Again I am enjoying the story, but it defintely feels like you're using this weird attitude shift for David as a crutch for some weird forced chacter development, and drama. If it was fleshed a little bit more, and/or eased into a little bit then It would probably work. Because again right now it feels incredibly forced and angsty just for the sake of being able to check it off as being in your story. Instead of feeling natural at all.

Not a fan of the incredibly over-the-top personality shift for David there. Partially because that seemed to knock a lot off the squads personalities out of whack to deal with him.

Him being really good with, and pretty with infiltrator type combat is totally acceptable. Especially because you have to be an exceptional person, or in the very least above average, to have a place on Shepard's crew. However him having pretty strong biotics on top of the other stuff is getting pretty close to Gary Stu/Mary Sue type stuff.

I could live with it if they don't get any development that removes the downside of him using the biotics. That being said would totally be down for him to somehow increase the strength of his biotic attacks, but make the drawbacks much worse. Like not quite on par with Jack strength-wise, but also passes out for anywhere between 1 minute to 30 minutes depending on how long he uses the biotics. With obviously increased drawbacks, and dismissing returns, the longer he tries to use them.

Very long, and I apologize for that. Especially because I'm late enough to the story for progress to have been made with his biotics. I can't wait to find out if they ruin the story for me or not.

This chapter is so fuking awesome I don't have the words to describe it, but it's amazing how a simple lemon can express so much emotion, the little details are so godamn amazing, please keep the amazing work

Told myself I was going to wake up to 2 more chapters to read. And boy was it worth the read as always.

Pretty nice with fighting scene's :) What I wonder right now is where David will go after Shepard's suicide maission., My guess is he will go with Jack to the Grisom Academy as a tech teacher ? But dunno. Thanks for update, keep up the good work !

So far really enjoying the story, can't wait for more!

Okay finally got to the latest CH.

First let me say how awesome it is on how you made your OC, I do not know why every one is so fixed on their OC's being buff soldiers or a Biotic bada**. But I am glad to see you not only using a "malformed" OC aka not tall and Etc but you focused on the tech.

I did dislike the later add-on of him being biotic and the result of one of TIM's cell's idea's, honestly I would've liked it more if you had stuck with the tech. Like adding on the certain tech powers such as flamethrower and swarm along with a few combat powers such as the trip mine and barricade from ME: Andromeda.

Also maybe included the weapon and armor customization options from that Game too, for example I made Ops versions of the Valkyrie rifle and Hornet SMG. Basically I made both single shot allowing for higher damage along with mod extensions, then added on scopes and barrel extensions along with piecing mods with heavy stock for the rifle and melee optimizer for the SMG.

The only real major problem I have with this fic is how you killed off Jentha, don't get me wrong I get you killed her off so your OC could be woo'd by Jack. But seeing/reading her dying from a out of nowhere move from the controlled collector feels heavily forced and out of place.

I feel it would've been more believable if she died cause of the floating beetle's slam attack or maybe she got wounded earlier by a lucky shot and couldn't stop to put medi-gel on it cause of the collectors constant swarm attacks.

FINALLY! A useful tech oriented mc is so badass I’ve see so few that actually use tech abilities not just hack and play info broker but actually use it for combat

Guess this is Paragon Shepard, curious to see how MC ends up with Jack.

More chapters please

Wooo...little hot in here...

I love this Fic

I’m not sure if you’re still updating this, but this story is actually really good so far! Now that we’re getting to the good bits, especially. I like how the characters are settling in, like Jack. She seems pretty spot on. If I had anything constructive to say, it would be that Shepard doesn’t seem entirely consistent. I feel like he’s bouncing between his logical mind and his emotional one too much, but not really relying on either. We don’t get his perspective on this story but since we’re treating him as a side character, having a more simple depiction of his personality would be beneficial. We don’t have insight to his thoughts and feelings besides his outward actions so it is hard to follow. As a parting word, I’m excited to see where you take the plot as their relationship starts in earnest!

Still loving this story! The dynamic between Jack and David is awesome. And even if he’s a fan-made twig he makes me wanna get off my tail and exercise. XD get the excess belly off me