| Reviews for A Grim Tale |
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rainfallMyth chapter 7 . 7/21 Kai manages to piece together toms plan about the basilisk but reveals his intentions with ginny to a girl who he doesn't even care about and is acting suspiciously? |
rainfallMyth chapter 6 . 7/21 Kai should be paired with someone. Whether its someone who changes him, or he changes/hides his true self from them |
Guest chapter 5 . 7/18 Wondering if Kai will keep Riddle around or once he has learned everything either a) destroy it b) lock it up where no one can get it or c) hand it off to someone and weaken their will so Tom can take over that persons body permanently |
mcnexusbros chapter 7 . 6/4 Really liking this. Hoping for Hermione/Kai endgame. |
KawaiiNinja.982 chapter 7 . 4/25 I am really enjoying this fic so far. I think the only issue I would find is the amount of sexualisat ion for children at that age and the fact you made the same in first year. I understand that the posted in your AN that this was your experience with school at that age. However British schools are very different to this Teenagers would be very prudish and this sort of thing would only start happening 5th possibly 6th year. British culture would definitely not of had eleven years 'snogging' and groping one another. The fact that by 13 most would find hand holding and asking each other on dates awkward and embarrassing. |
Bio RL chapter 7 . 4/23 thanks for the chapter |
TehStorm chapter 7 . 4/23 Great chapter,i can't wait for the reunion of kai and sirius in the third year,right now i am curious if kai will help sirius get to pettigrew or hate him and blame him and his mother for his shitty live. Also,i hope kai won't be an absolute dick when he stops seeing ginny,i mean if his goal is to be seeing as hogwarts best and brightest student then also being seeing as an asshole who is a playboy who use girls as playthings won't help him accomplish that goal. If anything it would make much more sense if kai break things off with his future many "girlfriends" in a positive note while maintaining a decent friendship with them,as it is much better to have an acquaintance/friend then a vengeful and scorned girl after your ass. Anyway,when will kai visit grimmauld place?As heir black and with the use of his gifts i am pretty sure he could find a way to live by himself in one of the black properties,wich will also allow him to use magic in the summer. Can't wait for the next chapter. |
Didiwc chapter 7 . 4/23 The store is crap. You need need help. You’re really fucked up. |
PegasiJake chapter 6 . 4/22 I like this, really I do, I just dislike the rape that the Orphanage owner / whatever did to him, that's very very disgusting and I normally quit right after things like that, But I get that this' dark, so I'm pushing through and liking most of what I'm reading. Thanks # |
Guest chapter 6 . 4/19 I simply had to point out the inconsistencies in the way your characters speak. Sometimes they speak in typically British ways, sometimes in typically American ways, sometimes in odd, weird combinations of the two that make no sense at all. And sometimes they just sound plain stupid. This inconsistency is extremely evident in the case of Kai. And even in the case of characters who were not so important in canon and even Hermione. Ron, of course, acts like a complete stereotype of a boisterous British kid just like he does in the books most of the time, but I've noticed inconsistencies in his speaking style too. Just throwing in words like "bloody" and "mental" and using "arse" rather than "ass" doesn't make it sound the way it did in the books, and I don't know if you intended for the characters to sound different than they did in the books, but if you didn't, you'll need to sort that out. You have a huge sample space in the books, numbers of dialogues, probably hundreds spoken by the main characters, scores spoken by secondary characters etc. My point is, the books had a pretty generic template for each character's way of speaking - they speak in a more modern and casual style than Shakespearean characters, but they have very specific crutch words that don't correspond to the American lexicon, which is mostly "like", "literally" and the like - not a pun. All you had to do was follow the template. Also, numerous spelling errors in the chapter where Kai meets Dumbledore - "Albums","Ablus" etc. You did say you wrote the chapter in a hurry, and I didn't see those in earlier or later chapters so I guess that was a one-off. Also, sometimes I have trouble making sense of your sentences - I just don't get what you're trying to say. And your female characters are abysmal, I'm sorry to say. They all behave like that typical stereotype of teenage girls who are obsessed with relationships and boyfriends and start getting flustered around handsome boys and have absolutely no agency of their own. Even Daphne, who seems to see through Kai's mask at first, is just hopelessly enamoured with him, she's just seeing the games he's playing, because she plays mind games of a similar kind herself with boys she's interested in. I for one always felt Daphne was a smarter, less prejudiced, more aloof yet kinder soul than most of Harry's Slytherin contemporaries. And yeah, I know that's just because Daphne's character wasn't focused on at all in the books, but anyway. Hell, even Hermione seems to be taken with Kai