asks to sleep on the top bunk. :)

The rest of the piece shows a few very close friends that are comfortable in the dorm. As you say at the end it's clear that they "will always be there for him."

Even though this piece has a very light - hearted tone, there is a hint of a more somber note, with the reference to "Azuma didn't need to hope for the dead to come back to life." And, "Waking up ot see the nothingness that reminded him of his family house, yet nothing of feeling lonesome..."
Those hints do a wonderful job contrasting how different Azuma's home life would be from dorm life, and hence why he'd rather be at the dorm.
But because they are only "hints," they don't really take away from the cheerful feel of this piece.

Well done.

Dropping by from the WA Special Places Challenge.

Story/Character stuff:

I’ve never heard of A3!, so I’m not sure who any of the characters are, or what/where Mankai dorm is. As a reader, I would have loved some explanation on those fronts. Right now, I feel like I’ve walked into a random building and gotten stuck in the middle of a conversation with people I’ve never met about things I don’t have a context for.

Since I’ve never interacted with A3! I’m not sure how the characters come across in canon, so I might be somewhere off in the woods on this. I saw one’s age listed as twenty-five, which was a great anchor point when I was reading, but none of the characters’ actions or dialogue felt like something anyone over ten would do/say. Everything just felt… too juvenile for the proposed cast.

I’m assuming this group is involved in theatre (with the references to them being a troupe, actors, etc.), but this was a confusing element for me as it wasn’t explained at the outset. We have a reference to “a new actor might join the theater company”, but it’s not integrated into the prose in a way that explains why it’s there.

“wake up to see the same nothingness.” I wasn’t sure what this meant. Nothingness as in “void space”? No furniture? Meaninglessness in life? No family? Personally, I’d love to see more specificity here.

Azuma’s room is plain, which seems a little odd to me if he’s in theatre. I’ve known several theatre people, and most of them prefer lively/bright decorations. Maybe this is a canon thing?

Azuma comments that it’s nice to have a visitor at 9PM. I’m not sure if he’s being sarcastic. Me? I’d be upset unless it was a select few people at my door.

I wasn’t sure what the reference to Azuma wishing for the dead to come back to life was about. Does it have to do with his brother? If so, I would have liked more explanation on that front—and more about his brother too, since the “special place” element seems to have something to do with his absent biological family.

Toward the end of the piece we discover there are two more people here, Tasuku and Tsumugi. It was just a lot. We already have three characters in very closer quarters. Adding two more was confusing for me as a fandom blind reader.

Hisoka falls asleep awfully fast. I can go to sleep in a minute or two (literally), but not with people yelling and dragging things around. Also, he seems to sleep very deeply. If he’s that deep a sleeper, I don’t get the impression he would have woken up for anything, much less run away again.

This sentence: "You will never learn how to compose the perfect poems if you do not compose them regularly." I’m assuming it has something to do with their troupe, but not a hundred percent on why it’s here. There haven’t been any other references to poetry or writing, so this being here strikes me as out of place.

I get the impression this was supposed to be humorous, but without context, it was hard to follow.

Technical stuff:

There are a lot of stage directions in here (i.e. “walked towards the door”). When Hisoka initially shows up and Azuma lets him in, we don’t really need all the hows and wherefores. Right now, it reads:

Rising from his seat, Azuma glanced at the clock on his desk. A visitor at 9PM? How nice.

"Coming." He walked towards the door and opened it. Hisoka stood before him, in pajamas and a nightcap, with his penguin plushie Penpen in his arms. Although he was already 25, he still looked like a sleepy kid.

There’s great stuff here. And unnecessary stuff. Pare out the extra:

Azuma glanced at the clock on his desk. 9PM. A visitor? Even this late, that would be nice.

“Coming.” He opened the door.

Hisoka stood outside in his pajamas and night cap, stuffed penguin Penpen in hand. Though twenty-five, right now he looked like a sleepy kid.

It would have been nice to know right away the vacant bed didn’t have a mattress instead of finding out a quarter of the way through.

I’m unsure why Homare is yelling. It seems out of place.

Typo: “use a company” should be “use some company,” or “use company.”

There are several awkward sections that could use smoothing out, as well as unnecessary words that clog portions of the piece. Without those and with the addition of more character development and world-building, I think the special places element could become a lot clearer.

SPAG, overall, was great.

Congrats on your entry and good luck in the contest.