Greetings,

It's Theodore Hawkwood from Reverse Tag once again. Good to get one of your fanfics to review as it's been a while.

I'll apologize for any lack of familiarity with A3! before I go. I'm giving it a shot without reading the primer, but if I get lost I'll go back to it.

I have to say that the first sentence was quite effective. The imagery of lightning brings to mind the impression of thunder. Those two combined to create quite a striking impression bringing to my attention Tsumugi's state of mind. Great work for an opening sentence because it makes me ask 'tell me more' or 'show me more'.

The second sentence where he thinks of the little ones and the rain does a lot to paint the picture of Tsumugi's mental state as well as make me wonder as to the nature of these clearly hydrophobic 'little ones'. Nice mix of worldbuilding and character development (for Tsumugi) right there.

The third paragraph about a disorienting headache and aching muscles is also very well written. Here I can, once again, see your background in the life sciences shining through. I can also see that in spite of his injuries Tsumugi has very strong paternalistic instincts towards the little ones. Reminds me a lot of Brandon from Gungrave and specifically your fanfics from that fandom.

As Tsumugi attempts to bull past his injuries he runs right smack into his caretaker, one Tasuku. I find the dialogue between them does a good job of depicting both of them as characters. I see a stubbornly proud streak in Tsumugi when he feels that he can better take care of the little ones than Tasuku can. His dialogue and thoughts are quite clear and function as a good characterization of Tsumugi.

Tasuku seems to be a foil, a clear thinker and cooler head than the hotter headed Tsumugi, or at least that is the impression that I gather.

I definitely am glad to see that the little ones were taken care of, even without Tsumugi's help. I think all in all I get a good sense of these characters, this world, and everything else with the nice little bread crumbs (which I've highlighted) along the way in a 'show' not 'tell' fashion.

Great Work,

Theodore Hawkwood