I think your story is really very good, and it did a good job of portraying the Holy Spirit as who He is. A few minor objections, though. I think it would have been better for the Holy Spirit to cry; crying doesn't necessarily mean that the Holy Spirit was wallowing in His grief. Also, while the grief which the Holy Spirit felt would have been immensely great, He would be Holy and therefore not wallow in His grief. The Spirit is God, and therefore is indescribably happy - too happy for even such a serious blasphemy to squash out.

Lastly, I dunno why you wrote that the Holy Spirit was shocked. How can He be shocked? He's omniscient; He knew Jesus would already defend Him like that. A better way to write it would be for the Spirit to be extremely pleased to Jesus for defending Him, even though He already knew in advance.