at first, and while she does show that she can see past that mask on the train when they're talking about his dark arts book, it takes a clue of that magnitude for her to get suspicious. None of your female characters actually have any relevance in the story except when they fawn over Kai except Hermione and, in the beginning, Daphne. And I would like to point out that girls who just want boyfriends and relationships etc are stereotypical images peddled by the media and if girls are really like that nowadays, it's because they've been conditioned to behave that way by society. If you wanna call me an SJW for that, I won't sue you but honestly, your female characters are just not relevant to the story except for, you know, behaving like ridiculous overused stereotypes. Neither Daphne nor Hermione are ultimately posing any sort of threat to Kai. Related point, your characters act like absolute dumbasses. Everyone except Kai is dumb and a loser and Kai himself makes stupid slip-ups when it makes no sense why he would. As for Kai's slip-ups, it really looks like you're trying to sew in made-up flaws into what is essentially a Mary Sue OC, sorry to say. When he can't create a new spell and can only create a variant of an existing one, when it takes energy, when even tying it directly to his magic doesn't mean it stays indefinitely, all that constitutes genuine challenges to Kai. The struggle with Tom, I'm on the fence about it. Because while their interaction is probably the only genuinely enjoyable thing about this story (yeah, I'm not joking, although Ron finally beating Kai up was pretty enjoyable too, perhaps even more enjoyable), Tom doesn't really do anything much even with the arsenal of skills and talents for manipulation at his command. This is Lord Voldemort after all, and while he's not the full-fledged psychopath he has become in the present, he doesn't even put up that much of a fight, he just grumbles. Harry doesn't even seem to guess what Kai is upto, which, to me at least, is pretty difficult to believe. Draco is also shown to be significantly smarter in the books, here he's just so dumb it's exhausting. Essentially, where one would have expected situations that slowly but surely escalate, as in others forcing Kai to up his game - Tom engaging in a manipulation fest with him, the trio of "idiots" being on his ass all the time, because let's face it, the canon trio certainly would be, the Weasley twins constantly pranking him, because they would, Draco proving to be much, much harder to fool etc etc - THE CONFLICT SEEMS FORCED. If your characters were smarter - because characters being dumbed down for plot reasons is the stupidest plot device that ever existed and, seriously - STOP IT. If you can't write a smarter story, you might just lose fans who would otherwise stick with the story until the end. Magic systems. Harry Potter is a soft magic system, and your attempt to turn it into a hard magic system isn't exactly all that strong. It needs to be more interesting and better constructed. Especially considering Kai's only major limitations are the magic part. No LGBTQ representation. I mean, already, in the name of that we have people doing Wolfstar and Drarry and Snarry and, well, whatever. But whatever floats your boat. And these people are 11, at most 12 year olds - thinking they kiss and grope each other is either the thinking of a horny teenage boy or it's the sign of a sick, perverted mind OR it's the sign of a writer who has nothing else to fall back upon except sex - consensual or not - to take their story forward. Oh, and YOU'RE A SICK FUCK WHO NEEDS TO GET HELP. |
Padfoot chapter 6 . 4/18 Pairing Penny Haywood |
TehStorm chapter 6 . 4/18 Kai really needs to learn occlumency,if dumbledore wanted he could have discovered how much of a sociopath kai really is and snape could do the same. |
Guest chapter 1 . 4/18 You're a sick fuck who needs to get help |
Antares Graceford chapter 6 . 4/18 It was a really nice update. As frustrating as it is to see why he loses the dueling match, it makes sense and serves a greater plot point so it was fun to read. The stage has been set really well at this point. I'd like to see if Tom and Kai develop their relationship further, rather than just Tom using Kai. As Tom has a reason to sympathise with Kai at the moment it'll be fun to see if a mentorship/apprentice relationship develops between the two. With the way Kai has been abused, idk if he'll get a happy ending no matter how much I hope he does. I really do hope you're planning on giving him a happy ending, poor boy deserves one. As for pairings.. well Slytherin girls are out at this point xD I doubt he'd consider any of them. Daphne or Hermione would never work at this point. Ginny might but I think there can be a better alternative. As fuck all as it seems, maybe Susie? It's definitely be interesting. I'm really eager to see how PoA and afterwards plays out, to see how Sirius and Kai react to each other, if they meet and what the relationship will be like. Will he give Kai access to Grimmauld place? Will he still make Harry the heir? Will Pettigrew get caught? Will Hestia come back? There are so many questions and I can't wait to read more to find out the answers. Also will McG ever come around and apologise for being a bitch to him? Eagerly waiting for the next update. |
As Far as Far goes chapter 5 . 4/13 Very nice story. Eager for more chapters |