god...not again...why do Fanfic authors focus on Neville longbottom so much

this is very nice

nope sorry i can't. i had fun reading this story it was amazing, but adding Ron to the relationship... nope i dont like that so i will respectfully leave off here.

Keep of the good work writing though the story is well put together.

I am enjoying the Rita Skeeter stuff. Harry not doing proper PR was such a huge and easily-solved problem in the books.

Lavender comes a bit out of left-field. She didn't have many interactions with Harry in the books, and she's had even less in this story. Why exactly is Harry rushing to fill all his betrothals? This isn't a contracted one, he can wait. Given the changes he's making to the timeline, he's going to be a completely different person, move in different circles and meet new people in the near future. Why restrict himself to just Hogwarts? That's completely leaving aside the whole "mentally 23 years old" thing. Feels like he'd be looking for at least one girlfriend who is closer to his mental age.

I just realized... couldn't Harry have gotten around the Malfoy contract simply by adopting someone into the House of Potter? Or by paying Lord and Lady Malfoy to adopt/have another child? The contract only kicked in because Harry and Draco were both the sole member of their family generation. And that's completely aside from it being a bit strange that a Lord can commit to a magically binding contract, but apparently can't modify or change them.

Riddle's daughter is interesting... but like a lot of things in this story, feels a bit rushed. I like a lot of the ideas here, but you're pouring them on too fast. It makes them feel tacked together rather than organically part of the world. The canon HP-verse doesn't look like the story you're writing. Granted, that's the point of fanfiction, changing stuff for fun and not-profit :P But you're relying too much on the HP framework. The world you're writing about is REALLY different. We (the readers) need more time to come to terms with the changes you're making. We need see the characters living their lives in a world that's internally consistent with the changes, otherwise it the seams between your changes in 'regular' Harry Potter are too visible.

It really feels like Harry is being too caviler with his time-travel secret! And moving way too fast in trusting Malfoy. He stated earlier in the story that he wanted to keep the timeline somewhat the same, so he could use his future knowledge to deal with Voldemort in the cemetery. But he's changing a LOT of stuff. And giving away information that if Voldemort got even a HINT of it, would completely destroy Harry's plans. It really really makes Harry seem naïve. I won't even get into how borderline creepy it is for Malfoy to be adapting this quickly to a gender change, complete upending of his (her?) worldview and 180 degree reversal on her interactions/feelings with Harry.

Seems a bit lax of Harry to be so open with the time-travel information to Ginny, Ron and Hermione. Ginny and Ron are both rather hot-tempered and not known for thinking before they speak. Granted, most teenagers aren't good at that. A lot of risk of the information getting out accidentally. Hermione, while generally more level-headed, is still rather wedded to authority at this point. It's less than a year ago she went behind Harry's back about the Firebolt because she was convinced she knew better. That's a pretty serious information risk. Use of the Fidelius charm or some sort of secrecy oath would seem appropriate here, so that only Harry is able to give out the information. You've already got the absurdly-powerful magical contract trope woven deep into this story, feels like a missed opportunity not to use it to help the main character where appropriate.

Lord Parkinson seemed under-characterized. Is he in favor of blood-purity? Is he neutral? Was he forced into an agreement with Malfoy and how does he feel about the Death-Eater connection? His daughter is signing a betrothal that will massively impact his family, we (and Harry!) need to know these things!

The Acting-Lord Malfoy bit is somewhat weird. His father is in prison, but Draco is still has a mother who logically would have power of attorney (or the wizarding equivalent). Neville doesn't seem to be an acting lord, even though his parents are incapacitated. Same with Susan Bones, even though her parents are dead. It's a bit of an issue when characters who should be lords or ladies don't seem to be, but a character with a living (but temporarily incarcerated) parent gets a promotion.

There's also a bit of an issue with an old contract being able to magically enforce things on future generations. The HP world just doesn't look like one where that is possible. How could you magically bind someone who doesn't exist yet? If a contract could be that open-ended, there would be old contracts forcing families to do things all the time. Absurd, barbaric things, given that they could be centuries old. It's a really big plot hole. It's just barely believable that you could bind a magical child into a contract, they actually exist so there's something for the magic to latch on to, and GoF proved you can force someone into a contract with their magic somehow (although even that is a serious plot issue). It's making it really hard not to cringe at how forced-feeling the Malfoy plotline is.

The Malfoy stuff weirded me out. Malfoy wasn't just mean to Harry because they had a bad first meeting. He was raised by a Death Eater and clearly bought into their ideology. Yes, he's still just a kid, so there is some leeway. But he still basically called for the petrification/death of 'mudbloods' as a 12 year old. He had no issues using his family name to hurt others. That kind of behaviour doesn't just go away. Also really weird that he just believe's Harry about the marriage contract, and reveals so much information about himself. If you wanted us to buy into this somewhat different version of Malfoy (not impossible, I've seen good redeem-Malfoy stories) you probably needed to introduce the information more gradually. Show us a slightly altered history where we wouldn't feel so whiplashed by their interactions here.

Tropes and clichés aren't necessarily bad. I admit, stacking them can come across a bit absurd, but as long as you're knowingly going all-out, it's more of a guilty pleasure :)

Thanks

awesome story.

truth be told, luna, hermione, and ginny are overdone and overrated, i would much prefer daphne and astoria greengrass, fleur delacour, bellatrix, narcissa, rosmerta, rita, andromeda, susan and amelia bones, hannah abbott.

the story gets kind of boring, if hary went back in time, then it should have changed the timeline up a bit, you know the whole butterfly effect, yet everything seems to remain the same, its pointless

the lovegoods can't demand anything, especially since harry's families are older and more powerful, and due to britain being medieval in their practices, therefore it is a patriarchal ruled society, which means, in any house, the men are in charge, not that i agree with this but thats how it was, and it would then come down to house age, which potter, or in this case peverell, is older than lovegood, therefore harry is the one who decides, not luna, and not xenophillius